Just trying to process events with students of mine

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coconuts
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Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by coconuts » Sun Jul 14, 2019 7:38 am

So I work in a small school. One class per grade level. And we switch and work with kids through our whole hall. So we know all the kids in our three grades kindergarten thru second. I do math groups and other activities with all the kids. And we all know where there is a concern.
So we've had these two little kiddos we've been trying to help for two years. The boy is intellectually disabled. And the little girl is his younger sister. But they were in the same class. In kinder we started trying to deal with problems. Kids were sick alot. Filthy ( like covered in animal feces ). Smelled to high heavens. Rotted teeth. I mean just extreme neglect. And we called a d we documented and we called DCFS ( child and family services, other places it's CPS). . And over and over they said it was fine. We told them there was a problem when the little boy couldn't go pee cause he said he was hurt down there. We told them over and over there were problems. The kids talked about being locked in the dark. And DCFS just said it wasn't that bad.
So last week my co worker goes to the hospital to pick up her sister. She walks in and DCFS is there talking to grandma and grandma is yelling about not spreading her kids all over the state. And they tell Grandma they will do their best to put the girl who was there with the younger two. Turns out older 13 year old sister reveals dad's molesting her. I don't know what all went down. All I know is the hospital was involved. And the kids are now in foster care and dad got arrested for " lewdness with a child under 14, child abuse, and domestic violence".
And I am angry. Angry that those kids have gone thru way more hurt than they needed to because we were trying. Angry that we saw all the signs and DCFS did nothing. They do nothing until a hospital gets involved. I kept telling my coworkers nothing would happen until one of the kids ended up in the hospital or dead. Why did I have to be right
My only solace is for know I know where the kids are. The Foster family they are with is thr most wonderful people I know. They are kind and gentle and loving and that is what those kids need. I texted the foster mom. And she said they would be placed somewhere semi-permanent but August 19th which could be with extended family or staying with this foster family. She didn't know. But in the meantime they were playing dress up and having fun. She did say they will not end up back with step mom who was the one torturing and neglecting them too. She was responsible for licking them up and lots of other punishments. But she wasn't arrested. Just dad. So the kids have only grandma and grandma isn't the best option. She took them at the end of the school year and they were doing better and she swore they wouldn't go back to step mom and dad but obviously she lied. Those poor babies. And now their future is just hanging in the balance. They could end up staying with this wonderful family. Or they could end up back with grandma. Or of the family isn't adopting they could be released for adoption. Which I would consider but I don't know if my husband would. It would be a big thing to consider since the little boy is intellectually disabled that would be a huge commitment and I already have 8 kids. It's such a mess. But those kids own a piece of my heart.
At any rate so much of their story reminds me of my own. The neglect. Being locked in dark rooms. Dad turning a blind eye to step Mom's mistreatment of them. It hurt my heart for them. And for me a bit. And co-workers keep saying they can't imagine what they've been thru and me, I can. And it sucks. And I want to punch that DCFS guy in the face and roll him in feces and lock him in a dark room for allowing it to keep happening for over 2 years.

Jitterbug
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Re: Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by Jitterbug » Sun Jul 14, 2019 9:36 am

Hello coconuts,

I can so relate to your frustration and anger. I am actively supporting a friend who is doing everything in her power to protect her children from their abusive father, but the services are failing her catastrophically. It is triggering for me too and makes it almost impossible for me to step back even when it's imperative for my mental health that I do.

I have seen how supportive you are of everyone here and that carries over in RL too, I am guessing? Your actions in relation to these 2 children suggest so. It is heart breaking and appalling that they are not getting the help that they so desperately need..

I guess, I just want to reach out to you with compassion and support and applaud you for noticing the internal responses you are having. That hurting self needs your care and attention too...I am sitting here with you holding that, if that's ok?

Jitterbug

EasyStreet
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Re: Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by EasyStreet » Sun Jul 14, 2019 12:50 pm

G*d bless you Coconuts. I was talking about the lack of real leaders. You're putting your money where your mouth is. This has to weigh on you, so you need uber self-care. You inspire me. If I became less self centered I could do some good too. Thanks for being an amazing example.
EasyStreet
Thanks for being.

reisha
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Re: Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by reisha » Sun Jul 14, 2019 8:12 pm

{{{Coconuts!!!}}}

Dont know what to say;
What^they^ said!
Wow, just ... wow.
Horrible sitch, glad its ... gettin 'resolved'
What would ya need to do, to either foster, or adopt? Seems alotta challenges - YER wellbein, 8 kids already, the boys development issues, their traumas, finacially, medically, etc, etc....
I get how connected ya feel to them,& wonder that a bit. Could it lead to .. 'boundary issues' ( wrong words, rite idea) - could ya ... be saving them, in order to save yerself? Otoh, that mite not be such a bad thing.

