saw my little child in a dream

[pastelshades]

quite a lot has happened in the past few weeks. I've moved away from home and am living in halls at uni, I've changed my name completely so I officially no longer have my father's surname or the birth name my parents gave me. I've finished sessions with my therapist due to moving away, and said goodbye to my close friends. But a few days after I wrote the unsent letter to my father, I had a dream- in the dream I witnessed M getting arrested. He had a child, a little girl of about 3 or 4, and I was granted custody of her after he was taken away in the police van. The little girl had long brown hair and looked Hispanic. I held her hand as we walked through a landscape that looked like Yellowstone Park, a place I've never been to. In 3D I am often uncomfortable around children. I feel irritable and don't like being around them. But with M's little girl I felt completely comfortable, like I knew her. I held her hand, and as we walked I spoke to her as though i'd known her my whole life. I later realized that the little girl was me. She didn't look the way I did as a child of that age, but like a child version of me now. I think it means that I have finally begun to accept and look after little me. I have begun to accept the fact that what happened wasn't my fault and that I wasn't a bad kid. M represents my father- a T I had when I was younger told me that he was just like him, and at the time I denied it but it was true. Him being arrested in the dream I think signifies my placing the blame and responsibility with him, where it belongs.

Now at uni I'm beginning to feel much more happy and secure in myself. My parents are no longer a part of my life, they are no longer controlling me to the extent that they were. I'm free to be my own person. I have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I'm on a great design course and no longer in a miserable home environment. I can have my own life and live it however I choose to. I'm so happy and glad.

[Harmony]

Wow pastelshades,

All the news sounds terrific. This is progress for sure. Enjoy these successful transitions. All the best for your educaton.

You deserve to feel safe happy and successful.

warmly,
Harmony

[wings]

This is so great to hear, pastelshades thanks for sharing.

[ajei]

Congratulations pastelshades.

ajei

[River]

Pastelshades, what an encouraging post to read. Alot of great things happening in your life! Right on! Gave me hope! Was it hard or costly to change your name? I guess it would depend where you live. Did you move far away from home? Was it hard to leave?

These lines really spoke to me. And I hope one day to feel and do the same.

I think it means that I have finally begun to accept and look after little me. I have begun to accept the fact that what happened wasn't my fault and that I wasn't a bad kid

I'm beginning to feel much more happy and secure in myself. My parents are no longer a part of my life, they are no longer controlling me to the extent that they were. I'm free to be my own person. I have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I'm on a great design course and no longer in a miserable home environment. I can have my own life and live it however I choose to. I'm so happy and glad.

This is my dream Pastelshades, and I can't thank-you enough for sharing your experiences! All the very best in everything you do! This really made me stop and think...and face reality. Thank-you! I am really happy for you Pastelshades!

River