Letting go

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Fleur
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Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Wed Jun 19, 2019 4:01 am

Dear honeybera, how I wish I could remove that inner critic for both of us

Sadly, for me - seemingly for you also - having own space hasn't altered inside head thoughts/voices

Great that you're finding ways to tackle tasks, such as sitting outside to rest

I smiled at your dogs having two very different responses towards fresh new straw

As always, lovely to read your message. Often glean snippets for dealing with life in general - thank you


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

honeybera
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Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:38 am

:idea: :arrow: :mrgreen: Ah HA!!! I believe that I have my answer to my avoidant behavior!! I am coming to realize that I have quite the garden out there. MANY different plants and trees and MANY varieties!! How to prune this and where to plant that is constant for me. TONS of hours of learning and studying on the internet and then putting it into action. I just bought 3 new GORGEOUS "double" Fuchsias (even had to learn how to spell that! :lol: ) online today. Come to find out some are for baskets and some are "upright", but all are just BEAUTIFUL and a wicked draw for hummingbirds to boot! I thought, "Oh, how delightful to place them right outside my WOW over by the bird feeders, in containers or in a basket accordingly, sort of in the sun and sort of in the shade, but still where I can watch the hummingbirds feed." So then, how to treat the Fuchsias right once I get them re: pH, watering, need for nutrients, and so on. But then it seems that no matter how much I study for one type of plant, I notice another one that needs study and attention, too. And then I get overwhelmed! AND THEN I JUST SIT. AND STARE OUT THE WINDOW. AND THEN ALL MY PLANTS DIE. And then I feel SO BAD and get majorly depressed and that in and of itself immobilizes me more and so on...just when I need to shake it off and simply get done whatever needs to be done, one step at a time!!

I just found this posted on one of my internet sites that is a treasure trove of info re: plants of all kinds:
Overwhelmed? There's a lot to see here. Try starting at our homepage.
And that's just ONE SITE! :lol: Multiply that by as many diverse plants/trees that I have out there to learn about and it's no wonder that I just cruise to a halt from time to time.

But there is hope for me. I also have good old Mark Twain's saying posted and highlighted up on my wall by my computer. And it says to "break my complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks and then start on the first one". AND to do so without judgement or harshness or ridicule of any kind in case I make some inadvertent error due to the fact that I'm one helluva lot NICER and KINDER and MORE PATIENT with myself than MD ever was!! The death (or at minimum the "reining in"!!) of my old Inner Critic (MD) is finally taking place!! YAY!! And HALLELUJAH!!

BTW, the names of my new additions to my garden of hummingbird-feeding Fuchsias are Blue Eyes, Sir Winston Churchill, and Voodoo! Google them if you get the chance. I wish I could share pics with you sometimes!! But this will have to suffice. :mrgreen:

====================================(Thurs. night)

I think I'll just send this now. DS will probably help me out there in the yard tomorrow to set up all those pots and place everything where it needs to be in the dog's yard...hopefully. I have a bunch of new stuff coming, including a bed frame like DS's, a bed skirt for it, and the headboard. And that's about it except for some big jugs of fertilizer and many new plants and seeds. Lots of work ahead and lots of watering and harvesting. I live a charmed life and I am so grateful. I've been reading a lot of my C-PTSD book re: that old Inner Critic. What I'm getting out of it is the Inner Echo of my old T saying, "How much power are you going to give her?" Answer is NOT MUCH. Or "as little as possible". I need to be good to myself and to appreciate my life as it is now.

One sad thing is with my Dot, my yard buddy. Having lost Butterbutt a year ago and Ms. T just last Feb. after such a long illness with Doggie Alzheimer's, now Dot is having seizures, not bad ones, but MANY little ones that have her fall on the ground and flail around briefly. Then she immediately rights herself and walks away or wants me to love her. It's hard for me to cope with this, really hard! I still miss my other two and don't want to have to live through this again. Very tough to deal with this. :cry:

Better get to bed now. Lots to do in the early am. So many big pots to fill, place, or move.

