Sadness

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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wolfspirit
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Posts: 1697
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Sadness

Post by wolfspirit » Mon Jul 02, 2018 3:41 am

Hoping that sadness lifts a little. :)
Wounds are where the light enters you.
Rumi

IMA
Member
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 5:17 am

Re: Sadness

Post by IMA » Mon Jul 02, 2018 11:14 pm

Yeah it is :)

IMA
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Posts: 202
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 5:17 am

Re: Sadness

Post by IMA » Thu Jul 12, 2018 2:57 am

I get sad sometimes to the fact that I messed up my life by getting into some decent debt over 6,000, it makes me sad because I really messed up and now I have to fix this head on

wolfspirit
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Posts: 1697
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Sadness

Post by wolfspirit » Thu Jul 12, 2018 4:03 am

IMA,
Debt can bring us all down if we focus on how we accrued it.
I don't know one person in my generation that does not have debt. It's okay. You will pay it off when you can.
:) ws
Wounds are where the light enters you.
Rumi

IMA
Member
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 5:17 am

Re: Sadness

Post by IMA » Thu Jul 12, 2018 7:06 am

It's kind of funny how I won't ever be someone crush in the sense of my innocence is measured, I cry that I can't changed what happened, hate how I never seemed to be the apple of anyone's eye. In regards of normal healthy relationship standards.
Sometimes I wonder why I was always excluded out of things. But then again maybe I deserved some of the treatment I got after I started being cold.
I feel sick to my stomach and really do question my thoughts of making me friends. Just too tired of more criticism and rejection.
I final think my sleepless nights are catching up now.

wolfspirit
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Posts: 1697
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Sadness

Post by wolfspirit » Sat Jul 14, 2018 4:37 am

IMA,
Take a closer look at the sleepless nights, ok?
Sleep is as important to our bodies as air.
Is it something you can change or get support with?

ws
Wounds are where the light enters you.
Rumi

IMA
Member
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 5:17 am

Re: Sadness

Post by IMA » Tue Jul 17, 2018 1:01 pm

There are times in my life where I just wish that people did have to put hate into me. I can't stand it anymore how people have to form groups to have these interventions of how I should be grateful of where I live or my upbringing and how you should act like a human.

Like what does that even mean act like a human. I don't appreciate people from churches tell my this, that I need to be more active with the church. When I do take the time to go I get harrassed by the women, about how I have an attitude problem or I'm just rude, I'm not any of those things. The men are just as bad they give you questionable looks and then they heavily judged you, with their warped thoughts of what an ideal standard of what a woman should be like. Thank god they don't know about my rapes and that I'm pansexual, who know what they will do to me.

I stopped being to churches because of this I still have strong faith, but at this point I have the beliefs that people ruin religions and that they hide behind it.

Another thing I noticed growing up in general about people, especially older women is that they hide a lot of secrets when it comes to abuse. I remember I would cry for hours about the endless stories about how my family members would attack me. I would tell her everything and only to be told that it could be worse and I just keep my head high. I was only 8 to 16.

Also I can't stand how people and again women who say they support women but tear them down. I am a victim to this I have always been the other girl that women and girls would be tear down. It started with my ex step mother, to relatives, people all throughout school, churches, and even at work. I have lost a three jobs because I had supervisors make up stories about me and how I don't like them. Resulting in rumors about me spreading, groups of girls secretly confronting me to do awful thing to me, they publicly humiliate me in a group of others, hack my account to read my journal public, give me food that caused me to choke because they spiced it something, telling me I should quit, and increasing my work load to the point where I quit.

I just want to say this, i don't chase after their men, status, or appearance. I don't talk bad about them or spread rumors, because I went through that pain growing up. I don't have self esteem problem, I come as myself... quiet and awkward. Girls come at me first, I still to the best of my ability keep it moving. Most won't confront me and because I have done no wrong to them and that I will only tell the truth about their true intentions of why they come after me.

Men can be just as bad if not worse as well. I don't flirt or form relationships at work or school. I don't fight over guys with other girls. I hate how some openly cheat on their partners. I don't like how some have to use their sex to dominate, humiliate, and suppress other guys and girls alike. I think it's wrong how they put other people at odds with each other, especially in the work place.
Last edited by IMA on Tue Jul 17, 2018 4:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

wolfspirit
Member
Posts: 1697
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:56 pm

Re: Sadness

Post by wolfspirit » Tue Jul 17, 2018 3:12 pm

IMA,
These people are living in the culture they know. They expect you to also, but you don't conform to their hurtful actions.
You said you are in a small town? Or did you move away?

I grew up in similar environments, but I was able to get out of them by getting student loans and going to college.
I worked enough to support myself so it took me 6 years to get a degree instead of four, but it was worth it.

Maybe you need to pull yourself out of that environment? I know it sounds easy but it isn't. I don't believe these people will ever change. It is all they know. But you don't have to surrender to it.

ws
Wounds are where the light enters you.
Rumi

IMA
Member
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 5:17 am

Re: Sadness

Post by IMA » Tue Jul 17, 2018 4:10 pm

So I lived in the subs most of my life, then I got married I moved into a different subs, after I felt my ex husband I moved to a small city and when the churches people harrassed me to that degree, I moved back into the first sub I mentioned.

Unfortunately for me that even though I left one church I still had to deal with the same kind of people when I came back home.

IMA
Member
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue May 29, 2018 5:17 am

Re: Sadness

Post by IMA » Mon Aug 06, 2018 3:47 pm

It makes me sad knowing that no matter what I do there will always be hardships in life. What's the point of being so strong all the time m, when something new comes along the way to tear you down?

The hardest part right now is being with people who are ashamed with me. They would either hide me than help me.

Rather form groups to control my wellbeing.

I'm going to succeed in my goals and when is all said and do I will have my cake and eat too.

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