My sister

[Redefined]

Ever since my parents bought her home from the hospital, We have not gotten along. A few weeks ago we had our first phone conversation in 6 years.
She was very angry at me for not telling her I was in the same state as she.
And to top that off I was at her daughters wedding in which she was not invited to. ( More about this another time,)
So, I let her bombard me with her anger. Say what she wanted to say, and that and that ended that phone call. Apparently she thinks that I've been mean to me her whole life. In part yes, what part of childhood doesn't involve sibling issues? Not only are we the two youngest in the family we are also trauma bonded from the same person.
Fast forward 3 weeks. I'm at her home. Very good thing, very very good thing. The past is in the past with her and myself. Her home is very welcoming, soothing, chilled out laid back and relaxed. What a very pleasant surprise.
Very pleasant

[Progress]

That’s amazing. I’m happy for you and your sister. I hope all stays well, you both deserve it. You both suffered enough.

[Redefined]

That’s amazing. I’m happy for you and your sister. I hope all stays well, you both deserve it. You both suffered enough.

At this point I believe is, we're both old enough now that we both have worked through many many many of the same issues in life. I'll be going back there in a few weeks. I'm very apprehensive, anxious, and excited at the same time.

[Redefined]

She's driving me nuts
I have rules. Yes rules. She's very overbearing. Yes it is her house but come on. She doesn't ask, she tells. I'm writing down every time she tells me what to do. It's helpful to me to get it out of my mind.
Here's the first 24 hours

Don't put anything on the counter

Don't put anything on the table.
________don't put anything on the chair.
Put it on the counter.

The shower is the same dimension as the other one

_______don't lay on the floor. Lay on the couch in the front room.( After 30 min.)_____ I said in the front room. Wrong sofa. This one is off limits. It's reserved for me. When I said not the floor, use the front room I meant the other one because it's hard like a floor.

_______close the door. ( Ok I need to know the door rules because ½ the time it's left open. The last one out left it open, I just followed suit and left it open) Well I left it open because you were getting up.

_____you do know it's cheaper to buy 2 packs, right? (Cigarettes)

I don't want to know anything about ____ or ____ unless it's from ____ or ___. Do you see where I am coming from?

I couldn't figure out how to lock or unlock the cutters I put them in the shed. Well as long as there in the shed that's what is important.

I locked the garage door. But only the dead bolt. Ok good because I would hate to be in the yard and had to go around cause I forgot some things

I______ Im shutting the glass door. You don't have to shut the screen one ok?

________ I do have plates you know that you can use them.

______ the dogs are just wanting to say g'morning


I can't wait to see what today brings.....

[Redefined]

Why oh why why do I fee,l like I am a kid back at my parents house.? I'm trying to figure out while this sibling dynamic AKA pecking order is still happening when we're all in our 60s.
I'm keeping my mouth shut to the negative comments. Trying real hard not to be a problem. I really get the feeling they all think I'm bat sh** crazy. They don't understand trauma and it's after effects. Some days I've wondered if maybe I should have just stayed with my husband.

[grandma in pain]

Safe hugs... (((((Redefined)))))
Try to hang in there and know that you are NOT crazy. Please come here as often as you need to because we all care and understand, and will listen when others won't. Your thoughts and feelings are valid and matter to us

[Oceantide]

Good morning, Redefined. It sounds extremely stressful, and you are handling it well by not responding to negative comments and posting here in a safe space instead. Just wanted to echo grandma in pain: You're NOT crazy. You're thoughts and feelings matter to us. Sending gentle hugs (if wanted), Oceantide

[Redefined]

Thank you grandmainpain & Oceanside.
It's so sad that my sister holds onto so much from our childhood. She's constantly barking orders to me and never really asking me to do things. Just telling me. Like she thinks I'm an idiot or something.
I'm so freaking done with her crap.
But, if there is anything positive to say, I am learning about myself and how to deal with her...

Don't feed the bears
Man o day..... I'm going to be so happy tomorrow. We are leaving this God forsaken place.
I'll never come back.....
Sad sad shell of a decent human being she is

[Redefined]

So..
I ended up at her place for about 6 days maybe 7?
In order for her to get out of my brain I feel the need to write down all of her nice little rules that I had to abide by.
I also start this in saying I am glad I am out of that person of hers.

Don't put things on the kitchen table top
Put them on the counter.
Don't put your things on the countertop put them on the breakfast bar
Keep the doors closed
Leave the door open for my dogs
Don't use electricity, here's a flashlight
Go lay on the sofa in the front room.
Don't land this sofa it's mine and only mine and it's reserved for me
Don't put your dirty dishes in the kitchen sink
Don't put your dishes on the counter top put them in the sink
Don't sit out front sit back here there's a cushion on the chair
Put your things in the kitchen refrigerator
From now on put your stuff in the small refrigerator
You do realize it's cheaper to buy two packs of cigarettes instead of one right?

Here's a few little snippets of the interaction I did have with her

I'm not going to use the little shower because it's too hard for me to turn around in...... It is the same dimensions as the large shower. (Truly it isn't)

Who are you texting she asks... I told her it was none of her business

Who are you talking to on the phone? Was it______?
I told her that was really none of her business

Jump in my truck I am going to the store.... I'll meet you at the bottom of the driveway. It's too hard on my back to get in. No it's not, the truck is facing down it's easier to get in the truck facing down than it is at the bottom of the driveway.

That's all I can think about... For now
At least I'm out of there

[Oceantide]

Dear Redefined, She sounds a lot like one of my sisters, who is extremely controlling. I'm sorry the experience was so crazy-making, but am glad you're getting some detachment and head space by sharing here and by having some time and space away from her completely. For me it often took me quite a while to "recover" from contact with my sister. Take good care! Oceantide