Farmer Honeybera

Fleur
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Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Sat Jun 22, 2019 7:41 am

Hello honeybera


Can identify with being so overwhelmed that you don't quite know where to start, so zero gets done - or all choices look great, which one, hmmmm???

Working on one thing at a time could be difficult for you as you have garage, front/back yard, house (inside/exterior) and dogs plus son vying for your attention. Then there are everyday tasks. Trust that the awareness kick starts a new beginning, a fresh way to tackle bite size pieces, to paraphrase Mark Twain

As you have previously shared, having parents who weren't able to nurture you and didn't assist you in making minor choices, has hampered adult well-being. My sister used to give her girls a choice between 2 items from a young age. This developed their autonomy

Meals, especially breakfast, were chaotic, until each girl took a turn at running the kitchen like a cafe, each responsible for the menu on their day

Along the way came appreciation for those who cooked and cleared, cleaned, most of the time - their mother and grandparents

Sounds heartbreaking that Dot might be developing serious illness. Perhaps a Vet review might assist to delay onset of further symptoms? Feel for you, son and dogs

Doing my best to visualise you enjoying your haven - I'll search online for your fuschia varieties


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

honeybera
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Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sun Jun 23, 2019 2:39 am

Fleur wrote:
Sat Jun 22, 2019 7:41 am
Can identify with being so overwhelmed that you don't quite know where to start, so zero gets done - or all choices look great, which one, hmmmm???

Working on one thing at a time could be difficult for you as you have garage, front/back yard, house (inside/exterior) and dogs plus son vying for your attention. Then there are everyday tasks. Trust that the awareness kick starts a new beginning, a fresh way to tackle bite size pieces, to paraphrase Mark Twain
Oh Fleur, you really get it! That's just how it hits me, too. But DS doesn't take up much time. He's fairly self reliant. He's held the same PT job for 5 yrs. now and does his own laundry and cooking (since he's on the Carnivore diet and I'm on keto). He will occasionally come to my room to say hi and make sure I'm still with the living, but he likes to cut it short. He has his own life behind his closed bedroom door. He is even CLEANING HIS OWN ROOM! <faint!> That's due to him and I cleaning the front room to make it pleasant and prepped for his D&D game (Dungeons and Dragons) that's moving to our house as soon as we can complete this renovation, ie, COMPANY'S COMING, and they may see his room! He still needs to built the HUGE "dining room" table I bought several years ago that's still sitting in its boxes waiting to be assembled by DS.

He recently asked for and got a new 18" high bed frame so he can store his "convention" items like suitcases underneath. He unboxed his GORGEOUS new black mahogany chest of drawers yesterday and put it in his closet. He has a new pillow-top mattress, too, and new black bed sheets (WOO WOO! :roll: ) AND Monday his MyPillows will arrive. He's had that old bed for about 15 yrs. and it was a hand-me-down to me before that from my dd. He got the new 32" gaming monitor out of the hallway FINALLY and he already has his own small fridge in there, too. Oh, and the blackout curtains as soon as he puts them up and a ceiling fan that's already there. It's one heck of a room (actually a "bedroom and a half" since I had them custom build the house that way when we bought it), but it's been a real dump...until lately. If a D&D game makes that much of a difference and inspiration to him, I say YIPPEE!! GO FOR IT!! He gets money for his upkeep sent to me each month, so to get him new things, fine, as long as they don't disappear into a huge pile of trash forever, but that seems to be changing for the better. Whatever he earns at his job is his...for whatever. And I about break even. It's a good deal for both of us.

He still needs to wash boxes and boxes of clothing (either usable or donatable) that he stacked up in the front room, but now that he has his new dresser in there and the under-bed storage, whatever he keeps has a home to go to. We are both trying to get into the habit of "if we're going to keep it, it must have a home, and we need to keep it there" idea. It feels so good that he's finally grasping that mindset...happily.

