New puppy triggering me

[wingnine]

Hey guys! So my husband and I just got a golden retriever puppy. We’ve been wanting one for so long, and golden retrievers are AMAZING emotional support animals, whether they’re trained specifically for that or not. So, after a long time saving up, we brought home our sweet 8 week old golden retriever, Lola!

I have watched a bajillion training videos, and I’m way too much of a perfectionist so I’m STRESSING over her training and whatever - I can work through that. But, having C-PTSD, loud noises are very triggering, and get my heart racing. Crate training the puppy has been so hard. She squeals and cries at night (this is the third day we’ve had her) and I had to take two Xanax last night just to get through it. Her loud squeals set me on edge and I can’t sleep or calm down. Most people say it will get better and to ride it out or ignore it but I can’t just do that. I just stay triggered all night. Can’t turn off my triggers. Has anyone been through this with it being triggering, and have any advice?

[Chessgirl]

That is how my 3 month old with colick makes me feel.
She will wail for hours inconsolably and it makes my heart race and I feel like I’d do anything to make it stop but there’s nothing I can do. I’ll beg my husband to please come relieve me of it. I am also trying to find a way to not be so triggered. Back when I had a pit bull puppy she would trigger me too In a similar way so I do know what you mean. I try to detach and talk to myself like I’ll say “it’s ok. You are safe. It’s going to be ok.” I talk myself through it and try breathing exercises. It helps a little but it’s so hard. I’m sorry you are struggling with the triggers. It really can be a hopeless and helpless feeling.

[Jonesy]

Hi wingnine

So, after a long time saving up, we brought home our sweet 8 week old golden retriever, Lola!

First of all, welcome to the world of puppy parenting - it is so rewarding, but I am so sorry she is causing stress for you right now. Just remember she has been taken from her mamma and siblings and will be missing them. Have you tried putting a hot water bottle, wrapped in a blanket, into her crate at bedtime? Throw in some treats too. How about covering it with a blanket? And be sure to offer words of comfort and your fingers through the crate to help calm her down.
Where in the house is the crate?

[wingnine]

Thanks for the replies! Last night was WAY better. Sweet girl slept like a professional crate-trained doggy. We let her out at 3am and she continued to be quiet until morning.

I have a blanket over the crate, she has a snuggle puppy I got off Amazon (stuffed puppy that has a heat pack and heartbeat inside that simulates her mama) and a Kong with frozen peanut butter. I have been playing a lot of games with her during the day involving her crate. Giving her treats to search for in her crate, shutting her in, and rewarding her / letting her out as she stays calm. I think this has been helping build her crate confidence. I’m hoping tonight goes well again. It was good to get some sleep last night.

[Jonesy]

Hi wingnine

I am so glad you had a better night with Lola. Fingers crossed she is settling in and that your C-PTSD will soon settle. Keep us posted

[wingnine]

We’ve had her for two weeks now, and getting used to life with her. She sleeps through every night in her crate now! It gets better. Thank goodness.

[wingnine]

Coming back on here in case anyone is still wanting updates on this thread. I am struggling big time. Something about my now 14 week old puppy triggers me so severely. When I am not around her, when she’s napping, I can see her as a cute baby dog. As soon as she barks (high pitched, screeching, piercing sound) my heart rate increases and it sets something off in me and my mind sees her as a threat or something. And it takes me a long time to calm down from it. And she’s just a puppy! She’s barking because she’s trying to communicate something to me. I can be having a good, productive day, and then she scream barks once or twice and immediately I shut down and have to go to my safe zone in my house, and cocoon there for awhile.

Or, when she is having a burst of energy and is bouncy and uncontrollable, she gets very mouthy and her toothpick teeth HURT. And my trauma response kicks in and something in me feels the need to defend myself and lash out. I would never want to hurt her, but in the moment I have to make myself walk away because I don’t see her as a puppy who isn’t trying to hurt me. In the moment, I’m being attacked and feel triggered and like I can’t control myself.

When calming down from being triggered, I feel so incredibly guilty. I feel like a horrible dog owner. Like I shouldn’t have adopted a puppy. My trauma response is too strong. When I have good moments with her, I feel guilty for the times when I’m triggered.

[wingnine]

I’m just upset that my expectations about having a puppy were not accurate. I’ve raised two kittens, and the kitten phase was HEAVEN. I LOVE kittens. Even when they accidentally tear apart my skin from their tiny claws, I still adore them. They’re so easy. I guess I expected the puppy phase to be like a kitten. But puppies… oh my word they are SO high maintenance for someone who has C-PTSD and is unemployed because of my DID and my major depressive disorder and my debilitating anxiety. I just thought this would be more of a therapeutic thing for me than such an added source of trigggers. Hopefully it will be as she gets older. I’m struggling.

[Watercolor]

It can be just astounding sometimes, what can be a trigger and the extreme amount of distress these things and incidents can bring. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I so hope as your pup matures and time goes by that this struggle will subside. I'm sure sorry for what you've been suffering, especially when the dog "should" be and was expected to be a great comfort.

[Progress]

Shame alert:

I am ashamed and embarrassed to say that not long ago, we got a puppy. And I knew the puppy phase would be tough. BUT we got a wacko, wack-a-doodle, maniac puppy. My C-PTSD and most-especially my major depression couldn’t handle it, and we eventually found the loveliest couple ever to take her. Re-homed. Happily. I still have major regret and shame though. My kids may never forgive me for the loss they felt. Ouch.

But then we got an older dog. Rehomed to us. Kind of just happened- fell into our laps. An older dog comes with it’s own problems, but not the triggers.

He is anti-triggering. He is what I needed. Omg, I love this wacky dumb big dog. He sits with me on my feet when I do my EMDR and he is one of my grounding tools in my toolkit.

I hope you can make it through the puppy phase. I really really do. It could be so so worth it. But believe me, I understand the issues and the triggers. I personally, couldn’t handle it. Ouch. I failed (?). And yet life is funny. I wouldn’t have my big dumb awesome goober if my puppy didn’t move in with that lovely couple. We won’t have him for too many years, which is a big drawback of getting an older, chill doggo. But he’s just the right fit for my journey right now.

Eh, i just thought I’d share my story and let you know I GET IT.

Good luck!!! With you!!!
Progress