trying to enjoy existence

[ephes]

Not sure if this counts as a positive transition, but I've planned a couple of days away in another place, cheap flight and modest accommodation. Wouldn't call it vacation as I'm not working. But I will go down there with the hopes of feeling minimally guilty about it. The plan is to just admire the different atmosphere and esthetic of the place and live in the moment. Try to find the feeling of liking to be alive. Smell the flowers and the gutters, hear the chatter of another language and the noisy cars, feel the sun and the wind on my skin, walk in the water along the beach, eat good food and maybe come across a market with fresh produce to try, feel the tiredness of my feet after walking hours to discover nooks and crannies of old towns. It's supposed to be not too warm and not the busy tourist season hasn't officially started, and I will get to hide away behind sun glasses and a hat.
In the past I loved traveling, but have felt now for a long time that I don't deserve such things. I still don't feel like I deserve it, but will do it anyway. Maybe it'll help.

[Kenazandisaz]

You do deserve it and I hope it helps. There is something amazing about being anonymous in a crowd. I hope it frees you to feel safe enough to be completely present and enjoy the thrill of the moment, and the delight of drinking in unfamiliar sights, sounds and smells. I hope it gives you just what you are needing.

K

[EasyStreet]

sounds like a good thing ephes.

Hope it lets you breathe free for a while.

[reisha]

☺{{{ephes!!!}}}☺

Enjoy!
(& take me w ya!)

[Harmony]

Yup vacation are NOT just a respite from work. They are good experiences for every human. We are taking one too. Very excited but also feel a little guilty leaving family behind. One thing I will add is that human tragedy has taught me not to delay or put off all joys until tomorrow. There are no guarantees. Take the trip, eat the chocolate and smell the flowers. Do it today.

Harmony

[ephes]

aww thank you guys.
Reisha! Something tells me we'd get along just fine and have a good time:). I take you with me in spirit!
ephes over and out

[Magpie]

Sounds idyllic and much needed, time away does the head and heart good. Time to step away, be distracted, focus on a little bit of self-care and a vacation from thinking, feeling, being in the existence of who you are. Which, for so many of us is exhausting and a burden at times.

Have a great rest, enjoy the sweet flow of mundane, quiet and peace-you deserve to rest and it is ok to do that. Sometimes the soul needs time to rest, and a vacation can do just that xx

[there]

ephes,
you do deserve a real vacation. Hope you totally love it

[ephes]

Thank you all for your kind words.
While escaping to another place hasn't solved any of my problems it has lightened my mood and warmed me a bit on the inside. It's pushed me into the world so to speak and I feel more active and qualified to participate in that world again.
I'm also thankful of the beauty there is to see and that I'm alive to see it.

[EasyStreet]

to quote a line from an 10 year old American situation comedy, "treat yo self". These two people who work together take a day off every once in a while, and the goal is to "treat yo self". And they spend the day doing that together.

So ephes here it is from me; "treat yo self"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm imagining you as I know you from this forum, including all your scars and wounds, and inner hurt, putting it aside for a while if possible, enjoying yourself, relaxing, having fun. You are worthy and deserving of this at least.