Still Navigating the Uncharted

[FireAshes]

Hello Everyone! Thank you for allowing this open space for people to come and share their stories.

I am 37, and was sexually abused at the ages of 14 and 15 by the same person. I never mentioned it to anyone for 20 years, until I finally just broke down and told my sister. That was 3.5 years ago, and to say that the journey has been rough since then is an understatement. I was completely dissociated from my trauma for a good chunk of my life, believing that my depression and anxiety was an irrational response to even the smallest things. It wasn't until I started to notice similar mannerisms in my now ex-husband to my perpetrator. For years, I reflected on this, and realized that my emotional responses were a result of the trauma I had experienced as a teenager. I felt completely misunderstood, and scared, and alone.

Since revealing my traumatic past to my family, it has been even more difficult. I not only had the added stress of going through a divorce, and starting a grad program, but I have strained familial relationships with my mom (who is still with the perpetrator) and my sister. They have somehow made this situation all about them, and cannot understand how the words "sometimes good people do bad things" is a huge issue. It's sad that the women in my life are the ones who are giving me the least support. The story is more complicated than this, but I don't have the energy to write it all out at the moment.

I have felt an enormous amount of loneliness through this whole "healing" process. I am trying everything I can to find the support I need and to build a network, but it's extremely difficult. Which is why I am here. There are days when I don't have therapy that I need to share my thoughts and my process. I'm thankful for anyone who is willing to listen without judgement. That means a lot to me.

Thank you for accepting me as part of this group. I hope we can help each other heal and move forward. My dad always says "The best type of revenge is to go and live your best life"....and that's what I'm trying to do.

[Jonesy]

Hi FireAshes

A very warm welcome to isurvive - glad you found us

[Rosahope]

Welcome FireAshes!

[Serenity]

Welcome, FireAshes. I'm sorry for the reasons, but glad you are here.

With care,
Serenity

[Progress]

Hi FireAshes,
Welcome, glad you are here.

It is so hard when you don’t get the support you should get from family. It seems like you’ve made great strides in learning about yourself. I’m sure you will find the support you need here.

Progress

[orangeflower]

Welcome FireAshes! I'm glad you're here!

[Noideamydude]

Welcome

[Scars]

Hello FireAshes,
it is an honor to meet you.
you are not "Navigating the Uncharted" alone.
sounds like it is time to choose a new family.
that is a possibility.
scars

[FireAshes]

Thank you all for your kind replies.

Yes, @scars, I need to find a new family. ) The positive thing about that is that I get to choose who is in that family now.

[quixote]

FireAshes,
We are here for you.