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How to NOT internalize words

Posted: Fri Mar 08, 2019 3:37 am
by Goldeneagle
I have a bad habit of internalizing the bad things people say about me. This has been going on since my childhood where my parents would constantly criticize and verbally assault me. Does anyone have any advice on how to either stop doing this or how to make the words that keep repeating in my head stop? Thank you in advance!

Re: How to NOT internalize words

Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2019 6:36 pm
by there
Hi, Goldeneagle,
You've made a positive step in recognizing that you internalize the bad things people say. I truly know this one! I tried to live according to the criticisms of others. I wrapped myself up into a pretzel trying please them, to avoid their criticism, to earn their approval.

The internalized bad things are sometimes called 'the inner critic', which you may already know. I can't control what other people say or do. I CAN choose my response to what they say.

I deal with it almost every day. I can tell myself they're wrong, tthat I'm good enough. I can imagine the mean words floating away in a bubble. I might be able to tell the person what they're saying isn't true.

Most often, it bugs me for a while and I repeated in my mind. Then, in some way,I start to release the bad things they said. Sometimes I use the above, or make my mind a blank.

I think the most important thing to know is that what other people say is about them. Their opinions in their actions come from them.
I didn't make them say those things. They chose to say them. So other peoples' words and actions are their responsibility not mine.

At this moment, I'm still clearing stuff from my mind that two people said or did yesterday. As I loosen its grip, my whole being feels better, relieved. I don't have to feed the inner critic.

The stuff used to stay in me for a week. People are not going to stopping being mean or rude. I can get better at how much I allow it to bother me,though.

I believe that A Survivor of abuse may have a lot of difficulty with this. The good news is, I can choose to respond to it, and not just react.

Thanks for bringing this up, Golden Eagle.

Re: How to NOT internalize words

Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2019 2:29 am
by Goldeneagle
(Removed post quoted in entirety)

Thank you. This was incredibly helpful and supportive. It means a lot.

Re: How to NOT internalize words

Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2019 4:38 pm
by there
I'm glad :)

Re: How to NOT internalize words

Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2019 5:51 pm
by FrumSurvivor
Hi, Goldeneagle!
This is something so many of us struggle with.
There had some great ideas.
I would like to add one.
Sometimes I can't not take it in. It hurts no matter if I tell myself they don't know what they're talking about, or whatever.
So I let myself feel the pain, feel the shame, breathe while I feel it. I tell myself it's okay to feel this way and it's going to get less intense each minute. I keep feeling it, keep breathing through it, and then it dissipates or decreases in intensity by itself after a few minutes.
Hope this helps.

Re: How to NOT internalize words

Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 2:19 am
by there
FrumSurvivor has a great method for handling criticism from people. I do this one, too. Thanks, FS, for reminding me to let it go through me.