kspouse

[Anonymous]

Holy $h!+ Kspouse.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that!
• why us the ex exposing the girls to a possibly violent person?
On that basis alone you should be able to request that the girls not go to those people's house. It's obviously not a safe place.
• why would the police coming to their house be so outragous ? Have they Got something to hide?
I'm fighting mad about this- furious , livid , pissed.... I could go on but, I'll spare ya.
Can not fathom seeing a lil girl get hit by a boy( in the FACE) and stand by complacent. Let alone if it were my kid... Oh the wrath that would consume me... Hell on earth.
Honestly - the kid is probably clueless . His actions were probably a learned behavior, from his father I'm sure . It's sad really. Violence was that child's first choice.
I would caution you to be careful ( I'm sure you are) . There is no telling what the ex has told these people about you. She's grooming them to think that you are dangerous for all we know.
I'm sorry but what a jerk?!
Your poor lil girlie . Maybe some self defense courses would help? My dad made me take some after I was on the receiving end of a whoop- down by a bully at school . It helped with my confidence also as well as taught the bully that she only got the better of me once- the next time - she was in the nurses station. I begged her not to fight me. I avoided her like the plague. But when she finally cornered me- I was ready and willing to defend myself.
I'm so sorry all this is happening to you and those sweet kiddos. Geez I wish I could help. Have you thought of installing a dash-cam on your car? It's legal . Might be useful for kiddo exchanges. Especially to prove that you are NOT being the aggressor . My heart goes out to you and your girls.
Sending good calm zen vibes to you.
You have my support & care. You handled that situation very well. Good job my friend. You were the bigger & better man that day. Your girls will remember that you were there for them when their mother was NOT.
Gonna stop my rant now.
You and those sweet girlies are in my thoughts and heart.
So pissed at you ex. What an embarrassment to women in general.
Hey Lydia.... I think you rock ! ((( puggy hugs)))
((( pug hugs)))

[kspouse]

I documented everything and gave to my atty,that is all I can do...The reason thier Mom hangs around them is because that is where she lives when its not her week at the house...She needs them but at some point she will piss them off..Birds of a feather flock together its what she is used to...The thing I cant understand is why my girls will clam up on me after something like what happened last week and treat me like they dont want to be around me...aybe I am jumping to conclusions here.

This couple she stays with lives in a very up neighborhood,drive mercedes a nd expensive vehicles,BUT they are like fish out of water over there.

[birdygirl]

Kspouse- this couple reminds me of " the Beverly hillbilly's".
I think you are doing the right thing by those sweet kiddos. Please try not to get down on yourself. You are doing what you can. I think you are doing great- given the circumstances .
Now- speaking as a girl...
The girls clamming up could just be an age thing. Brace yourself... Before too long EVERYthing you do will be embarrassing or humiliating to them. It's part of the whole preteen thing. I was mortified if my parents even tried to hug me infront of people . Not to mention if they cheered for me at a game. Lol. Now that I'm grown I write it off to hormones; just a phase.
Or the girls could truly be embarrassed that you see them in the aftermath of spending time with the ex. You know what I mean..,? You see them when they are at their weakest emotionally. It could be that they have some shame associated with what's going on with the ex. Who knows what the ex is saying when you are not there. Not to mention the hillbillies they are being exposed to... " New Money" people are obvious. So eager to show off and blow the money. They have no clue how to make it last.
Why does your ex need to live at their house? That's strange to me. I'm sure she will wear out her welcome sooner rather than later. Maybe you could ask the Atty to include a clause in the custody papers about exposing the girls to a violent environment with a criminal? My bro had his custody atty to include something about a questionable family member of his ex. The guy had an extensive criminal history. So the court agreed that my nephew is not to be around him alone.
Hopefully some of this helps... I hope things will calm down for you quickly.
You have my most sincere support , compassion, & care.
Sending good vibes to you & the girlies. You guys are in my thoughts!

[birdygirl]

Sorry if my other post seemed angry . Want you to know I'm not upset with you at all. Just ticked that you are having to go through this at all. Frustrated that I can't help.
I re- read my post and I thought it might have sounded pissy to ya.
You have done nothing wrong. I'm just angry at the ex & her hillbillies - not you my friend.
((( pug hugs)))

[lonelylife]

Hi kspouse,
You mentioned

The thing I cant understand is why my girls will clam up on me after something like what happened last week and treat me like they dont want to be around me...aybe I am jumping to conclusions here.