Sendin tons of support & care
Oh! & ty for ~finally bein brave enuff~ to visit me!!!😃😃😃
Last edited by Serenity on Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT as no triggering detail included

coconuts
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Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by coconuts » Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:21 pm

Thanks everyone. My t and I talked a bunch about this all today. About my anger and it all folding in on itself. Meshing these kids with my own story. And the people who let me down. But also how much work I've done to help them and it was never good enough. It makes me feel just as helpless now to help them as I was to help myself. As if I shouda done something different or better. But realizing I did all I could. All that was in my power. At church we were talking about not being the first to throw the stone but all I could think was give me a stone I got a couple people I'd like to go after. I won't hold back either. They deserve it. Vile scum of the earth.

I'm not doing anything with the situation for now. Just waiting and seeing. Right now, they are safe. Right now they are being taken care of and loved. Right now I was to tell and scream and throw rocks at the people who continue to hurt and let down children.

there
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Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by there » Tue Jul 16, 2019 1:05 am

coconuts,
That's a lot to handle and feel.
Totally get the range of feelings, the urge to scourge.
Reach for the stars. ---Christa McAuliffe

EasyStreet
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Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2019 7:36 pm

Re: Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by EasyStreet » Mon Jul 29, 2019 10:53 pm

Wow. Your feelings and emotions must be disrupted. disregulated. that's a word I'm starting to use more. Out of whack. I'm sorry if that is true. But I respect it.

Please take care of yourself, and remember how much I hold you in high regard, regardless of anything.
EasyStreet
Thanks for being.

coconuts
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Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by coconuts » Tue Jul 30, 2019 1:29 am

I'm still not sure what might happen with these kiddos. Right now they are safe. But they are just in a temporary placement. This week I am teaching a class at children's art festival and the little girl is in my class. She was so happy. And the little boy walked right up to me and said hi. He was so happy and outgoing. He is intellectually disabled. He usually is stimming and flapping and stay s to him self or walks around calling us all " bad boys" and "bad girls". Today he walked right up to me and said " hi Mrs. ___, what's your name Mrs. ______". Haha while he was saying my name. Then he gave me a big hug. I wonder who will get those cute kids. They just need so much love. I hope someone can take them. If they can't be kept together or if no one will adopt them. I would consider it

As of now their bio mom who dropped them off severely neglected and malnourished at dads house three years ago still has rights to them. :cry: dad can't get them ( he is in jail) grandma knew what happened and was trying to " handle it within the family" and says it wasn't all that bad " he just dry humped her not actually rape" I just wanted to say " what the hell happened in your life that makes you think that's okay?!" Another story of children failed again and again. Those kids asked for help again and again. The school asked for help. The hospital asked for help. DCFS failed them. And I'm so close to wanting to sue DCFS for their failure. DCFS at one time told us to stop calling or we would be charged with harassment. Um we are mandatory reporters, it's the fucking law genius. Do your fucking job and we will stop calling. Grrrr.

Right now the kids are safe. Right now. I don't know for how long or what the next steps are.
Last edited by Harmony on Thu Aug 01, 2019 10:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited trigger indicator from ST to MT as some graphic triggering detail is included

there
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Re: Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by there » Tue Jul 30, 2019 6:06 pm

coconuts,
The kids sound so sweet.
DCFS threatening to charge you with harassment!? That's rich.
you have a huge heart.
Reach for the stars. ---Christa McAuliffe

coconuts
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Posts: 2025
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Just trying to process events with students of mine

Post by coconuts » Tue Jul 30, 2019 8:06 pm

Yes the threatened the school district to stop calling about these kids. Cause but every day we had evidence. We were calling. The district nurse was calling. The principal was calling. The parapro aide for the one boy was calling. The police were watching. Everyone saw what was going on DCFS just brushed us all off and said it was fine. They didn't care until there were so many witnesses to the girl saying her dad sexually attacked her. Hospital, counselors, school. Public everyone. I don't know why they refused to help these kids

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