Started DBT group

[Diver]

It's hard. It's so freaking hard. I hate it and it makes me so angry I want to cry.
And (see that, that's the point. And instead of but) it's starting to stick around in my head and maybe even helping.
I'm still a wreck. I feel have no control over my so over the top intense emotions.
Dbt feels impossible. A lot of times I want to quit.
Sticking with it for now. Got a kiddo I don't want to totally mess up.
Got a big lump in my throat and feel like I could cry for hours. Just want to sleep.

[recover]

hi diver,
so very good to see your name. i support you in your new endeavor. it does sound so very hard. very very hard. AND you are working at it.
i haven't done DBT but am currently looking for someone to work with. my pdoc suggested i try it as an adjunct to my T since i've been having such a rough time.
i truly believe that any work you do on yourself benefits your son many times over. i have found that to be very true for myself and my two young adult children throughout their entire lives.
sending love and support to you,
recover

[Diver]

Thanks recover. You're so kind

[Harmony]

Dear Diver,

Thank you so much for posting. I have a LOT of personal interest in your experience and struggles. I may soon be walking in the doors of a DBT myself. After years of trying so hard there is the possibility of true hope and change. I understand DBT is NOT just for those with borderline personality disorder. I understand that it is also for those with complex PST who have tried for years with traditional therapy and been stuck. It is my hope for you and myself we find the peace, stability and healing we so very much want.

I really hope you post as much as possible your DBT journey. I expect it might not be pretty. Please stick with it and see it through. I wish you great healing. You are inspiring.

with support,
Harmony

[hopeful]

(((((((((Diver)))))))))

Not so many words of late, but supporting non the less.

Am waiting for dbt and waiting and waiting...

love and hugs
hopeful

[hummingbird]

(((((((((((((((((((((Diver))))))))))))))))))))
I was able to take DBT through my HMO, and it has been so helpful! It was very hard, but over time has given me skills that I can use on my own, and this has been so empowering! Please do keep posting about how it is for you. Sending you care and healing wishes.

[there]

Thanks for telling us this!!!!

[MellitaPuella]

Hi everyone. I was in a dbt day program for a while. I found a lot of the concepts so helpful. I think a lot of my dbt teachers and Ts thought the dbt process more important than the individual, if that makes sense. I was at a very highly reputable program, rated one of the best in the country, however it might have been that they weren't employing it properly. Nevertheless, I have taken a lot from it.it helped me learn the language I needed to talk about and begin to actually understand my emotions. It helped me to begin my journey of self acceptance. I think Marsha Lineham (the creator of dbt) is fallible, like all humans, but I also think dbt can be very helpful. I wish you (all) all the best with it.

[hummingbird]

I did complete the DBT training and found the mindfulness training modules to be very helpful. I mentioned before elsewhere that I asked the facilitators what to do about the terrible emotional pain I carried (beneath behaviors and symptoms), but they were clueless, didn't seem to understand what I was talking about. I found help and understanding for working with the emotional pain of my childhood in other places from other people.

I learned helpful skills in DBT, but no magic bullet. No one thing will heal me, many ideas and therapies are helping. Learning self-compassion practices is my focus now, as well as working with my inner critic and my Inner Child.

I find it saves me a lot of heartache to remember that therapists are just people too, and I'm the only expert on my own life and responsible for my own healing.

[Diver]

Well I did quit. New dbt lady triggered me so badly with this contract that included that my old t would not respond to me anymore at a very bad time when I had no skills to cope.
I wanted to change therapists. They said no. I ditched it.
Things have changed. We are about to move a half hour further away, making it an hour drive to get there. And sinus surgery, missed groups/sessions anyway. Not worth it. Plus I won't work with that lady anymore.
I guess this is not the most positive transition.

However, the whole ordeal and the crises that followed this cutting off contact taught me I was too dependent on my old t. That I need to move on. He is responding to me now, so I feel a safety net again and not so so terrified. Will try another individual t to work a combo approach maybe talking and skills.

Aside from all of that and my anger at dbt, in the short time I was there I may have learned a few things. They just pop in my head at certain times. I've been having panic attacks again for the last few months. I've so far been pretty much unable to cope in a healthy manner.
I've tried a few things from the book and not had much of a result. But tonight I came up with my own way of grounding/distracting myself from the rumination that revs up the anxiety. I name and spell as many things as I can see, I can repeat a spelling until I find a new object. For some reason that works. I don't remember reading that one anywhere, but just naming things didn't help, spelling does. And sometimes I think of hard words to spell. This all helped me get through a panic wave on the drive home tonight while waiting for the anxiety meds to kick in.
So maybe I will just add my own twist to things from the book.
Reminds me of little kids that are stubborn when you suggest something, but if they think it's their idea it's on. Well, I've been a stubborn child 32 years now, eh...
Spelling.....
Here's my favorite big word to spell. I've known how to spell it since i was a little kid:
Antidisestablishmentarianism.