Apparently a lot happened at school

[Mick]

I saw a slide show from my classes 40 year reunion. Apparently there was a lot going on at my school. Sport, social, activities, drama, debating, productions. It was happening while I was there but somehow I went there for six years and basically ignored everything but the most basic day to day class stuff.

I had been okay at school, did very well at first and then slipped back due to poor attendance. Mother was MBP and every winter poisoned me so I missed large chunks of school. Between ages 10-12 between 80-100 days each year. There was only around 209 so quite a lot. So despite studying myself as much as I could I slipped back. Was still in top 30% of kids going into my high school, but 4 days before I started, my mother went after my brother with a carving knife and they both wound up in hospital. (nothing fatal unfortunately - quite funny to watch).

She was in a "sanitarium" for three months and I spent most of that first term shopping, cleaning, meals maintaining the house. We were conditioned to have a spotless immaculate house - which I did most of the work on, funny how I did not just let it go as it did not matter, but the conditioning was so strong. We also "had to visit her" although I can only remember once, and make weekly trips to amuse our grandmother, so we could get next weeks housekeeping. No car to get around (father was long gone) all this stuff took time.

Funny how school work did not make it into my top priorities. I actually thought I was doing okay at school, but came 192 out of 196. Bottomed the entire year in science and wood work. Somehow the fact that I did not actually care about things that were very important to my education. P#$%ed off a few teachers. The no care thing - sorry guys but I had bigger issues in my life. No one asked about so many red flags. Just thrown under the bus.


Yeah somehow the debating team and musicals did not really rate. Funny thing is I was totally unaware of this stuff happening. It is like my mind heard it, saw it, going on around me and filtered it out as unnecessary noise so I could just continue on trying to survive. I have an invite to the next one. I was never a popular child.

Always weird. May just go to see how the lucky ones have gotten on in life.

It is not just the abuse, but how society reacts around you that helps form you.

[coconuts]

I often feel like society chooses to close it's eyes and plug it's ears to the mistreatment of others. Too afraid to step in. To risk. To understand.
Other times I see how helpless some are to actually offer help. I am a teacher now and see students I know are being abused. Have called child services a number of times. They come out chat with the kid and then say everything is fine and leave. Hmmm.. one sibling group we called almost weekly on for two years. Until oldest sister ends up in ER. Finally, they took action. So frustrating to want to help and having no recourse.
I also never participated in those things. There was never any way for me to find time to do that and take care of my home. I was in charge of the general upkeep of my house and cooking meals all thru high school. Funny how we just do it because it was expected of us. I didn't ever question. It's just what I was supposed to do.

[there]

Mick,
Recently attended my first HS reunion. 45th.
Have to say, it was better than I expected. My HS years were rocky, with an abusive boyfriend, my brother killed by a drunk driver, and more.

At the reunion, I really liked talking with lots of people, many of whom I hadn't known in HS. One person has stayed in touch with me, and we have done a couple things together. I never really knew her in HS.
Like you say about yourself, very few ppl knew what was happening in my life during my HS years. I never went to reunions out of shame about how my life 'turned out'. Of course, I was shamed a lot about my life by a friend , also by a mental health professional.
Today, I am fighting still for a better life for myself. With some success. My mental health, through suffering, patience, and continuing hard work, is better than ever.
You're not alone, Mick. And please don't count yourself out as not one of 'the lucky ones'. I am feeling that in a way, too. Sometimes we limit ourselves by our own beliefs. You have gifts and a lot of good in you, and good things can happen for you.
Cheering you on!

edited 2x by there for grammar.

[Mick]

I often feel like society chooses to close it's eyes and plug it's ears to the mistreatment of others.

Funny how we just do it because it was expected of us. I didn't ever question. It's just what I was supposed to do.

Like living in a parallel universe from Star Trek. Different rules from which to judge happiness by. You don't realise it you just "get on", try not to seem like a nut case, keep mouth closed, watch other normal people for social cues, then one day when you child does something really stupid and you smack him once, and he turns with tears in his eyes and looks at you, ... you realise that what you accepted as normal was wrong .. that was the first domino..
and last time I ever smacked one of my children.

thanks for the reply, .. and yeah normal people don't get it.

[Mick]

You're not alone, Mick. And please don't count yourself out as not one of 'the lucky ones'. I am feeling that in a way, too.

Sometimes we limit ourselves by our own beliefs. You have gifts and a lot of good in you, and good things can happen for you.
Cheering you on!

Yeah thank you. My whole life turns on a couple of moments, but one is pivotal. At 16 I was walking out a friends backyard after trying to lift some of his dads old weights, when his dad walked in. He turned me around and gave me my first of many lifting lessons, drove me home and met my mother. My life changed.

A stranger stopped and saw something very wrong and did not ignore it. Great man changed my life. So not lucky to 16 but then was given something very special to start leveling the playing field, and I have done .. more than okay.

I was lucky. If I had left two minutes earlier my whole life, my health, marriage, career, retirement .. everything would be different. I really doubt I could have gotten through it without being institutionalized. Was very angry underneath, never showed it, but great rage and no empathy is a real accident waiting to happen.

I have always lived my life, even as a very small child, that tomorrow must be better than today .. keep looking after yourself and I hope good things will fall into place