From a different perspective, it could be that their mother is trying to close all the holes--whenever there's a "security breach" in a chaotic setting, those interested in having that setting continue uninterrupted start trying to shut down the leaks and your ex may be saying all kinds of things to your girls to shy them away from telling you further things. That's why I say abusers/dysfunctional mindsets are so elusive and how abuse/dysfunction goes on and on unabated. The bully husband could be making threats towards your kids too--they all (he and his family) seem like a very rough bunch and as such probably wouldn't be above threatening children. I will share one thing--when we hate to suspect bad behavior is unfortunately exactly when we need to, so I wouldn't put it past these people at all to be making threats. I mean, this place alone is rife with examples of threats that people only now talk about as adults, having been terrified to speak up as children, and even through much of adulthood, afraid to breathe a word because of the threats leveled during childhood. The thing is, whenever your kids suddenly change behaviors, because of the environment they are being exposed to, something within that environment automatically would fall into one of the possibilities as the potential cause, and the bully husband, and indeed your ex, have already made their position known by their actions surrounding the incident that you did find out about. As a parent myself, I imagine it has to be horrifying to see your kids being exposed to these people, especially on an ongoing basis. If your ex wife is using prescriptions illegally, it may come to a point where you find you need to alert the authorities. I'm sure you probably may not want to as your kids' mother, but if she's doing all these things plus the environment it sounds like a recipe for disaster. I don't even know if the responses I write are at all helpful to you, as I know they have not been as idealistic as even I'd like them to be or wish them to be. If you don't find them helpful do feel free to let me know. And of course feel free to take what you find helpful and leave the rest.

[kspouse]

Birdy,the reason she lives there is she needs them.Her mom will not let her live at her house.SHe has no were else to go.Like I said birds of a feather flock together.So SHe likes being around them for the drama,the husband is like her brothers,blows off the handle and is violent just like she is used to.And yes theres no telling what they say about me but the truth will come out..My youngest told me the other say "Daddy you are the only normal person we know,even some of your family(cousins) are wierd but your not". I said its because I just know right from wrong and was brought up that way and am trying to do that with you and your sister.....Beverly hillbillies is no where near the people she hangs around.They were down to earth with no motives...Her friends are heavy drinkers,partying type,got money quick you are right about that..You didnt sound at all like you meant it bad.Its all good.I am twice as angry as you are about all of this.Doing all I can.

Lonelylife,I agree with everything you are saying.Shes so worried about the leaks and trying to control everything..Someone told me its like she has a tennis court full of floating tennis balls and they keep popping up and she keeps trying to run from one to the other pushing them down.But cant.Its wearing her out.I agree with the bullying..SHe will may wear her welcome out with them.It will happen just a matter of when.The drugs she has all have prescriptions from doctors to her.I dont know if the doctors know about all that she is on,but she is diggin her own grave there.I am glad you take the time to reply and they are helpfull.It is making me more aware of these situations and to plan my move before I get caught up in a bad situation just like last week when I had to go get my daughter.

[birdygirl]

Keep your head up my friend.
I think you are doing great!
I have a good feeling that the truth will come to light. Sending good calm vibes to you. I hope things go smoothly for you. You deserve a break from the drama.
Thought of you guys during my morning meditation . hope it helps.
Sweet lil ((( pug hugs)))

[kspouse]

Thanks Birdy your words of encouragement are good for me....This morning thier Mom calls me and asked if I was going to the awards ceremony at school for 5-8th grade because our oldest is getting an award for 3rd place in an essay contest and she has no idea she placed...I told her I will go.She then asked me if I remember doing to essay with her and i said we have done alot of them but I believe the last one was a certain class and it was a few months ago..She sounded quite shocked but i wasnt just confident.Out of 5 schools she won 3rd place...I was so glad for her.

I sure hope your feeling of truth are real and will come to lite.The Man upstairs told me that also,but its in his time nolt ours.

[birdygirl]

Hey Kspouse- Wow!! Well done for the kiddo!!!
That's pretty impressive! Future writer ? That's quite the accomplishment.
I bet you are one proud Papa- rightly so.
I really believe that things will get better for you- especially when you have your faith .
I'm so excited for lil girlie- out of 5 schools she places 3rd! That's gotta be hundreds if not thousands of kiddos- and she's top 3.
Way to go for you too- I'm sure she got her drive to succeed from you.
Sending calm, good vibes to you & your smart kiddos!!
(((( sweet pug hugs ))))

[kspouse]

Birdy,today when I picked her up from school,we went to get ice cream...She pulled out the essay and said here it is Daddy we did this together remember..i reread it and said yes i do remember now..its so good to have something great to come out of this....my youngest said keep it and i can rewrite it and use it when i get to 7th grade...i said ooo nnoooo you are going to do it on your own and i will help you...she then told me daddy you remember the report we did together on a certain person,well i only missed 1.....great.....i talked to the teacher of my youngest today about her grade that was down and after she made 100% on the last test it did britold ng up the grade and the teacher told me that her Mom called the next morning after the test and wanted to know what she made and the teacher told her to let your daughter tell you because i dont want to rain on her parade..i told the teacher great because she was so excited and told the teacher a little about what happened the day befiore when i had to go get her from the incident at their moms friends house and my daughter wanted me to study with her.....
one thing i dont understand is my oldest asked me why i and pawpaw(my dad) went to the award ceremony because she didnt want me there.i said because we support you and your grandmother(exwifes mom) was there also....my daughter said I dont want her there either just Mom....what the heck but i didnt say anything..dont know what to think....any input birdy?