reishas 2019 thread

[EasyStreet]

P.S.
Picked my buddy up at hospital today, he has a room at a motel provided by local interfaith partnership for a week to recover from surgery. He is in great shape! Amazing. Clogged arteries in legs due to drinking. Vascular Roto Rooter and stents from a 5' 1" (at most!) lady doctor with heavy accent and wonderful energy. He's gonna make it. I'm over the moon.

Lots of angst and stress around meeting your brother, I'm sure. Breathe, and be goddess-like. When you breathe intentionally you connect with your higher, better, total, complete, possible-in-some-universe self, and so be goddess-like, or maybe be your wonderful self!

[Couragetoday]

Hi reisha.

Leaving hugs and good wishes also.

Ct

[reisha]

Ty, courage, easy

So.
Lotsa reallyy old 'home movies' playin - things i havna thota in decades.
How much do i share?
I have letters from gfolx & biomom, durin wunna her breakdowns, hosp. Bro wants em, in exchange for a diary. & all to then be passed on to our (lil) sis, if she wants em.
Parta me wants to .... defend gfolx, mitagate the bad stuff bout biomom. Recognize my biases.<heavy sighs>

Gonna try speech rec here, be warned!

Years ago my sister said got her dad and had

Try again years ago my sister had told me that her dad not only molested her and her brother but basically had them in a child sex ring her dad was a child placement officer for the county based on my experience with him I have no doubt no reason to doubt her story My Brother denies that any of it ever happened

They were so young when bio mom died just two and three. Their dad quickly remarried and send my sister was sent to live with family friends and my brother was sent to a Christian boarding school their dad used the family home as a storage unit he would go to construction sites or old places and dig around for Stuff old bottles or whatever and then we sell them when we took possession of our mother's home in the backyard was a 55 gallon drum from DuPont rusted leaking who knows what. in the front yard was a gravestone from the late 1800s this is the kind of s*** person their dad is

Her dad kind of as with her as coping strategies sadly

Trying again

My sister what is born with mild fetal alcohol syndrome her dad quote on quote dumb blonde did her ho you just a girl you don't need me though to boil water

Argh! Voice rec no good. Sorry for that mess ^up there^, hope the gist came thru.

Bro & i marvel at .... w g'da bein an ob/gyn, &g'ma his nurse, kinda ....'interesting', how many adopted kids ended up in our (larger) foo. Perfect lil white males, white males w multiple, but 'minor' physical probs (my brro), mixed race boy, vietamise twin girls.... considerin the cultural time-space, not only very progressive, but most likely kinda 'hinky' too.

So many ..... conflicting(?) emotions. Its not my job to convince bro his dad is evil. IS it my job to... present 'my side' of 'fam' to him, his kids? - a sr high school girl & a ... still in mid school boy who is 'a lil asp-by'. For all intense purposes, its our 1st meet.
Of course i wanna be 'cool aunt'; seems a ... late in the game, yano?
Bro sez hes closer to me than his sis - just noticed, i thinka them .... hes my bro, but she is more HIS sis than mine. Cuz they were(nt) raised together(?).

Who needs soap operas, w foos like ours?!?!!
It gets complicated.....
& now, at 50, his wifes divorcin him. Makes sence hed ... come to me.
Ive always thota myself as a mom to him ... tearin up sum here.
Dont understand ........ love, or relationships; think ive done both rather poorly, based on results.....
Sis is 2x divorced, 2 kids now in .... late 20's (?). Was semi friendly w her durin 1st marraige (dinna like her h), the kids were babes. Couldna deal w her diztiness & stupidity. What was act, what was real. Nor her anxiety/ocd - she'd offer a drink or food, then STAND there, eagle eyed, watching, peerin closer, to see if done. & often whisked away, washed, dried & put away b4 ya WERE finished w it. Dinna even know bout 2nd marraige, divorce.
& now find myself debatin - should i 'friend' her on fakebook? (Slow down, mauki <-- a childhood nic) deal w bro 1st, THEN decide. Use him as bridge to sis.
He sez hes pretty much done w her, has been for many yrs ......
Which is <heavy sigh> .... not just so f'n TYPICAL, also so f'n SAD of our foo.
& if what she told me, so many decades ago is truth, makes sense shed be as messed up as she is, ESP if ..... 'too stupid' to seek help. (Bros words, in slighost tly diff context)
<heavy sighs....>
Does ^that^ count as deep & mindful breathwork?!?!
Go, me. :~(

I REALLY need to Get My Butt In Gear - things to tidy, do; places to go; & ....<gasp!> PEOPLE to see.
Yikes!

