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a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:26 pm
by LoveAnalog
Hello.
I did post something in the "Newbies" forum/topic to introduce myself and our situation.
Quickly, my wife suffered horrible abuses as a child and into adulthood. She is presently diagnosed with Complex PTSD, Disassociation, Major Depression, and an Eating Disorder. She also cuts herself as some type of "relief" in especially difficult times.
In my earlier post, I do say that I am here to support my wife however I can. I am looking not only for some advice and tips and education, but also some support for myself, as this whole thing gets difficult at times, and I hate with a passion seeing her suffer.
I know in the real world, there is only so much I can do to be a good support to her, and I'm more than willing to do that. In a fantasy world, of course, I just wish I could suck all the pain and horrible nightmares and memories out from her and permanently dispose of them. I also wish I could simply heal her and/or help her recovery with all the love I can give her.
What's a husband of such a woman to do?
No, I'm not ignorant regarding all this - I have been educating myself, and do accompany her as a supporting partner to most of her appointments. I have learned some real ways that I can assist her in a moment of crisis.
I'm just left with this feeling of wanting to do even more, and that's the main reason I joined up here.
It is difficult, and I do need some support in addition to wanting to help her better.

I'd appreciate whatever you people can throw my way.
Thanks in advance!
Take care, and all the best.....

Re: a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 11:58 pm
by Harmony
Dear newbie Love Analog,

You are very noble wanting to help your wife with her abuse issues. Let me suggest what might be the most helpful thing you could do:

Get help for yourself!

Whaaat? She's the hurt one right? It is all her problems right? Well guess again. People often pick partners for very good reasons. Those reasons may or may not be clear you, yourself. There are a lot of reasons people pick abused partners but whatever it remains yours to deal with. Maybe it was just luck or chance but you get to clean up your side of the relationship.

As a married person I can assure you everyone has some issues. It would be awesome for her to see you get good help with therapy. She might be inspired and supported. It will give you a chance to see what is your stuff and what is hers.

A few other ideas: believe her reports of the abuse always, listen to her the best you can, remain as calm as you can, and lastly take great care of yourself as well as the family.


Ok easy right? No but totally worth it.

all the best,
Harmony

Re: a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:43 am
by LoveAnalog
Hello, Harmony.
Thanks ever so much for the reply and good advice.
Those things I can do for my wife that you mentioned, I am already doing.
As for taking care of myself, I as well am in therapy for my Major Depressive Disorder.
I do have moments where I do need to step away from her for a little while, and I meditate for a bit. And my wife and I are keeping a pretty good and open line of communication going, where we do mention sometimes what we need, or what we need to take care of ourselves.

So, thanks again, Harmony. I'll continue to read and explore this wonderful site.
Take care, with all the best....

Re: a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 12:24 am
by recover
hi loveanalog,
wow you sound like an awesome husband, a great guy.
glad you are getting support too.
warmly,
recover

Re: a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 7:35 pm
by the husband
Welcome Loveanalog.

You've come to the right place. I'm in a similar situation to yours and can offer empathy and advice if desired. Harmony has already covered the important "heal thyself" aspects. It's good that you are already in therapy. If your therapist is familiar with sexual abuse survival and PTSD that would be ideal. Aside from help with depression you will need validation and somebody who is able to help you begin to understand how your wife may perceive things. There were many revelations for me there.

Please let us know what you need.

Re: a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2016 12:29 am
by Xanthia
Happy birthday LoveAnalog,

May today commence a wonderful personal new year.

I trust life has improved for you and your wife since your last post.

Warm regards,

Re: a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2016 6:57 am
by the husband
I've been thinking about LoveAnalog as well. I wish I knew how to encourage the other Loved Ones to stick around and share. We could learn so much from each other.

Re: a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2016 9:44 pm
by Jonesy
Hi guys

I emailed LoveAnalog...

Re: a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:51 am
by the husband
Jonesy! Thank you!

Re: a newbie - husband to abused wife.....

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2016 6:14 am
by Jonesy
Wish I had better news to share, but there has been no response