reishas 2019 thread

[reisha]

Lol! Thanx 4 the spillage emapthy! Clutzy gals unite!

Courage, yeah, ya read rite. I found myself annoyed w her ...... cluelessness, or ditzyness. Hadda remind myself she claims brain injuries, memory probs. But i suspect its more..... just her. Kinda ... her mode of gettin thru the day. Like, yano how sum gals go for the 'dumb blond' persona, regardless of their hair color? Its more of a .... coping strategy than an actual personality trait. Yeah, its kinda like that. So, im workin on ~acceptance~.

There, yes, my musical standby is .... 'until'. Shes *hoping* to be in private practice by sept, but... who knows. & then theres also the issue of whether sshe'll accept my ins.
So....
It'd ~behoove~ me to ... either go back to the HORRIBLE hosp offered therapy, find a 'refered' t (& then maybe stayin w them, if a good/better fit), or....?
Im inclined to (ignore the whole thing, stay w the covers over ny head) play musical standby. I REALLY wanna continue workin w her. & the idea of switchin t's several times in such a short timeframe kinda strikes me as .... (potentially) more disruptive than just .... waitin it out; otoh, ino i need the support, & in 'the dailies', 5+ months can be a real long time....

Ive been doin aloota dyeing lately. Last nite, i did {{{{Sir Plunkerton Rumpblebutt's!!!}}} Burial shroud. Its a really soft, ratty old holey thin blankie that the humane society wrapped him in. I couldna bear to throw it away, but it was really kinda useless for anything but rags. Now, however..... im gonna use parta it for patchwork on an old hoodie, maybe make a skirt outta the rest. I also successfully tie dyed sum leather (1st time doing leather this way!) That came out stunning - beyond my expectations. I use the 'washout' water/drips while seting to dye paper. I love watchin how dif pprs soak up the dye. Plus, i also use this to figger new fold patterns. Its alot less 'troublesum' to work out design possibilities w sheets of paper ratherthan messsin up costly fabric, esp if it ends up bein a 'fail' design/execution-wise.

Really need to stop avoidin/procrastinatin on several things -(t), cleaning/chores, phone calls (ihss!), etc.....

Think i'll take sproink out for sum more harness trainnin - its a nice sunny aft'noon.

{{{{Love to all!}}}
Thanx 4 readin!

[there]

reisha,
I'm picturing you walking your cat
Just a suggestion here— —have you considered photographing any of your costume/ clothing art to include in the art forum?
Supporting you with tackling the avoided procrastinated.
I, too need to avoid the avoidance to progress.
Baby steps?

[earthhorse]

Oh Reisha,

That's so rough with T. Yeah if you find a good one it makes sense to hold on... maybe give it a use by date though? Strongly relating to needing support to move blocks/ deep paralyzing sadness/ trauma/ pain . My T. has been away for a month, and I was in the swing of things, ya know doing EMDR and processing things.... and then I don't know, after a while of not being able to make an appointment I just seized up. And the depression took hold again.

What helps with procrastination? I just found out there is a link for me with getting angry for myself and others in a connected way and feeling a lot freer to just 'do' stuff. Don't know if that rings a bell?

But just want you to know it's the not okay okay. It's understandable Reisha to be frozen. And with the helper stuff, that's frustrating too. Because you need it but you know not as much as they have offered. And it's hard, well at least I find it hard, to invite strangers into my sanctum when I feel like isolating, buffering myself from the world.

You are such a lovable human being.

Sending you pure luck and joy today,

EH

[Fleur]

Saying hello, best wishes for T and sending pats for cats plus hugs for you


Reisha, if you ever think of something to really address avoidance, procrastination, you'll probably be an overnight success story (knowing your creativity, it will likely be amazing)


Much caring

[reisha]

{{{Fleur!}}}}
How wonderful to see a post from ya!

The procrastion/avoidance continues, sad to say. Llast nite, i got down on myself pretty bad. Ino why i avoid dishes, kitchen chores - alotta bio-moms abuse centered around that, or occured there. At times, ive had huge signs that said 'yer mother dunna live here!' To re-mind me, as a counter (cuz 'affirmations' dont really work for me, i cant beLIEve em). These days, i do nothing but huddle in bed. Ive neded several meds for more'n a wk now. My pain meds, i coulda p/u any time after the 8th. Watched & counted, as the pills were consumed- really gotta get on this. One day too rainy, or too cold. The next, too tired or sore. Ok, gettin critical, go on tues i promise self..... pills down to .... takin 1/2 doses. Wed i tell myself really gotta do by thurs, as dr closed on fris, which means wont be able to fil til mon, cuz damn dr dunna put dx code on script, so pharm hasta call em..... & it was raining & cold, i knew damn well that id be outta meds by last nite, knew id be subjectin myself to 'pain & punishment' over thewkend.... but just couldna seem to get myself outta bed.... wtfs wrong w me!? Its *only* an 8 block walk (r/t)
I can list any # of things that follow the same pattern..... yeah, im livin by the motto 'do nuthin & nuthin remains undone'. Iff ya ignore stuff long enuf, mosta it ceases to matter, altho it may look & smell really gross.....
So, theres that....

Ill think bout (doin) things forever, but thot aint action...

