Re: Animal torture?
Posted: Fri Nov 22, 2013 7:56 pm
SL - thank you so, so, so much for sharing. i know the intense shame that comes from this. so i know it wasnt easy to share that with me. but to know im not alone...thank you. i think we need to remember that we were severely traumatized at developing ages. we had anger, but no coping mechanisms. i too feel the shame but i think i need to work through that, i cant change the past only the present.
i have not hit or abused my cat for probably 3 months now. i am learning to be patient with him, respect his boundaries as a sentient being...it has been hard not being able to talk to anyone about it. definitely not H, though i know he wouldnt be mad at me, it would be too shameful. i am working on getting a T so i hope to tell them.
right now my anger is building up again. i am trying very very hard to direct it appropriately. when i feel like doing SH, i tell myself that NO, that is letting him hurt me, why let him do that? he cant hurt me anymore. so i write vicious, bitter, rage-filled letters. i scream into pillows. it has helped me calm down a lot. i just keep trying to remind myself...i do not need to feel anger at myself. its not my fault. i can have righteous anger towards my abusers.
i know it will take time though.
i have not hit or abused my cat for probably 3 months now. i am learning to be patient with him, respect his boundaries as a sentient being...it has been hard not being able to talk to anyone about it. definitely not H, though i know he wouldnt be mad at me, it would be too shameful. i am working on getting a T so i hope to tell them.
right now my anger is building up again. i am trying very very hard to direct it appropriately. when i feel like doing SH, i tell myself that NO, that is letting him hurt me, why let him do that? he cant hurt me anymore. so i write vicious, bitter, rage-filled letters. i scream into pillows. it has helped me calm down a lot. i just keep trying to remind myself...i do not need to feel anger at myself. its not my fault. i can have righteous anger towards my abusers.
i know it will take time though.