I don't know how to help my friend. She was in a tough situation, and I'm not sure what to call it or what to say. My friend, who's an adult but has some learning disabilities, had a violent bf who was a minor (a few months younger than her, and he's an adult now). One day, he was depressed and she came to his house to cheer him up. He had a gun in his mouth, and said he was going to kill himself. So, she asked him what she could do, and he told her to have sex with him or he'd kill himself. So, she did. She would never have done this if the coercion hadn't been there. In our state, if an adult has sex with a minor, that's statutory rape. But if a person has a gun in his mouth, is known to be violent, and coerces someone to have sex, that's rape.
When this happened, she was so afraid to tell me, and thought I wouldn't be friends with her since it was her "choice". I just told her I would always be her friend, that I loved her no matter what, that she could tell me anything, and that he was not a safe person. However, it just hit me today that he coerced her. Neither one of them is going to press charges, but my friend has already been through so much. Bullying, stalking, peeping toms, and the bf's friends made empty threats about going to the police. She still blames herself for not calling emergency services. How do I help her through this? What do I tell her?
Not sure what to tell my friend
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Not sure what to tell my friend
"Isn't it bewildering…that everything is so beautiful, despite all the horrors that exist?" ~Sophie Scholl
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Re: Not sure what to tell my friend
dear becomingbutterfly
i am not entirelly sure what i or antone coulg tell you. you are such a caring person. even with you own abuse to deal with you are trying to help someone else.
having said that is this a coping mechonisum useing this to avoid your own issues. just a thought.
anyway. i wondered how much of a learning diffeculty your friend has is she classed as disabled. that would be taken in to consideration if the police were invoived.
i would reasure her that she had no choice and she did what she did to save his life this was not a free choice. alsp she would be best avoiding this person no matter how much he pleads her to see him he is not good for her. he abused her friendship and took advantage of her by threttening to take his own life. she has nothing to feel bad about.
englishrose
i am not entirelly sure what i or antone coulg tell you. you are such a caring person. even with you own abuse to deal with you are trying to help someone else.
having said that is this a coping mechonisum useing this to avoid your own issues. just a thought.
anyway. i wondered how much of a learning diffeculty your friend has is she classed as disabled. that would be taken in to consideration if the police were invoived.
i would reasure her that she had no choice and she did what she did to save his life this was not a free choice. alsp she would be best avoiding this person no matter how much he pleads her to see him he is not good for her. he abused her friendship and took advantage of her by threttening to take his own life. she has nothing to feel bad about.
englishrose
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Re: Not sure what to tell my friend
Hi englishrose, I appreciate your concern. You're such a sweetheart. No, this wasn't against me, but it happened to a dear friend of mine who I have known since primary school. She dumped the guy and is avoiding him, so that is good. Thank you for the words, I will point out to her that she didn't have a choice and that this was not her fault. (((((((englishrose)))))))
"Isn't it bewildering…that everything is so beautiful, despite all the horrors that exist?" ~Sophie Scholl
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Re: Not sure what to tell my friend
englishrose, I wanted to thank you again for responding. I talked to her today, and reassured her that it was not her fault. I told her I was sorry that earlier, when I had comforted her, I had not said that. It seemed to help her.
"Isn't it bewildering…that everything is so beautiful, despite all the horrors that exist?" ~Sophie Scholl
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Re: Not sure what to tell my friend
Hi becomingbutterfly
I have emailed you.
I have emailed you.
You are important
Email: jonesy@isurvive.org
Email: jonesy@isurvive.org
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Re: Not sure what to tell my friend
hi becomingbutterfly
thank you for that. i am glad it helped. you are such a caring person. what i said in my first post,i was thinking more weither you were spending time helping others so as not to think and deal with your own healing. that was my thought. its a coping method. if not just ignore.
englishrose
thank you for that. i am glad it helped. you are such a caring person. what i said in my first post,i was thinking more weither you were spending time helping others so as not to think and deal with your own healing. that was my thought. its a coping method. if not just ignore.
englishrose