As far as him helping ME out...well, no. Not too much. He was supposed to help me move potted trees from one spot in the yard to the other side and fill a few 30 gallon pots for the last several days, but he just stays in his room with the door closed. I need him in the early morning since it's WAY too hot to work out there in the afternoon. I don't like to wake him up and ask if he can help me because (due to his graveyard schedule at work) he's a day sleeper whenever he can get to sleep. (That's why I got him those blackout curtains to put up! ;) ) Anyway, I got tired of that 6' potted Hosui Asian Pear blocking me from watering my strawberries, but thought that even with the hand dolly I couldn't manage it since I'd already tried that and failed. Today for some reason it was different and easier, so I tipped it up onto the dolly and gently moved it VERY SLOWLY (so I didn't trip and fall) from by the fruit trees on one side of my house all the way across to the fence on the other side of the dog's yard. Surprised myself! :P Then I watered the entire yard. I'll fertilize tonight just before sunset. The yard is shrouded in shade by then anyway.

I also bought ONE little Bay Leaf tree and it came yesterday. IT'S SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! Tiny perfect little thing with dark green leaves except for a burst of lime green tender leaves on top. Absolutely adorable! It's outside ATM getting partial sun/shade. My squash are growing like crazy!! I was right about the "mystery squash". I can now tell that it's an 8-ball zucchini. WONDERFUL! I love those! My Fordhook has a zucchini nearly worth picking already, and so does the Rampicante! I picked a Cubanelle pepper this morning along with some White Cherry and SunGold tomatoes (the ones that overwintered so amazingly well) this morning. This evening I'll pick all the Donut peaches (SO sweet!!) and the rest of the Eureka lemons. Some of those lemons are the size of small grapefruits or VERY large oranges! The Myer lemons (an orange-lemon hybrid) are much smaller and sweeter, but after my ignoring them for months in the heat last summer, they didn't produce much this year. Understandable.

I studied how to prune ornamental salvia plants. I looked closely at the plants that I have right now and am building my courage and confidence in exactly how to do it. Pruning isn't always cruel; it can be actually beneficial if done right. How much we mimic these plants and their needs. But "pruning" or "thinning" seems to be one task that I am still having trouble with. Choosing what lives and what dies and what part of the plant needs whacking is very difficult for me. I feel like I'm playing God. :? But seeing how it's done and just how beneficial it is FOR the plant involved is making it easier. I'm understanding that it's better for the plant and not a cruelty towards it. If I want a succession of blooms from Springtime until Fall for my hungry hummingbirds, I need to LEARN to do this. Otherwise, the plant falters and eventually dies. Right outside my WOW I plan to have a second hummingbird garden with salvia in an array of colors and my new fuchsias in hanging pots and regular pots. Should be a real draw for my tiny friends to come for a sip of nectar!! Heck, they come now, but yesterday one of the old drying up blossoms got stuck on its beak as that little hotshot came zipping in to eat, throwing off the dry blossom with a quick toss. I just need to tidy the salvia up and let them re-grow, Phoenix-like. The word "discipline" doesn't mean punishment; it means "to teach". Big difference!

Now another hesitation on my part: baking KETO bread! LOW CARB! I'm craving it so much after 20 months without!! I have the secrets to making it from the internet. Yeast needs sugar to bloom, BUT we don't eat sugar of any kind on keto. Some genius found that if she used inulin that the yeast will eat it and it will bloom, too, without sugar!! That's a BIG FIND! The bread is then made with almond flour, the yeast + inulin, eggs and butter. And I am TERRIFIED to make it for the first time...don't know why.

I'm not a bread baker. Never have been. And keto bread is notoriously HORRIBLE! I tried the famous Oopsie Bread once a long time ago and UGH! Very "eggy" tasting and only slightly "similar" to actual bread! But this uses yeast and they're saying that there's not that "eggy" flavor to it. I think I want it to be a good substitute so deeply that I'm actually afraid to try it. I have my bread pan out, I have ALL the ingredients, even my stand mixer stands at the ready, BUT I have not tried it yet. If it's really as good as they say, I'm going to kick myself for not trying it sooner. I would so love a piece of toast or a righteous Bacon & Tomato sandwich with my own mayo on it. YUM!! I just need to get off the pot and get in there and give it the old college try! But I can almost HEAR that old nagging voice whining: "But what if it's awful, too?? Then you'll be without bread again!" However, actually I'm without bread NOW.

