Nazdaq returns

[Nazdaq]

Hi all,
I am a really old member, I think I was on here in 2008-2009 maybe? I am returning because I had my marriage breakdown and my soon-to-be ex husband took my 1y.o daughter away from me (on her birthday no less!) She'll be 2y.o tomorrow.
I **might** get to see her tomorrow on her birthday but it's in a contact centre, 100% supervised at all times and only for an hour.
I have never been to a contact centre in my life and I don't know what to expect at all...

I don't even know if she'll remember me since she was so young when she was taken from me. I didn't get to see her much before she was taken either, my ex emotionally abused me for months prior instigating a major suicide attempt (I am diagnosed BPD -- EUPD, or emotionally unstable personality disorder as it is termed now) so anyways, I had a broken leg (smashed in 10x places, nearly was an amputation) at the time she was taken. I was getting around on crutches but I had to do two flights of stairs up and down to my flat on a daily basis (I live in a building with no lift) anyways so my ex knew he could just put her in a daycare and I couldn't follow and then in the evenings he'd push me about if I tried to get near her for example, or he'd just put her to bed. He wouldn't even let me feed her dinner, or read her a story.
I almost died giving birth to her and I can't have anymore kids most likely (but that's a story for another time)

So yeah, if anyone has experience of contact centres for seeing their kids (in the UK) please tell me it'll be OK?
I'm also stressing because I have an emotional support dog who goes everywhere with me, but I know I cannot take her with me tomorrow.
I only have to leave her for a couple of hours and she'll be crated and probably sleeping but it still stresses me out having to leave her. I do have a face-to-face meeting with my mental health case worker in the afternoon though so that will help as it'll be either before the visitation or after it.
**sigh**

Other irony (which was a little triggering) is that my daughter is called Harmony.
The moderator of this forum also goes by that name, noticed when I clicked on to post.
The universe always likes to throw odd coincidences like that at me (like my lawyer who is working to get my daughter back to me, his daughter who he's also banned from seeing has the same birthday as mine)
**sigh**

Thank you for reading this far </virtual cookie>

[VAC]

Nazdaq,

Good to see you back, but so sorry for your troubles.....

Your ex is abusive, but you are banned...oh my.



vac

[wolfspirit]

Nazdaq,
I don't have any experience with a contact centre as you describe, but I just wanted you to know that I'm here listening if you want to share more about what happens.
Sending thoughts of calm and clarity for when you see your daughter.

wolfspirit

[Nazdaq]

Thanks both.
Turns out I don't get to see her today.
So it's officially more than a year since I have seen her.

He (my ex) is currently running from/avoiding social services hoping they go away (and they are dragging thier heels now because he's being so difficult)

My lawyer is frustrated and taking it out on me.

I am trying to keep distracted today and not think about what day it is (as I had a very traumatic birth with her so I don't want the memories) but I slept terribly (nightmares though thankfully I can't remember what they were about)
I shout, scream and throw things in my sleep when I have nightmares, so I don't feel rested at all.
**sigh**

[Nazdaq]

UPDATE: My lawyer has now dropped the case because he let his personal judgement get in the way (he has a daughter who he doesn't see her birthday is also today. He has seen her as a baby and a toddler though so he isn't in the same position as me) I told him that (ie: he's male, hasn't been through pregnancy with an eating disorder, near death through botched surgery and care through the pregnancy, a small baby who you have to pump milk for despite a life-threatening infection and struggling to bond because of mental illness) I overcame all of that and more and then my narcissistic husband took the baby away from me on her 1st birthday. Today is her 2nd and now said lawyer is dropping the case (so I have to pay another firm an hourly rate which he KNOWS I cannot do as I am out of work right now and he has already been paid my LIFE SAVINGS) He is also contesting a business idea which I had and have done all the research for, business plan, paid for web domains and registration documents in the UK (he came up with the initial "what if" but that was a no-go after I did the market research) so I'm NOT letting him get away with this!!!
He earns MILLIONS and he has a number of businesses already. So NO WAY am I letting him get away with this!!
Nope! (He'll end up suing for an empty website and a company number but little else LOL since I am not proceeding with anything until he buts the f*** out of my business!! Hah, IDIOT)
**sigh*

Anyways I just had a visit with my mental health case worker, and I am now drinking my favourite cider and eating birthday cake for my girl.
I will not let ANYONE (I don't care who they are) walk all over me ANYMORE!!!!

[reisha]

well, welcome back, {NAZDAQ!!!}
so sorry to read of the domestic/custody issues. my heart hurts for ya, to read that. i dont have any .... 'useful skills' in that regard, but i do have tons of empathy & support for ya as ya work thru this.
sendin tons of strength & perseverance vibes to ya!!

[Jonesy]

Hi Nazdaq

It's good to see your name, but I'm really sorry to hear of the situation you're in regarding your daughter. I hope you find a way through this, sooner rather than later, and that everyone involved works together in her best interests.
I have a very good friend who had to go through a series of supervised visits with his son (who was 8 at the time) and he found it emotionally hard going. His access has grown from an hour a month in a contact centre to overnight weekend visits twice a month. Hang in there.

[wolfspirit]

Nazdaq,
Very lame what that lawyer is doing.
I'm glad you're not backing down.
Sending strength and encouragement as you go through this.

ws