Change is hard

[Redisfinallyfree]

I’m feeling kind of down
Been going round and round
Trying to be okay.

Self esteem is pretty low
Don’t know how to bring it up.

No matter what I do it seems
That someone doesn’t want me to change.

Now that I know the truth
About the effects of abuse
I truly cannot bear to stay the same.

Why does it have to hurt someone else
Whenever I do good things for me?

I say change is a good thing
Better for all of us but, those
I love don’t always agree.

I don’t mean to say that
They are standing in the way
Because most of the time they are not.

It’s when I need THEM to change
That everything gets strange
I feel like I have to choose
Between them and me.

Another way I can’t see
And I really do not want to quit.

I’ve been doing so well
Getting free from the hell
Of the guilt, shame, and doubting my self.

I don’t want to put all the progress I’ve made
Away to gather dust on a shelf.

I’ve glimpsed a life we could have
Full of purpose and joy albeit
With work and responsibility too.

I want it for me. I want it for us.
I want us to change together for a
Life that will be better

Than the boring lonely existence we now share.
Staying isolated and lonely forever
I really cannot bear.

Maybe if I give them time and
Patiently continue my work
They’ll see the better me
Who is finally getting free
And dare to embrace change with me?

I hope and pray that is how it will be.

[Oceantide]

Powerful, beautiful, and relatable

[invisible]

Very good! Thanks for sharing! So relatable!

[Redisfinallyfree]

Thank-you Invisible.

[Scars]

((((( Redisfinallyfree )))))

this and other things you have written make me believe we are sisters of the heart

yes, keep doing what you are doing as long as it helps
good things will follow even if they aren't the things you thought they would be
mine took me on a loop-de-loop that ended in divorce
but 22 years later i know with certainty it was the right path for me

take gentle, loving care of yourself

scars

[Redisfinallyfree]

Hello Scars.

Sisters of the heart. What a warm and lovely sentiment. It is a strange and wonderful feeling to finally be understood. Every day I feel shame ebbing away. I’ve always known that I had emotional scars and was ashamed of them and of myself because I thought they were marks that accused me of awful things. Knowing now that they were caused by abuse has made me proud of them because they accuse my abusers and prove me to be a strong survivor. I’m beginning to form a cautious hope for my future, thanks to the encouragement of you and Progress, and Paper, and Oceantide, and Greendreamdays and everyone else who has been so supportive and encouraging as I’ve told my story. Thank you.

Redisfinallyfree

[there]

Really love this poem. Thank you.