not exactly sure where to post this

[there]

I'm sure there are some others, STA.
When someone has worked hard at healing, it's a real accomplishment.
Gains like insight, wisdom, and understanding are intangibles. Good thing you know that you have them.

[SpiritTornApart]

Sadly though enlightened wisdom and better vision can be a double-edged sword. for now I can see the true depth of pain and suffering that a lot of those around me or suffering from. Not just the pain that my victim's family is going through, a lot of it due to other reasons not related to me, but also the pain and suffering that my own family members have been through from past trauma they've endured.

For somebody as empathetic as me it is very difficult, because I want to help them game clear vision like I have so they can free themselves and find happier lives, but I stay have chosen to cast me out because of my mistake they're not even open to listening or trying to understand what I want to tell them to help them.

Not having any real information or status as to how my actual victim is doing, it does feel me with the little concern, okay great concern. One of the few comforts I do get nowadays, it's the fact that her brother is open to talk with me and through me he's starting to learn about his own pain from his past and he's starting to recover and make better decisions in his life.

I know because of who I am, that I don't think I'll ever be able to do enough to be fully satisfied. I just wish that I could reach more people who are really in need of the learning that my experience could give them, so that I can help them to start healing and moving forward in their lives also. I'm just currently too heavily burdened with remorse, grief, and even still today great shame over what I have done. I'm still not strong enough yet to take on many more burdens that I need to take on to help others.

one of the biggest messages I have for people out there. Really learn to understand yourselves, figure out how everything you've been through in life has learned to affect your decisions and actions. If there are periods in your life you just can't remember, do whatever you can to learn about them and learn what happened during them. Because I don't want anyone to have to end up one day and see someone they were close to in great pain because of something they did, and then come to learn as they started understanding themselves better, got the person they hurt what's the person they love more than anything on this Earth, and only learned that too late to never have the chance to make up for what they've done. That's a pain I don't wish on anyone but a pain that I carry everyday in my heart.

[there]

STA,
Just want to say I’m reading your words, and that I care.