There: 2019

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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dancingfish
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Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: There: 2019

Post by dancingfish » Sun Dec 29, 2019 2:08 pm

Sometimes we don't know what we want in advance - perhaps hang out with this guy one time (or not!), and see how you feel. Might think that catching up with him again for some reason is a good idea, or you may not. :) I don't think that anyone has to decide how they feel about something until they've experienced/tried it, nor that anyone expects this of you either.

Good job on letting go, resisting the critical voice (I assume) when there are jerk-like people around you. You are okay! Surrounded by goodness! :)

Pocket riding if you like, dearest there! :)

coconuts
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Re: There: 2019

Post by coconuts » Sun Dec 29, 2019 3:31 pm

Glad you've been good. Strong. Glad you are letting others volatile jerkiness go. I think sometimes I am good at building those sheilds against their negativity other times Im not as good. Sounds like you have sheild's up.

The guy could just be a friendly connection. It's nice to have options of friends to hang out with and in your different areas of interest.

there
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Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There: 2019

Post by there » Sun Dec 29, 2019 8:12 pm

Thanks so much, dancingfish and coconuts,

You’re tucked safely in my pocket, df!

Seeing him soon-ish. Tula is coming, though in March I conceded and didn’t bring her.

Had texted with him months ago, saying I didn’t want to see him.
So he texted ‘Happy New Year’s’.
On the one hand, nice that he likes me. On the other, he didn’t take no for an answer.

Definitely telling him I don’t want anything sexual.

I hate this.
All women are beautiful. Period.

coconuts
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Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: There: 2019

Post by coconuts » Sun Dec 29, 2019 10:33 pm

I think being upfront with you not wanting a relationship beyond friendly right now is good. Just put it all out there and hopefully he will be respectful of that.

there
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Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There: 2019

Post by there » Mon Dec 30, 2019 2:06 am

Thank you, coconuts.
It went ok. We can talk about a lot of intellectual stuff and a little about art.
He asked a question about the pattern on my pants, if it was actually dog hair. Then he touched my leg and I said , “Don’t touch me!” Otherwise, I didn’t bring up sexuality. He did back off.

Need to take more echinacea. Cold is in retreat.

Scheduled a physical exam for tomorrow. Dr. M usually has a lot of openings. He’s pretty nice. One time he told me, “I love my patients.” You don’t hear that too often.

Thank you so much, dear friends, for being here for me. I’m so lucky.



Edit 1x because pressed ‘submit’ too soon by there.
All women are beautiful. Period.

coconuts
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Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: There: 2019

Post by coconuts » Mon Dec 30, 2019 4:17 am

Oh glad it went okay and that you told him to not touch you. Probably got the hint.

Glad you have a Dr that is kind. I need to make an appointment for a physical too but I just don't want to lol. And it's expensive and I don't know who to go to because the Dr I used to see retired. So yeah.

Noname
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Re: There: 2019

Post by Noname » Mon Dec 30, 2019 1:23 pm

Hi there,

Good on you for setting a boundary, and I'm glad that he respected it. Hope your physical goes/went well.

there
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Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: There: 2019

Post by there » Tue Dec 31, 2019 12:31 am

Thanks so much, coconuts and Noname :)

Noname,
Ha! Saw doctor, actually not quite time for physical yet, as I found out when I got there. I had enough concerns to instead have a follow-up appt. and we covered a lot.


I’m sure you’ll get around to the health care appt., coconuts.

Walked back to bus from appt., ev4n though weather pretty rain, wet, and windy. Umbrella helped. I needed a 10-minute walk rather than an Uber.lol.

Asked brother for a break in phone contact today. I have been reactive to him about family and holidays. He assumed I meant for him to do something I didn’t expect of him...taking sides. I didn’t expect anything of him. I just couldn’t go on Christmas Day. Christmas Eve was more than enough exposure. Now that my Dad is gone, nobody really takes my part or tries to see my viewpoint.

Don’t want to be triggered then angrily argue with brother on phone. Nothing will change. Hmm, radical acceptance? ;)

I’m also reactive about the family scapegoat role. And to get no thank you from niece 2 years in a row for amazing unique designs of ornaments for her children.


Family doesn’t want their homeostasis rocked. That was my job, lol.!

My friend, J, from college, told me I’m so incredibly evolved compared to them. And to envision them in their wheelchairs. Lol.
Thank goodness for humor and laughter.

radical acceptance of the great possibilities for me... :)
All women are beautiful. Period.

dancingfish
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Posts: 714
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: There: 2019

Post by dancingfish » Tue Dec 31, 2019 12:45 pm

Aw there, so lovely to see you setting boundaries, taking care of your precious self, and managing healthcare appointment! Well done you! :D And yes, I think we can protect ourselves from situations where others are unfortunately triggering, or non-appreciative, as you'd kind of expect any normal polite person to at least be. Laughing a bit at you being more evolved, so true!

Thanks for the pocket riding for me, riding around with you too if you'd like some more company. :)

coconuts
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Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: There: 2019

Post by coconuts » Wed Jan 01, 2020 12:44 am

So glad you took self care and realized their un-evolved ways. Many people hate changing things or thought patterns. Even if it's good for them. I think we all fight it a bit. Survival at a primal level means keeping things the way they are. Since that's what we know how to survive.

I fought change within myself for so long. Even if it is for the better. I'm getting better at allowing better things in but it's old patterns and old habits.

Some people are comfortable just where they are. They figure in their mind it isn't broken at least not for them, so why fix it.

So glad you took steps to take care of yourself and hey that radical acceptance stuff. That's hard stuff there.

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