Rise and Thrive, I generally find that I buy gifts for others way more often than myself....even when I don't have the means to buy things.
I wouldn't encourage the continuance of always buying things, but I'm wondering if your recent purchases is a way for you to focus on yourself, rather than others? I've never been good at focusing on myself, and I'm still learning how to take care of myself - even though, technically, this is what I've been doing my whole life - only, this time it's not out of survival mode, it's out of self-love mode.
Have you found any other ways you can "take care" of yourself, besides shopping? It might be useful to find something you can lean on - like when you feel the urge to shop, you take a walk instead? I also need to work on this....
Does anyone else have any ideas? What are your go-to ways of focusing on yourselves?
Addicted to shopping
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FireAshes
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RiseandThrive
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Re: Addicted to shopping
FireAshes, I have been thinking about this possibility. Yes, I guess I wanted something for myself. Yesterday, I was looking for a few small gifts for my friends kids and I realised that I'm the one that usually gives but rarely receives anything. I know most of the gifts I buy are for their children. I don't have any kids though. I want to stop buying things for a while. I spend money that I shouldn't.
I'm a carer by nature so I have the habit of looking after others and making sure they are happy. I was always like that. When I was in high school I was the friend that would help others with their problems. I liked it. I felt I was doing something good. I don't have the strength anymore. Sometimes I feel like everyone dumps their problems on me, but forget to ask me how I feel or how I am doing. I wish someone would rescue me, but I know that I have to save myself.
I'm a carer by nature so I have the habit of looking after others and making sure they are happy. I was always like that. When I was in high school I was the friend that would help others with their problems. I liked it. I felt I was doing something good. I don't have the strength anymore. Sometimes I feel like everyone dumps their problems on me, but forget to ask me how I feel or how I am doing. I wish someone would rescue me, but I know that I have to save myself.
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FireAshes
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Re: Addicted to shopping
RiseandThrive,
I can relate to this on so many levels. It's funny, because I feel like this is the topic I bring up a lot in my therapy. A part of me feels that I need to be that sounding board for people, because I don't want them to feel alone or unheard like I have felt so many times. In other ways, I'm exhausted and rarely have others who take care of me. I think we a nurturers by nature, but instinctively we also are empathetic and care for others because we need to balance the world? (For me, this seems plausible, given my trauma and how I feel like I need to compensate for the bad in the world by making sure people are treated with respect and kindness - but realize you may be experiencing something completely different).
I think it is okay not to help others when you don't have the energy. If they can't understand why you need to focus on yourself and take a break, then that's their issue.
I took a vacation recently for the first time in 2.5 years...because no one told me to take a break. Even on days when I would come in to work crying or visibly upset, I was still expected to perform to my full capacity. After my vacation, I realized how important it is for me to set boundaries and to give myself the go-ahead to switch off and not do work. I hate that I have to give myself the permission - because I'm terrible at it. All I want is for someone around me to make the decision for me at times. But, I feel like that is an unrealistic expectation of others....
BUT! That is not an unrealistic expectation for me (mainly because I have decided that I don't want to be like others - especially when it comes to support and care); SO, RiseandThrive, absolutely it is 100000% ok for you to take a break from caring for others. Recharge your awesomeness, and do what makes you feel good for you! Even if that means sitting in a bath and crying for several hours or just laying on the couch and binge-watching a show. You are such a sweet person to always be looking out for others and giving to others and showing up for others. You deserve the time "off"....to focus on what's good for you....and know that it's ok to be selfish sometimes - you're not hurting anyone, you're just taking the time to make yourself the best possible version of you!
As always though, this is a journey....and it may take time. Also, just as a thought - instead of buying gifts for others, can you make them gifts? (make cards, or art, or fill mason jars with candy, etc.) - I realize some of this costs money up front, but it might be more cost effective in the end? This way, you still get the satisfaction of giving to others without spending too much money?
I can relate to this on so many levels. It's funny, because I feel like this is the topic I bring up a lot in my therapy. A part of me feels that I need to be that sounding board for people, because I don't want them to feel alone or unheard like I have felt so many times. In other ways, I'm exhausted and rarely have others who take care of me. I think we a nurturers by nature, but instinctively we also are empathetic and care for others because we need to balance the world? (For me, this seems plausible, given my trauma and how I feel like I need to compensate for the bad in the world by making sure people are treated with respect and kindness - but realize you may be experiencing something completely different).
I think it is okay not to help others when you don't have the energy. If they can't understand why you need to focus on yourself and take a break, then that's their issue.
I took a vacation recently for the first time in 2.5 years...because no one told me to take a break. Even on days when I would come in to work crying or visibly upset, I was still expected to perform to my full capacity. After my vacation, I realized how important it is for me to set boundaries and to give myself the go-ahead to switch off and not do work. I hate that I have to give myself the permission - because I'm terrible at it. All I want is for someone around me to make the decision for me at times. But, I feel like that is an unrealistic expectation of others....
BUT! That is not an unrealistic expectation for me (mainly because I have decided that I don't want to be like others - especially when it comes to support and care); SO, RiseandThrive, absolutely it is 100000% ok for you to take a break from caring for others. Recharge your awesomeness, and do what makes you feel good for you! Even if that means sitting in a bath and crying for several hours or just laying on the couch and binge-watching a show. You are such a sweet person to always be looking out for others and giving to others and showing up for others. You deserve the time "off"....to focus on what's good for you....and know that it's ok to be selfish sometimes - you're not hurting anyone, you're just taking the time to make yourself the best possible version of you!
As always though, this is a journey....and it may take time. Also, just as a thought - instead of buying gifts for others, can you make them gifts? (make cards, or art, or fill mason jars with candy, etc.) - I realize some of this costs money up front, but it might be more cost effective in the end? This way, you still get the satisfaction of giving to others without spending too much money?
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Progress
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Re: Addicted to shopping
Just wanted to pipe in here and say that I absolutely understand all of this topic- especially the part about setting boundaries so I can take care of myself.
I always think I can do everything. I have no concept of time management. And I think I can do everything that I think everyone around me needs. Truth be told, if I don’t take care of myself, I’m terrible at taking care of others.
When will I learn?
Progress
I always think I can do everything. I have no concept of time management. And I think I can do everything that I think everyone around me needs. Truth be told, if I don’t take care of myself, I’m terrible at taking care of others.
When will I learn?
Progress