Thoughts Please

[Magpie]

Ok so, on top of dealing with the sudden disclosure on my partner and dealing with the worry of that. I would just appreciate honest thoughts please on this one:

I went out the other day for coffee with my sister (abuser) and our kids.(Sounds bizarre when I read that back).
My son being a typical 8 year old, decided to behave like an 8 year old does, not wanting to talk, being silly, sliding off his chair. I could see her getting annoyed with him and Asked him to sit up on his chair and had a word afterwords with him. But other than that, I picked my battles and left him to get through it himself, he knows how to behave.

Anyway, last night I receive a lengthy message from her to say how she is stressed and upset that she couldn’t spend quality time with him and that I didn’t correct him. She said she would never let her child act like that, and that she wants things to move forward by me listening to her.

I haven’t sent a message back as I’m a bit numb and I band be effing bothered to be honest.

Thoughts on either how to approach if I even entertain it, and more importantly as I’m thinking along the lines of worry that she needs to control.

Thanks all x

[Getup]

It is good that you told your partner about your history that must have been difficult to do. I don't know what your relationship is like with your sister currently but in the past she hurt you and there is no putting that behind you. I used to sit across from my abuser at get togethers and what he did was always in my mind. I might be out of line in saying so but it is ok to be angry. Kids act up she should not have made a fuss about it. It does sound a bit controling and that she felt the need to write a letter to you is definitely controlling. I hope you resolve your issue.

[Magpie]

Many thanks, I do appreciate any advice, as I feel like I’m constantly In the wrong with this situation, and doubt my own judgment, but I guess that stems from low self esteem and the original abuse.

[Getup]

I wish you guidance in dealing with this. Just remember you get to take the lead here. Don't let someone bully you or guilt you into doing what they want.

[coconuts]

I think it sounds like she is still trying to control. Kids are kids. They get wiggly and squirmy sometimes. The fact she wrote a letter about it seems strange to me. Very controlling and demeaning actually. Us moms tend to take everything person anyways and coming from your a user. Ugh. Sorry tou had this experience.

[quixote]

Magpie,
I'm not sure if this is about your child. It might be about your relationship with your sister. You were right to take some time before you responded. Have you had conflicts with your sister before? How have you handled them?

[Magpie]

Hello, yes I agree I think it is more to do with my relationship with my sister. The conflicts started when my son was about 2 or 3 years of age and I would get really upset and angry at her when she would discipline him. That’s where the whole remembering the abuse, and accepting and acknowledging began really. It was like I allowed myself and needed to feel that hurt and anger, like it was part of the healing process. I deal with it all by shutting myself off emotionally from my family and focusing on my little family, which probably not the best way but for me now it’s better to confront it in my own head than run the risk of what my family’s reaction would be if I talked them about it.

[quixote]

Magpie,
Yes, that's a good idea to focus on your own family for now. That sounds manageable.
quixote