{{{{ALA US, EVERYWHERE!!!}}}

[EasyStreet]

Wow, reisha.

You make me realize how much of the coward's way I took, staying in my shell till everyone was dead. You are facing a lot of issues that I just turned my back on by staying submerged.

My cheap advice: pros and cons. Each of these questions you ask or decisions you consider have pros and cons. For you and others. Try using them to evaluate. I think Ben Franklin (old lecher that he was) said just to make two columns and add each of them up. Highest number means which wins, pros or cons. Then there's the gut check. That's harder for me to activate, and I'm used to denying it. I hope you are better than that. If not we're in the same boat.

You care. That's so wonderful! It means you are really alive!

So in the midst of flying dust and whatever else commotion you are causing out there in 3D world, remember that this hologram is pulling for you!

[reisha]

Aw, {easy!}
That made me smile.
Ty for that.

Im just gonna.... be my 'best' me. Since we're goin to hippietown tmarra, will dress in 'moderate regalia' (as if there were such a thing, esp w me, hahahaha!), look forawd to spendin $ on lil trinkets, eatin real, good food, show niece the better shops, get to know the kids, take bros lead on convo-topics.
Fri is basass ('hiking') boots - custom made knee hi 'RennFaire' boots, goin on 35y/o, for marin - playground 'hikes' & swings. ( i LOVE swings! - wunna the few 'exercise routines' i can still do. Im a madwoman on em, can still do a coupla-a trix. - watch out!!!)

Just got back from pharm, where - miracles of miracles, i hadda decent exp. New scripts, & refills that i did hafta wait for, but NO line, or snarky clerks! Yae! Ill Take It, i usualy have *sum* sorta bs w that place. Felt good to get out, lil walk. Not too hot, but REALLY bright. Back home, cats BOTHclamorin & ye-owlin! For outside < mini sigh> allrite already, canya lemme get my hat & shoes off 1st?!?!
Met w the mid sized mutt-a-poo again - very hyper lil pup, goo is Less Than Interested (shes been round dogs most her life) & just waddles off. Sproink cant figger this 'big cat' out any beter than muttapoo gets this 'weird dog'. But they are .... cautiously polite, as they learn bout each other.

Finally got around to sum 'real' tidy uppin. Decided to just deal w the most stinky, or unsightly things. Not gonna 'lie', or presnt ... whats not. Bro works as $ guy for senior healthcare in oregon, so is 'warned'.... still, am *hopin* its not too shockin, lol. At least hes alfeady fam w my um .....'decoratin style' - TooMuchOfEverythingIsJustEnuff - elegant hipie shiek, AllOverEverywhere, & layered over THAT, various craft stations, & kinda innermixed w alla THAT, ya can find the remments of daily livin.

Anyway, ned to 'slop & get flat' for a bit here....
Pocket riders welcome for one, or both daze!!!

Love to all!

[reisha]

just took part in a research study outta ucla, askin sum VERY shockin questions about Policy, goin forward. As a res of (removed), do i ever worry about inadvertantly offending Blacks? Do i think Blacks have had the same opportunities? Do i think Blacks are lazy? Get what they deserve? Once a criminal always a criminal? How would i feel livin next to sumone on parole? Should state law officers be able to determine immigration status? On, & on. Very nosy, personal questions about social attitudes surrounding prison & immigration reform, housing & healthcare, oh - & 'sex ID'. Funny, how we've gone from sex ed to sex ID. Given current political climate, more scary than what WAS asked, is what was ignored.

[EasyStreet]

You put a smile on my face, too.

[reisha]

Im really dissapointed in my isurvie 'online support group.

[reisha]

Yeah, provly. Time to really embrace mumabandomtn

Adanbdonment issues


ITmwas afun fantisy while i llasted



Provly wont see me roindmno more

[reisha]

Not a single WUNN Y VICTIMS

Really meams fuck face thing on cultish, VERY IMPORTANT POSER FUCKING BULLSHIT OF AN