Really upset by ... the world at large, the bs my countrys gointhru - lotsa upset over abortion laws, abortion rights... no woman *should* ever be forced tto either carry or terminate a pregnancy.... & then the 'deeper' issues surrounding that. I dont believe all life is. Sacred, the way conservatives do. How are ya defining life? I draw the line a 'personhood'. The already born have more rite to life than the not yet born. To afford the unborn the same legal staatus as the born seems ... fantasy to me. One is potentail, the other actual. Ino many disagree w me, but ive searched my soul. Im ok w my conclusions.
*if* there was as much concern w the foster care system, childrens rights, HUMAN rights, *if* this truly was a 'pro life' culture, i mite change my beliefs.

Funny, most pro abortionists are anti gun, & visa vversa, & i wonder how that happens, how that works.... the slippery slopes of 'ethics'.

& yes, ive had 2 abortions. Then gave 2 up for adoption. In each case, it the correct choice for me. Not just At The Time (which is all there was/is),, but overall. For whatever MY lessons were, whatever my journey is. I dont regret thechoices, i regret .... that i was damaged to not realize the sacredness, the power of my sexuality sooner.

Ok, i feel a lil better for havin written this out. .... perhaps a shower is in order? ( more likely a nap...)

Thanx 4 readin!

[there]

reisha,
That’s a keen observation about a pro abortion stance going with anti-gun belief and The reverse being true also.
I think abortion should be a safe, legal option. I just think it’s ridiculous to try to make it illegal. Neither the procedure Nor of the demand for it are going away.
And that’s absolutely right about what truly ‘pro-life’ culture would value.
I wonder if your pharmacy would ‘Front you quotation mark Pills for the weekend. Mine will do that in a pinch if they have them.
Hope you’re feeling more upbeat soon.

[reisha]

Thank ya, There.
Dunno if pharm would 'front'.. (opiates). A few of the clerks seem to view all pain patients as 'dumb junkies', treating us rudely & more ...'aggressively pleased' to inform of delays etc w these meds. I admit to bein petty enuff to wish them harm.

I am so grateful to have ... ~been born~ durin a time whenabortion was legal, when i neded it. & i give thanks for all the drs (my gda was one - an ob/gyn who was trulypro life, & also very proabortion. Whenthey were illegal, they were called 'd&c's)), midwives, healers, witches, wise women, doulas & others whove fromthe Beginning beenthere, for women, wombs & What Ails Them.
It REALY bugs me that miscarraige is considered a (concious) choice. The AI ( in MY whirld, thats arrogance & ignorance, not artifical intellegence, altho id take that over whats currently being offered.) Astounds me. Makes meglad im as old, & ill as i am.

How do i .... regain engagement, when theres so much i dont like, cant agree w? I spose its (still) fear, but it feels more like just worn out.

Im really strugglin w .... selfhood. How do i be me? What kinda senior do i *wanna* be, (vs) what kinda senior do i have the capacity of bein?

If this is my depression, its morphed inna way i dontv understand. Im not ~particularly~ down, negative. I just ..... dont wanna, cant see the point,cant make myself actually DO any ofthings ithink bout doin....

[there]

OH, reisha,
I didn’t realize that your pills were opiates. D’oh!
Grrr! ar jerk pharm clerks!
And whose damn fault is it That so many Americans are addicted to pain meds? Grrrr at big Pharma and grrrrr at big pharmacies!

I was thinking about witches, midwives, healers, wise women, and Doulas just as you mentioned. Who considers miscarriage a conscious choice?
Wow that’s a whole new low to me.

Totally agree — — arrogance and ignorance are preferable to artificial intelligence. I think A lot of AI is appallingly ridiculous.

Getting older in this society is courageous. Dictation will not spell for me. For me, I’m finding that self-confidence is more necessary than ever. I hope this new awareness is my wisdom kicking in.

I think you’re A brilliant senior and always your unique wonderful self, reisha. Have you ever read ‘The Creative Age ‘ by Dr. Gene Cohen? It’s truly inspiring how so many people have been and are so creative and inventive and accomplish things as they (we) get older!

Don’t want to overload your plate, but , Do you have community acupuncture out there? Just a little brain drizzle about pain management. Please take or leave.

[reisha]

Chiro works better'n acu for me. Lotsa various rx creams, (lidocain & nsaid, since can no longer tolerate oral nsaids) heat, massage (rolin on balls), .....
I spose this is kinda wunna my 'detoxes' - ha! Seems i do this every so often. Im down to 1 ssri, & the creams. Mon, WILL get pain meds, nerve meds, no smoke meds.
Sigh.

Figgered out that ive been triggered by all the abortion law upsets. Duh. Im so smart! Only took me all wk to get it. Now i understand why i was froze in bed all wk.
Way past time for sum self kindness, care, gentleness.

Spose also feelin *abandoned* by t, support. Wonder if i could find self advocate parts? Make calls for helpers, help, t, support....
Ug

[reisha]

Oh also hadna hearda book. Will check.

Talked w a outta state friend. Even tho shes always wrapped in her own sorrows, it helped. Sumtins gotta change. Breakage isna an option. I hope im aware & able enuff to head it off.

Ok, requierin more of myself, holdin myself accountable. This wkend, i intend to :
1) shower
2) get at least 12 'slops' in me
3) make at least 3 ihss helper calls.
Im askin my support here to help hold me to it.
Offer encouragement, check progress.

Thank ya
{{{{{ISURVIVE!}}}}}}