Feels Unreal

[burnwithin]

No place else where I am accepted like this at face value...i am in constant disapproval of my words, my face, my body... I am not dazed as I was the other day...by seeing your replies, I know that I have to be strong, strong enough to to comfort others in distress...No matter how worthless i feel...my comforting words will not be worthless....For a moment I find it hillarious that for scoring 70% marks or leaving slippers at neighbour's place etcetera..., a government officer would beat and roll the day lights of his 7yo under the yellow bulb, drag him to the mirror and force him to look at his crying face and stripped forcefully to give a cold bucket water spill, and shove me out of the house for ALL the people to see...those to whom I was speaking confidently earlier...but my weak heart, fearful shivering to screaming people, forgetfulness of activities done moments ago, utter disregard for my appearance and needs, over shadows my Intelligence which my father tried to subdue....Guess he won some twisted way...cause I know of it but am helpless....now I live alone at a rented place(im just 25)...at wits end on so many issues like savings,love,lifespan, smoke, workplace, father's scheming mind and powerful friends...But will wake up tomorrow knowing that I have my people here at isurvive who say i deserve better...

[coconuts]

You do deserve better. You were hurt but not because of your own doing. Nothing you did would ever be good enough. He would always find a reason to hurt you to exact control over you. You deserve love and kindness.
We all like to put worttheless on ourselves. Unlovable. Messed up. But in reality we aren't. We would never look at another child and say they deserved that sort of torture. But we take that blame on ourselves. We continue to repeat our abusers words to ourselves but they aren't true. We are worth more than that. We deserve better.

[there]

burnwithin,
Coconuts said it: we deserve better. None of what your father did to you was deserved or okay.
I understand the helpless feeling, too. I believe it's.
carried over from the times of abuse.
We do help ourselves and each other by sharing here. Like you, I sometimes lol at the abuse, even general people being everyday jerks.
Glad you share how you're doing here, burnwithin.
And I really like your name