I think this is me

[sarahoknow]

My past experiences are something I've never really discussed with anyone. Never had therapy or counselling of any kind. I never thought I needed it. But I think my own current anxiety and fragile emotions must come from my past experiences. I guess that's why I'm here. Not sure if I belong here or where exactly. Still looking for the right place.
I'm just starting to face up to to the fact that what I experienced was abuse. I don't even know what to call it or what 'type it was. There was a lot of things which were centred around the church and a very strict religious upbringing that has caused so many different emotions in me. There were things that happened that I am still trying to make sense of. What was it all about?
Hopefully I'll be able to get myself together enough to be able to discuss things here and somehow make sense of what happened and maybe move on from there.

[earthhorse]

Hi Sarahoknow,

It is very common to be injured by abuse in our childhoods. The link you are making makes sense and you can trust yourself.

it can be a incredible source of relief to connect, understand and feel with old childhood perspectives as adults ... trauma often travels
with us untouched until we are safe enough to process. That you feel ready now to face this is a reflection of your strength and personal growth.

Please feel free to share whatever you need. And trust yourself, share whatever comes up that feels like what you need to talk about. it's not the
content but the feeling that is key.

It can be that terrible things happened 'big' things, but what really upsets is~ we have dismissed as being too small or insignificant to be upset
about. Trauma hides in plain sight.

I think one thing that really makes sense to me, is all abuse is emotional abuse. And it is in my mind the worst kind and the center of the pain - the betrayal and gaslighting, the messages that teach us we are worthless or inherently bad... it underlies all other forms of child abuse.

You are very brave.

Take loving care,
EH

[sarahoknow]

Thanks for those kind words EH. It's so hard to think about what happened because of the emotions it brings with it. It's easier not to. But then it's there inside, swirling around, playing havoc with everyday life.
I think it's important to remember that people here all have their own experiences, all have their own secrets so nobody is going to judge you on what you say.
I guess it gets easier with time or I'm hoping it will.
Seeing how brave everyone else is in dealing with their own experiences and talking about things at least gives me hope that I can too.