Panic

[Magpie]

I’m panicking! Any advice please, my partner last night kept badgering me about how I have OCD and that I’m
Tight with money, and how he was going to find out from my family what happened to me when I was younger, and I blurted it out! I said I was sexually abused.

Know he’s demanding that he know who it is, I’m really worried he will go see them, even though I’ve said it’s private and it will be on my terms how we deal with this and I need to feel in control of the situation.

I’m regretting telling him, and now so so worried what’s going to happen next, I didn’t want it to be this way!

[coconuts]

Oh no. What a difficult situation.

First of all. Much compassion, what a way to have to reveal. Ugh.
I'm so sorry it went down this way and I completely understand why you feel so panicky.

Second I think you need to make your needs come first. Tell your partner you need his support. And some of that was allowing you to figure this out. Let him know how much it freaks you out. That it isn't helpful to be attacking towards you or your abuser. That you are glad he knows now, but now that he does you need him on your side.

I hope he can be kind and compassionate and calm with you. You so deserve compassion.

Sitting with you virtually offering you tea and a quiet moment to allow the calm in.

[Magpie]

Thank you, I felt really pressured to tell him, he kept on saying “I will find out” and “as your partner you need to tell me”, he said I was a “snowflake” WTF? So I got angry and it just came out.

I just hope he listens to me when I ask him to follow my wishes and needs, he’s demanding to know who it is because he thinks it will affect our son.

It’s gonna be a tough day today.

[coconuts]

Oh man. That's rough. Hopefully reassuring him that you would never place your son in danger like that will help.

I felt pressured to tell my h before I was ready and able to read the situation. It didn't work out well for us. I really hope your partner will calm down and start acting with more compassion.

[Jonesy]

Hi Magpie

I sincerely hope he has backed off by now and given you space to breathe.
This is not about your partner or his needs. This is about you and yours. I hope he has realised this.
Go gently.

[Magpie]

Thank you all, he has backed off tonight and hasn’t mentioned it, probably had time to process things a bit, but In the meantime scared the shit out of me as to what might happen. Why the hell did I tell him? I have been thinking of recently telling him, but no way like this.

[coconuts]

That's a really not cool situation. Taking your control away from you like that and forcing you to tell. It's an attack in its own right. I really hope he will back off for your sake now and let it go. Being forced to tell before you are really ready is awful.

[quixote]

Magpie,
Not your fault. You were being badgered.