games

[Paper]

For me playing the games with others here has been a positive transition. Games played with others were traumatic in my history in many ways. Even the word game is fraught... as are the words play, relaxation, fun... Interacting is hard for me too. Like when conversations continue, and go back and forth I am terrified. I just... I know no one could see me but I was so, so afraid when I started playing these games. My heart would pound and my face would get hot. My whole body would be tense. I had to go back and check the rules over and over and I kept forgetting, and I would forget what game it was, and some were too hard and I beat myself up over it. Sometimes I logged on and clicked on a game and became so overwhelmed and freaked out I logged out. I couldn't remember what I was trying to do because the floods inside were overwhelming and I couldn't think. Now I am less freaked out about playing. Each word I put, each little interaction within the structure of these games, the continuousness of them, and the moments of lightheartedness and even laughter, the good kind, and experiencing times when the rules have stretched and it was ok (it was ok!), and times I have made a mistake and was not attacked for it and so on... each of these interactions here have helped me feel a little bit safer and a little bit more capable, even though I still struggle in outside life with so much... I carry the positive gains that have built up, tenuous as they are, with me inside. It feels good to have them there. I like playing the games with others here and I have learned so much in doing so.

[Watercolor]

What a wonderful and important post, Paper! I hate that your history about games and play and interactions has been so harsh, traumatic, and full of terror.

It's lovely to know that over time you've experienced a bit of building up in this area. A little more safety. That sense of okayness you mentioned. To have your load lightened some and perceptions to change for the better, is very valuable.

Thank you so much for honoring us by sharing this part of your journey.

[Jonesy]

Hi Paper

I love this post! Go you

You said everything beautifully, and I could really relate with this...

I had to go back and check the rules over and over and I kept forgetting, and I would forget what game it was, and some were too hard

Incase anyone doen't know where to find the games... viewforum.php?f=72

[Paper]

Thank you Watercolor
Thank you Jonesy