Back, I think?
Moderators: Aspen, Jonesy, Harbor
-
kspouse
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
Rodeo,you can read my post on what you are going through as I am there also.My wife filed for divorce.After counceling which she didnt find working at all its something she has been planning even before therapy.As told by many dont blame yourself,when I look back at all I tried I dont have any regrets..The only concern for me is the kids..I am trying to protect them from her and her actions but they know how she is and cant change that at all.
-
Lydia
- Member
- Posts: 678
- Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 8:38 pm
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
Rodeo,
I just have a few minutes, I'll try to get back and write more later. It's good to see you, but I too am sad that it's so rough.
Lydia
I just have a few minutes, I'll try to get back and write more later. It's good to see you, but I too am sad that it's so rough.
Lydia
Vulnerability is the most accurate measure of courage.-Brene Brown
-
rodeo
- Member
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:27 am
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
Hi All,
I know it's been awhile but life is keeping me really busy. I've basically been out of town traveling & working for about 5 weeks. During this time it has given both myself & my W the time to reflect especially since the last straw was thrown out. I did tell her that I was going to move out when I returned.
However, as much as I hated that conversation I think it (not that I wanted to do this) pushed her to realized that she needed to really start addressing what was wrong & really work on her issuses. So it seems she really started working in T.
Over the past couple of weeks as I've been out of town I have noticed some real differences in her treatment of me & herself. Also noticed a difiniatve change in her thought pattern concerning our son & wanting to be more avaiable as a parent. It's been a really different change in the tone of our conversations. Also she has spent some time just beginning to share her interests with me again.
Also unprompted she said in T that she felt that she is somewhat narrissictic, hope I spelled that right. You could have pushed me over with a feather. This is something I have felt for quite some time, however I kept it to my self due to not wanting to add to her list of things that she keeps on herself. When she stated this thats when I knew she was really beginning to work on herself. This is a pattern that I believe goes back to her father. I believe she is now really beginning to see the entire scope of this situation.
With all that said I am disappointed in myself for allowing her to push me to the point where I finally just blew up. I had hoped for her to see things for herself without me being a complete asshole about it.
However I'm really pround of her for striding forward once again. Our anniversary is in two weeks & once again I will be out of town. BUT, I have plans to celebrate it with her next week when I'm home for all of two days. I'm going to focus on her and our achivments this year for an entire day. And let her know that there will be faliures along the way from both of us, but as long as we continue to work we will survive through this as a team.
prayers & ((hugs)) if wanted,
Rodeo
I know it's been awhile but life is keeping me really busy. I've basically been out of town traveling & working for about 5 weeks. During this time it has given both myself & my W the time to reflect especially since the last straw was thrown out. I did tell her that I was going to move out when I returned.
However, as much as I hated that conversation I think it (not that I wanted to do this) pushed her to realized that she needed to really start addressing what was wrong & really work on her issuses. So it seems she really started working in T.
Over the past couple of weeks as I've been out of town I have noticed some real differences in her treatment of me & herself. Also noticed a difiniatve change in her thought pattern concerning our son & wanting to be more avaiable as a parent. It's been a really different change in the tone of our conversations. Also she has spent some time just beginning to share her interests with me again.
Also unprompted she said in T that she felt that she is somewhat narrissictic, hope I spelled that right. You could have pushed me over with a feather. This is something I have felt for quite some time, however I kept it to my self due to not wanting to add to her list of things that she keeps on herself. When she stated this thats when I knew she was really beginning to work on herself. This is a pattern that I believe goes back to her father. I believe she is now really beginning to see the entire scope of this situation.
With all that said I am disappointed in myself for allowing her to push me to the point where I finally just blew up. I had hoped for her to see things for herself without me being a complete asshole about it.
However I'm really pround of her for striding forward once again. Our anniversary is in two weeks & once again I will be out of town. BUT, I have plans to celebrate it with her next week when I'm home for all of two days. I'm going to focus on her and our achivments this year for an entire day. And let her know that there will be faliures along the way from both of us, but as long as we continue to work we will survive through this as a team.
prayers & ((hugs)) if wanted,
Rodeo
-
sparrow130
- Member
- Posts: 163
- Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2011 12:14 pm
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
Tired now, Rodeo, but wanted to let you know I'm glad for you 
sparrow
sparrow
-
the husband
- Member
- Posts: 529
- Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 6:11 am
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
Hi rodeo
Wow, you've had a lot of movement there. If it were me, I would feel excited and hopeful - mixed with a little fear. Congratulations.
I hope you can let go of the disappointment in yourself for allowing yourself to be pushed into blowing up. As I see it, you demonstrated superhuman tolerance and strength for quite some time. Blowing up as you did, and perhaps even when you did may have been the thing that touched off the change. I know that my wife was stunned when I, the designated rock, finally said I'd had enough of the situation.
Wow, you've had a lot of movement there. If it were me, I would feel excited and hopeful - mixed with a little fear. Congratulations.
I hope you can let go of the disappointment in yourself for allowing yourself to be pushed into blowing up. As I see it, you demonstrated superhuman tolerance and strength for quite some time. Blowing up as you did, and perhaps even when you did may have been the thing that touched off the change. I know that my wife was stunned when I, the designated rock, finally said I'd had enough of the situation.
-
rodeo
- Member
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:27 am
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
Husband,
I think you might be correct. I do believe that it's a small part of all of the movement. what I'm happier to say is currently the focus for her is on her relationship with our son. I can wait & deal but he needs his mom. She really seems to be working on gaining skills that should have been taught to her by her parents & never were.
