I'm so alone

[See Me]

Hi, I have no idea how to post on forums. I hope I am doing this right. I guess that shows how low my self-esteem is, I have to make sure I am "doing it right".

I am a woman in my 50s and do not have even one friend. I do not have children, I do not have a job and, I am in a relationships with someone who does not know anything about me, does not see me, does not ask me questions, and, although he can manage at his job, he has serious difficulties with anything else. He is very emotionally cut off and cannot read body language and so cannot "see me" when i hurt.

And, unfortunately, I hurt all the time. I suffer with anxiety, in a big way, extremely low self-esteem and depression. I have been to many therapists over the years but somehow I cannot manage to get the anger out of my head. It consumes me. All I can think about is why this person, whom I have been with for 14 years, does not see me or acknowledge me. And I get so angry over it. So much anger. The angry dialogue just never seems to stop.

I really want to be able to work and to make friends but I just seem deficient, anxious, and consumed with with having someone meet my emotional needs.

Somebody please tell me where to go?

[recover]

hi see me,
welcome. i am going through a lot right now so i don't have many words to offer. just want you to know that i see and hear you and that you are not alone here. i am in my 50's too, 57, and often am consumed with deep dark bottomless emotional need. you are not alone.
with support,
recover

[Jonesy]

Hi See Me

A warm welcome to isurvive. Please don't be worried about 'getting it right'. I hope you will soon find that people here care and will offer you support.

[Xanthia]

Hi See Me,

Welcome to this friendly site.

No right or wrong here, just share as you feel comfortable.

Warm regards,

[victoria]

See Me,

I know you're having a hard time right now and have been for a long time it sounds like. My problem a lot of times with trying to get people to understand me is that unless you've experienced it or something similar, you really don't. Now you're part of a community that has similar experiences of where you're coming from and that will hear you and share with you, so I think you've already started on a good track. There's no right way on how to communicate your feelings and thoughts, just whatever feels comfortable for you so don't worry! I hope you can vent and release some of that anger that's in you and begin to heal.

xx
Victoria

[PeacefulNinja]

Hi See Me

It is hard to be seen and heard sometimes. Want to say more?

PeacefulNinja

[freefromlies]

Also a loner here but I found a way out by reading the right books. I felt lost and confused until eventually by chance I found writers who made sense to me and was able to find comfort and validation in this way. When you get on the right path everything begins to clarify but have spent most of my life lost in the wilderness so to speak. Sometimes I take my anger out on my guitar, not that I can play it well at all, but it feels good to snap a few strings through pure anger even if it sounds terrible! Actually if you want to try it buy a cheap guitar and the flimsier plectrums are best I find, buy a lot of them, because they quickly abrade or snap!

[dancingfish]

Hey See Me. It is good to see you here! We see you, we are listening, and you can share just whatever is right for you, as you wish. It's all okay. Anything you do or say or feel, it is absolutely okay.

That's always been one of the best phrases to help me. It is okay. You are okay. Everything, as it is, is okay to just be. It's okay to be angry, to be anxious, to want to be understood.

I hope you can find ways that work for you. Things can be different. Sometimes I really don't like that sentiment, but mostly when it's hard and there is pain and I still know it's true. ;) freefromlies' suggestion of books is good. Some of the reading material I found in the Reading Discussion forum was very helpful. Also reading here what has helped others, and safely trying out things to see if I liked it or it worked for me too. Trying to take care of ourselves is always the trickiest but most delightfully rewarding thing when you can manage a bit of it. I can't, always. But try to remind self that this is okay too. And that we can have a sense of caring for self, we are good enough. You are good enough, too. :)

Wishing you much caring, if okay. Hope all these words are okay to share with you. Here is to a moment finding you that holds some beautiful peace, accompanied perhaps by some pleasant sunshine, or a light breeze, as you prefer.

[ajei]

Hi See Me,

it's really good to meet you, I hope you find all the support you deserve here.

ajei

[Fleur]

Hello See Me

Nice to "meet " you

Hopefully you are in a brighter space than when you first began this thread

Much caring