I hit another wall....

[FireAshes]

I have been in a really weird mood since Friday.

Trigger: obviously, the news about the SCOTUS decision.

I'm sure many of us were triggered by this decision. I won't dwell on it - but know that I empathize.

But, it's also strange. I find that I just had a "give up" attitude to everything on Friday. I have been working so hard in my current grad program to get women and individuals with diverse backgrounds into the STEM field. I'm in a conservative state, so it's been a challenge - to say the least. I do OUTREACH, I advocate for a national organization, I encourage and mentor women in my field, I'm writing a Code of Conduct to ensure equal and inclusive behavior in the field, I host a podcast that invites people from all backgrounds, ethnicities, etc. to come and speak about their experiences...

This post really isn't to give myself a pat on the back...rather, to say...I (explicit word here) want to give up.

Grad students are complacent and don't want to get involved in OUTREACH efforts, nor does anyone want to get involved in democracy and advocate for voting rights...but, the real kicker is, they all sit there and complain about the current system! Like, WTF!?!?!?! And then stuff like what happened on Friday happens....

I feel so defeated. It's too much to try to make positive changes for the system, when you are constantly having push back. I thought that by making positive changes for the department, state, and world, it would give me more a sense of purpose and make me feel like I can make it a little better so that others won't have to undergo what all of us have been through....

I don't know...this feels like a pathetic post. I'm just really finding it harder and harder to find the strength and the motivation to carry on...I'm also still suffering physical (with horrendous muscle pain and restless leg syndrome at night, constant headaches, and complete exhaustion). I wish I really knew how to make myself feel better right now.

[quixote]

FireAshes,
I would guess a lot of people here are recovering from what happened on Friday.

[greendreamdays]

Yes, the news about the SCOTUS decision has been devastating and makes me beyond angry. Rage is a better word. I wish I had the right words to say to help you feel better.

[Progress]

The SCOTUS decision made me say things out loud that I would never repeat here.

FireAshes, never doubt for a second that you are making a difference. You may not see firsthand the far-reaching effects you have. You are fighting the good fight. It is probably more important now than ever to carry on with your work. But take care of you first! Maybe it is a form of grieving that you are going through. Idk what could make you feel better in the right now.

I am certain that you make a difference though! Ever read that story about the old man walking on the beach? And there are 1,000’s of starfish stranded on the shore. And he walks slowly down the beach and picks up one starfish at a time and throws them back into the water. And some kid asks him, why are you even bothering? There are 1,000’s of starfish on this beach. It won’t make a difference. And the old man looks at the kid, bends over and picks up another starfish. He throws it into the ocean and says, “made a difference to that one”.