A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.
Hooray Chessgirl! That sounds like teamwork to me!
I hope that plan works well and you get some rest.
Yeah, somehow I found a guy that deep down reminded me of how my crappy parents treated me, and I must’ve thought that THIS TIME I can correct myself and be who he wants me to be, and make a “difficult” person love me.
That sure was a run on sentence, but so be it. Turns out you can’t change somebody. Who knew?? And I ended up in another abusive situation but this time extremely sleep deprived too. I have learned a lot along the way!
Back to you getting your sleep! It’s right there at the base of the hierarchy of needs! Here’s to you getting your zzzzzzz’s!!!!
I eventually did get get some sleep, after the catastrophe life ran its course and I am not a Spring Chicken any longer. Thank you for nice replies. People would be surprised at what I can do. That cande is starting to burn out and and I can feel it. I used to be high octane, but I am afraid that engine blew up. I will run as hard as I can, and not in a vular, way. I am like everyone else here, just trying to heal, with the circumstances I have. All the rest is background noise, who needs it?
Lord help me I have to see my in laws today. My mil has been so passive aggressive with me lately. Even my husband has noticed it. He had another talk with her about how she treats me in a very strange and fake way. I told him I would just love her from a distance. I told him I’m done having connversagions with her about how she treats me. I think she knows what she’s doing and doesn’t want to change. She probably thinks I’m somehow deserving of this kind of treatment. She knows I don’t have my own family or parents so perhaps she figures that gives her a free pass to treat me however she wants. I’m going to go to Easter today but I will detach emotionally . I will not share anything with her about my life. I will not let her get a reaction out of me. I will not let her controlling and manipulative behavior affect me. I just pray she doesn’t say anything so negative it brings me down. I’ve been cutting out toxity in my life and have seen great results so I’ll be damn if I let her continue treating me this way. If it is bad today I simply won’t see her for awhile unless absolutely necessary. She does need to know that when she makes these offensive remakes and debates me about my parenting decisions and does passive aggressive things, I will not put up with it. Just because I don’t have a large support group backing me, doesn’t me I’m not aware of unfair treatment of myself. She doesn’t realize how far I’ve come in recognizing this kind of stuff…
I have felt a huge surge of excitement about my future and motivation lately and have applied back to college. I’ve decided a whole different career path and am going a technical school this time for a career in interior design. Even though I’m thrilled about this I’m going to do something a little different than how I’ve done things in the past. I will not be sharing this news with any of the family! They won’t know until I graduate. I can’t risk someone sabotaging my plan. Even a disapproving look could throw me off and I won’t have it. It is time to work on myself so I can feel better about myself and be a better mom and wife. I want to be respected by his family also and feel they won’t respect me until I have a career. This is not why I’m going back to school but it will be nice to be seen differently for once.
Happy Easter everyone. Don’t let toxic and abusive family members bring you down today! Stay true to yourself !
Being a scientist, such as I am, we know the two most destructive forces in nature is a collapsed star that has become a black hole, and the in laws.These people should respect you because their son chose you and you chose him. To not respect and accept you is just rude and tacky, plus it makes makes them sound like real weiners. Good to you for deciding to go back to school, I am sure you will do fantastically there. The only thing I would caution is to make sure you are doing this for your benefit and not theirs. May you be well and happy Easter to you as well.
Thank you! Your words really helped cheer me up today. Very validating and helpful. What a day… I may write about it later. Hope you had a nice Easter!
I hope it was a good day. Looking forward to updates!
I love your new plans! How exciting! You will be awesome!!!!
I do think Gurglesnap is on to something. You don’t need to be respected by those dingdongs. Phhhhhbbbbbttttttt. To heck with them. Who cares how they see you!!!! YOU know and I know and YOUR HUSBAND knows and ISURVIVE knows that you are a rock star! Who cares what that crotchety old woman thinks of you? I wouldnt trust her judgement as far as I could throw her anyway! Her opinions are broken. You don’t need any opinions from her anymore!! (Rah, Rah, Rah, SiS Boom Bah! -I’m being your cheerleader here haha)
I think your plans sound fantastic and you will make a great interior designer!
