still going on

This is a place for old members to come and share how their healing journeys have progressed.
Its also a place for those members to reconnect and share their experiences.

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VAC
Member
Posts: 724
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC »

Hello,

I often dream...much of it is mental run off; sometimes it is very symbolic and also literal.

I have taken to afternoon naps several days a week, which are most refreshing to me. After a lifetime of insomnia it is a gift.

I rarely have dreams of a sexual nature, but today had one that was not graphic, and I won't go into details, but it explained to me the mechanics of generational incest. I have considered before that this was possibly a plague in my family for some time.

The essentials of this dream as I had it were a victim, an abuser both riding on the back of an enabler. That is something I have seen before but it was just so plain in this dream. It was unsettling and I have been very quiet the rest of the day.

I thank God that this stopped and pray it will never cross my generations again.

I confided in a relative part of our struggle as a family, and it unnerved them. They have been distant since then. I know he spoke to another one of my few cousins. She is older than me but told me that we should all get together and talk about "our secrets".

I am wired to mourn for loss and heartache...it is a part of love and life, and quiet honestly, I think it is a personally healthy thing mentally.

Today was sort of like forensic pathology and I did take a nose dive for a couple of hours. I do so enjoy life. I never banked on being old or knowing what I know now, but even so, this has been a journey that is not yet done.

There is so much the darkness would like to be fatal. I refuse to be killed anymore. I will be comforted and healed and will try to comfort others.

I believe this is the positive inheritance of survivors. WE live.
Last edited by Harmony on Sun Mar 08, 2020 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited from ST to MT, as some triggering detail is included
VAC
Member
Posts: 724
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC »

Hello,

Our nation is shut down and the sick seem to be spreading around the country....I have never seen this in all my years. It seems we are on the brink of tomorrow.

I have been much calmer. We are shut in for the most part going out only once a week or so. People are hurried, tense.

For the first time in my life, I saw two soldiers walking up our street nonchalantly, just boys really.

Our schools and most businesses are shut down. We have been able to do some of our business online.

I wish peace and safety on each one of you.

V.
coconuts
Member
Posts: 5143
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: still going on

Post by coconuts »

It's a very surreal experience vac. Unique in that it's one so many around the entire world can relate to right now.

It's difficult in is own way. And anxiety producing and triggering in other ways. I remind myself it's just a moment in time. Before we know it, it will be a "remember when" story

Wishing you and yours the best VAC
Be the Light 🌟 in someone's night.
Harmony
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 6365
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 8:10 pm

Re: still going on

Post by Harmony »

Dear VAC,

Nice to see you write. Meanwhile the world seems to have calmed down. I see neighbors helping one another. People out walking. The air is cleaner and the rivers are recovering from pollution.

There are always at least two sides to every issues. May you continue to live peacefully and calmly in your own safety. The world will heal one way or another. Most nations have put down their weapons with one notable exception. That makes peace amidst the plague. How odd eh? We are hunkered in for now.

Stay well,
Harmony
VAC
Member
Posts: 724
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC »

Hello,

it is very late/early for me.....I wish we would have an isurvive convention. Would like to look everyone in the face and say thankyou.

Amazing short, hazy vignettes of images and sounds. I could never bear to be mocked or laughed at....now I think I know the root. We are well enough. This has been a halcyon Spring. So wonderful.

Peace to each of you,

V.
Last edited by Harmony on Sat May 09, 2020 4:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited from MT to NT due to no specific triggering material nor language.
there
Member
Posts: 9099
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: still going on

Post by there »

Hi, VAC,
I like how you put it—-“a halcyon spring”.
The spring here has been amazing, too, and never more welcome.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
VAC
Member
Posts: 724
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC »

Hello,

Hope everyone is healthy. I know this sounds silly, but when we moved into this house 23 years ago, I found a little turtle about the size of a silver dollar. He stayed in this yard all these years. I put water out for him.

I liked to get up early and see him licking dew off the grass. It was a rite of passage, something that I looked forward to. I kept water out for him most of the time. He was growing, looked like a real turtle. He roamed everywhere, even out of the yard but always came back.

I found my turtle dead a couple of weeks ago. I buried him between two summer blooming trees with purple flowers, and a pink wisteria vine.

I have always had a special attachment to animals. My mom had many positive attributes....anytime a turtle was in the road, she would pull over to the side and make me run back and rescue it to the side it was headed. She said they were slow and needed extra help.

I wrote all this to say I really miss that turtle. It made me very sad. I am and will always be a kid at heart. I had looked forward to him growing larger and finding a mate for him.

So silly to be emotional about a little bit of thing that wouldn't even let me touch him, but whose presence brought me great joy.

Thanks,

VAC
VAC
Member
Posts: 724
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC »

hello....

Just wanted you all to know the turtle I buried was not ours, evidently a visitor. Our box turtle is alive and well...I was able to put water out and watch him drink. I would like him to have a mate...he stays hidden most of the time. I can watch him drink dew delicately from leaves..

Thanks for your ears.

VAC
dancingfish
Member
Posts: 1137
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: still going on

Post by dancingfish »

Hey there VAC. Ah I just misunderstood your posts, glad to hear your turtle is still happily enjoying your lovely care of it! Still, sad to see another turtle gone. It may have had many, many happy years to it though.

Here listening, take good care of yourself too now. :)
VAC
Member
Posts: 724
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:16 am

Re: still going on

Post by VAC »

Thanks, Dancing Fish....I know sometimes I may seem mystical.

Sorry if it sounded cryptic...

VAC
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