I got out

[Kiwimango]

Hey everyone, just thought I'd check this place out! I struggled for four years to leave my husband. Finally got out after something terrible happened. I told people all the time that if it weren't for my two babies, I wouldn't have ever left. For a while I was scared my husband would look for me. Completely paranoid! After he got arrested, I found out he quit his job and was looking for me.

I still get scared every time I see a van that looks like ours. Sometimes if I see a man wearing what he would wear or whatever, I feel like it's my husband, but he's locked up.

[Watercolor]

Welcome, Kiwimango! I like your user name and am glad you're here.

I'm so sorry there were awful and terrifying times. I'm thankful you are away from him and are safe now.

[coconuts]

So glad you got out. Understanding the fear that follows. Hoping you will find a way to feel and be safe

[Serenity]

Hi Kiwimango,

Welcome to isurvive. I'm sorry for the reasons, but glad you are here.

With care,
Serenity

[Jonesy]

Hi Kiwimango

Welcome - glad you found us

[Harbor]

Kiwimango, welcome. I'm glad you got out and your babies are safe. We're here to listen and support.

[Kiwimango]

Thanks, everyone. Sometimes I feel like there's nowhere to go. Nobody understands. My husband had me bent over the sink backwards with a knife at my neck. Something wrong with him. He laughed while I cried and begged! Laughed? That same thing happened several times. If you asked me to tell you about another incident, it would be the same information. He's crazy!

I was talking to my pastor's wife. I have to take care of two babies by myself. I said, "At least you had help." She responded, "Well, not always. My husband worked two jobs and was always preaching." I walked away because even if it were not literal physical help, she still had her husband's support. On another occasion, I told her I felt like nobody understands. "I understand more than you think. I've been hurt by people I love. Not my husband, but people I love." Um... so have I! My dad beat me, my mom neglected me, I had a crazy babysitter, I was bullied in school, and I had an abusive boyfriend. I thought the home was supposed to be somewhere safe, but I'm always waiting for someone to hit me because that's my norm! It doesn't have to be, but I don't feel normal. I have to get past that somehow. I'm not saying hitting people is normal. Just an everyday basis for me. So does my pastor's wife really understand?

Me: We don't walk to bed together anymore.
My husband: do you think ___ and ___ walk to bed together?
Me: I don't know, but I doubt ___ hits his wife!
My husband: They said, "No divorce here! Might be some killing, but no divorce here!"
Me: I don't think that's what they meant.

[coconuts]

It can be so difficult to rewrite our stories when the trend has been so painful. When we've been molded to believe we aren't worth better. We are and we deserve peace and understanding and safety.

I hope that this has allowed you to rewrite your children's stories. They will have a mom who shows them their worth is better. They deserve better and so do you. Here's to a happier future. Its work but it's worth it

[quixote]

Kiwimango,
Glad you got out. Stay safe.
quixote