Return home day after tomorrow. Been home 1 week in the last five due to work & even then I was in class & not "really there". So basically I've been absent for about 1 1/2 months. I'll be home for two days then gone another week, off two then work two out of town & then home for five. I feel this will really give a peer into how she is doing & now that I'm slowed down on my freaking out mabey a better look from my perspective on how to deal with this.
Rodeo
I think you might be correct. I do believe that it's a small part of all of the movement. what I'm happier to say is currently the focus for her is on her relationship with our son. I can wait & deal but he needs his mom. She really seems to be working on gaining skills that should have been taught to her by her parents & never were.
Return home day after tomorrow. Been home 1 week in the last five due to work & even then I was in class & not "really there". So basically I've been absent for about 1 1/2 months. I'll be home for two days then gone another week, off two then work two out of town & then home for five. I feel this will really give a peer into how she is doing & now that I'm slowed down on my freaking out mabey a better look from my perspective on how to deal with this.
Rodeo
-
coast
- Member
- Posts: 347
- Joined: Fri Jul 22, 2011 10:11 am
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
hi rodeo
hope your days at home were good ones
hope your days at home were good ones
member since august 2009
-
Nazdaq
- Member
- Posts: 403
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:16 am
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
Wow, big strides Rodeo. Happy for you, hope it continues in the right direction for both of you.
(((hugs))) if OK?
(((hugs))) if OK?
~ Nazdaq
(learning to thrive since 26th May 2008, 1281 previous posts)
(learning to thrive since 26th May 2008, 1281 previous posts)
-
rodeo
- Member
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:27 am
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
I'm going home for two weeks 
.
BTW I do really appreicate all of you. With this new job it's difficult to post as much as I used to. I'm still in a learning mode in this position.
When I was home last ( for all of 36hrs ) we celebrated our 14 anniversary. It when well, and then since our anniversary was actually the following week while I was out of town I had 14 roses delivered to her work. She normally hates when I (in her words) go over the top on something. This time she seemed to actually appriecate it.
We've agreed to not discuss any issues other than what needs to be discussed, homelife,child,school while I'm traveling. This has seemed to work well for both of us. she's continuing her T while I'm gone & it's interesting to "see" the changes that she makes. I can sometimes hear them in her voice. We decided together that she would not work on Fridays so she could feel more accomplished (OCD) with getting everthing done that she feels she needs to, as long as she agreed that the extra time created by that would be spent with our son or doing family things together. Over the next couple of weeks I'll see if she can use the extra time to relax with us.
I am nervous about going home as this will really be the first test of me being gone for an extended period (since all of this started) & then returning home & disrupting her schedule. Also, since my weight is an issue for her, traveling has not helped me with that. Having to eat out all of the time while being stressed by our situation as well as being in this new job is not condusive to losing weight. I'm doing ok & am making better choices in food selection but still have managed to add a few pounds. I disappointed in that myself because of the triathlon. It has also been difficult to work out just due to my schedule. Still in a learning mode & it's fustrating to me & I don't want her to hold it against me when I'm already disappointed in myself.
We dicided together that while home that I would attend one of the functions for her hobby that I used to, but withdrew because of the issue that it caused I stopped. Nervous about that as well as that will show in great detail by her actions of where she actually is in her thought pattern. So we'll see....
Hope is well with all of you & am looking forward to the holidays.
Rodeo
. BTW I do really appreicate all of you. With this new job it's difficult to post as much as I used to. I'm still in a learning mode in this position.
When I was home last ( for all of 36hrs ) we celebrated our 14 anniversary. It when well, and then since our anniversary was actually the following week while I was out of town I had 14 roses delivered to her work. She normally hates when I (in her words) go over the top on something. This time she seemed to actually appriecate it.
We've agreed to not discuss any issues other than what needs to be discussed, homelife,child,school while I'm traveling. This has seemed to work well for both of us. she's continuing her T while I'm gone & it's interesting to "see" the changes that she makes. I can sometimes hear them in her voice. We decided together that she would not work on Fridays so she could feel more accomplished (OCD) with getting everthing done that she feels she needs to, as long as she agreed that the extra time created by that would be spent with our son or doing family things together. Over the next couple of weeks I'll see if she can use the extra time to relax with us.
I am nervous about going home as this will really be the first test of me being gone for an extended period (since all of this started) & then returning home & disrupting her schedule. Also, since my weight is an issue for her, traveling has not helped me with that. Having to eat out all of the time while being stressed by our situation as well as being in this new job is not condusive to losing weight. I'm doing ok & am making better choices in food selection but still have managed to add a few pounds. I disappointed in that myself because of the triathlon. It has also been difficult to work out just due to my schedule. Still in a learning mode & it's fustrating to me & I don't want her to hold it against me when I'm already disappointed in myself.
We dicided together that while home that I would attend one of the functions for her hobby that I used to, but withdrew because of the issue that it caused I stopped. Nervous about that as well as that will show in great detail by her actions of where she actually is in her thought pattern. So we'll see....
Hope is well with all of you & am looking forward to the holidays.
Rodeo
-
Jonesy
- Director
- Posts: 16156
- Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm
Re: Back, I think? *Triggers*
Hi rodeo
It's good to hear how things are going.
It's good to hear how things are going.
You are important
Email: jonesy@isurvive.org
Email: jonesy@isurvive.org