One thing that works for me when I have to deal with manipulative people is very similar to what you say about “emotionally detaching”. I call it robot talk. How would a robot respond to the crazy person. It would be emotionally detached and probably inquisitive. It would not get sucked into the emotional entanglements the manipulative person is trying to suck you into (in order to hurt you emotionally and psychologically).
It really does work for me. I started doing it on emails and texts, and then when I had enough practice with it, I was able to use “robot talk” during in-person conversations with rotten people. I mean, i don’t sound like Will Robinson’s robot from Lost in Space or anything. But internally, I’m thinking “how would an unemotional robot respond to this input of data?” It’s basically the way I tricked myself into the new mantra I have with rotten people DO NOT ENGAGE.
Yeah, anyway, your toxic m-i-l will ALWAYS find something wrong with you. She will make imaginary things up In her head to criticize you about. You will never be “good enough” because SHE IS AN ASSHOLE.
There. I said it. Lol. SHE IS AN ASSHOLE. She’s never gonna change. Don’t bother with her. The only way to “win” with an asshole like that is DO NOT ENGAGE. They hate that. Be a robot. Do not engage. And you will win the battle.
Eh, maybe that’s just me and the assholes in my life. But I’m cutting them out of my head space and it feels great.
Looking forward to your next post! Hope you are having a good day,
Progress
Last edited by Jonesy on Mon Apr 18, 2022 6:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason:Changed MT to ST for use of profanity
PS
I’m sorry I called your m-I-l a swear word. Name calling is generally not cool. Your husband loves her. Maybe you love her. Your kids might love her.
I guess I’m sorry, but not sorry, as they say. She is very unkind to you. And I am on your side! And maybe she’s only unkind to specific people she’s picked out (like you). And maybe she’s a nice, normal person to many other people she interacts with.
Anyway, let’s just say that my emphatic swearing was just showing my Team Chessgirl colors! I hope I wasn’t overly offensive to anyone reading!
Chessgirl, I really hope you have a wonderful day!
Progress
Thank you so much for your sweet reply! I need a cheerleader and it helps so much to be supported! I like the robot idea. I bet that works! When I emotionally detach it only helps so much. I think it’s something that takes practice. The truth is my mil is not the first toxic person I’ll have to deal with and won’t be my last. Our society is filled with them so practicing this stuff is so important.
You and gurglesnap are right about not doing the interior design thing to gain respect from her. I need to do it for myself and I think that’s what I’m doing. I’ve always wanted to be an interior designer and when I turned 18 I got an internship. Was a very rare opportunity. I was briefly living with ny mom at the time. I was also in the design program at our local community college. One day I came home from work and found my nom looking through my homework and sobbing. I said mom what’s wrong and she said she was just so happy for me. It was strange though because they didn’t look like tears of joy but rather that she was devastated by something. A week later she called my boss and got me fired from my design internship. Told her I wasn’t ready for such a great opportunity and needed to work on myself. The boss called me I’m her office and told me she needed to let me go and I needed to listen to my nom more. So I continued in the program at school for another semester until my nom eventually demanded I switch majors. She said she didn’t think it was realistic for me. I had to just let go of my dream and block it out of my mind. Now 15 years later i have started thinking about it again. My husband gave me his tax return to decorate our whole house and I have had a blast. I talked to my hehabd about it and he encouraged me to go to the interior design. Program and finish it once and for all. I don’t have my mom in my life to screw it up anymore so might as well that’s the worst part of having narc parents. They force you to let go of your dreams and your individuality. I’m taking back the power!
Whaaaaaaat?!?! Omg!! How awful!! She screwed your internship up for you?! On purpose?! Out of her way to make up some ridiculous baloney?! I can’t even.
Omg, I’m so happy for you that you are following your dream.
{{{{{hugs}}}}} if okay!!!
Yay for following your dreams despite her. She might have tried to sabotage everything in your life but you are taking back more power every day. Yay you.
Turns out you can’t change somebody. Who knew?? 
that’s the worst part of having narc parents. They force you to let go of your dreams and your individuality. I’m taking back the power!
in someone's night.