Hello

[Killenger1019]

River wrote - “How do you like your new place? Did you get settled in ok?”

Thank you for asking River! I really like my new place and yes I am nearly settled in. It is very peaceful and in my now age of 35 years old I have learned to appreciate peaceful.

River wrote - “When you became aware of your behaviors and why...how did you change them? How did you change your confirmation biases or your beliefs so you could change your behaviors? Like believing others when they compliment you, or looking for love and acceptance from men by sleeping around so much, drugs, etc, etc?”

River, it was by and through recognizing the faulty thinking I allowed myself to accept. See victims often do things that continue to allow themselves to be victims by telling themselves terrible things such as, it was my fault, I am now damaged goods, no one will like me, no one understands me, I will never amount to anything, I hate myself, I don’t deserve to be treated well, ect… This is a list that could go on and on unfortunately. There is one thing that all of these messages have in common…. They are all lies…. So your questions was, “When you became aware of your behaviors and why...how did you change them?” The direct answer is I stopped lying to myself and stopped contributing to these lies by telling myself them over and over. I simply put it, just stopped. Of course at first all change is hard but it is possible.


River wrote - I don't like myself very much and do a lot of self-destructive behaviors, etc. And as far as answering the questions about value, love and respect....I can give you the "right answers"...or text book definitions.....so I am not sure how it would expose my perspectives based on my abuse? How do I do that? Or how do I heal the effects? I know I don't value, love and respect myself...but I don't know how to change that?

River, I am so sorry and I understand what you mean when you stated that you can give me the text book version of value, love, and respect and the exposing part comes for you as a person not living up to the perspective on the your version of the text book. Just as you said and just as I said we made compermises in these area's of our life's.

So here is a bit of a mind twist and it may take a little bit of contemplation to understand this fully. Emotions are not generated outside of ourselves. All of our feelings come from within us. When you feel angry you are creator of that emotion, no one else passed that along to you like they would a glass of water. This took me sometime to understand but if you can’t produce self love (because all emotions come from within) how can you truly feel love? The answer is you can’t and as a result you get an array of behaviors that stem from that. Basically your love emotion manufacture is broken so to speak and the only way to get it up and running again is to change our patterns and perspectives that contribute to this. You start with weeding out the faulty thinking, then stop telling yourself lies, then move on to acceptance of yourself flaw and all….


These last parts are a bit confusing but think about it for a little bit and let me know if any questions come up about it.

River,
Take Care!

[River]

Killenger1019,

Thanks so much for explaining and taking the time to answer my questions. My head is all over the place and we were in the hospital for a week, so we haven't been around or able to focus much to be able to think about your post or respond. But, I do want to........

I'm sure your posts are helping many here......thank-you for sharing!

River

[Killenger1019]

Wow River, are you okay? Don't worry about responding. Get better and once you are will continue to talk.
Until then I will keep you in my thoughts....
Take care!

[there]

Killenger,
i only read your 1st post cuz I don't have time for more atm.
Thank you for that. It rule helps me to see where I am at.
I'm doing better than I thought!

there

[River]

Hi Killenger1019,

Just wondered how you were doing. Haven't seen you around for awhile. Hope everything is going well for you.

River