I need to attempt this!! Quit playing around and just BAKE IT! It's just almond flour bread with yeast and a half dozen eggs. Even if it's awful, I can try, try again! If it's a flop, I won't go bankrupt losing the ingredients. I'll let you know how it turned out.

Baker Honeybera :lol:

Fleur
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Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:53 am

Hello honeybera


Congratulations for your achievements in the garden and wishing you best regards to get almond bread that tastes great. To me, it tastes more like rye rather than wheat bread and a bit like dry cake in consistency when toasted. If not compared with regular baked goods, it is delicious in its own right.

Great that you're beginning to eat own produce fresh from your yard.


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

honeybera
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Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Thu Jun 27, 2019 8:50 pm

Hey Fleur! :mrgreen:
Fleur wrote:
Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:53 am
Congratulations for your achievements in the garden and wishing you best regards to get almond bread that tastes great.
I wasn't going to write you back until I'd made my keto almond bread (with yeast!!!), and although I haven't actually made it yet, I'm moving closer towards "the deed". :lol: This is really throwing me for a loop! I came to find out that it's all about the YEAST, the need to BE PERFECT about the temp. of the water needed to proof the yeast. I have reintroduced myself to several tools in my kitchen: my stand mixer, my instant thermometer (for water temp for the yeast), and the yeast packets and jar of yeast itself. What a HUGE project I am making of this! It's like I used to be with my mayo recipe which I whip out now in no time and with GREAT results. So it's just a matter of doing it and doing it right until I am no longer intimidated by...THE YEAST! :P

My last step is today: getting dressed, going to pick up my prescriptions (a great excuse to get out of the house), then to the battery store for new batts for my Thermoworks thermometers (I have two :roll:, found them both, and both are dead), and then HOME to make that darned bread! :lol: I know exactly how it goes together. I want to do it. Oh, this is a hard one for me. I serve two roles: one is the stubborn mule that sits in the road, refusing to move, and the other is the encouraging person trying to get the mule to move. Severe internal conflict!! At least my plants are watered and fertilized, but my bread remains unmade. :(

I know that this seems awfully silly, but it's really a BIG part of my healing from the constant overwhelming scorn and shaming heaped on me by MD. And it's a much more gentle and kinder way, too. NO JUDGEMENT HERE!! No rushing, either, and no scolding or shaming. I need to face this and kind of sneak up on this, study it and understand it thoroughly, and then just do it. Like my Grandma would have taught me. No pressure. Just lovingly. Besides, I can hardly wait to try this bread on a BLT or grilled cheese sandwich or even toast...ooh, or French toast! I have some sugar free pancake syrups to die for. What a nice treat that would be! :mrgreen: A reward for a job well done.
Fleur wrote:
Sun Jun 23, 2019 8:53 am
Great that you're beginning to eat own produce fresh from your yard.
My lovely garden is doing well. I have another Fordhook zucchini already out there, and it's for a side veggie for dinner today. The squash plants are getting HUGE already! I may even harvest my first Rampacante ever! It's nearly a foot long already!! I got one small red Cubanelle pepper so far. All peppers and tomatoes are doing well. I ACTUALLY HARVESTED an entire Donut peach tree the other day, one peach at a time. I brought the several pounds of those super sweet peaches into my bathroom (aka my gardening center in the summertime) in a cute little metal wire basket that I have (with little ♥♥♥♥♥s woven into it), and then took the whole thing to the Hobby Room and placed them gently in the French door fridge in there in their own fridge veggie/fruit drawer. I can now go in there, grab Donut peaches for dessert, and eat them while watching Dr. Phil. What a charmed life! For me, it gets no better than this!

I sent DS to the store last night to get some things mostly necessary for his diet - among them was fish. He read the list wrong and I ended up with nearly 10 lbs. of fish and a bill of nearly $40.00, just for the fish. He loves baked fish. But now my freezer is bulging again. :roll: We also got 3 cases (36 jars!) of a special ordered low carb Cheese sauce that he likes to eat as a dip with pork rinds. Trust me - it won't go to waste! He loves this stuff and it's WAY better than the entire bags of double-stuffed Oreo cookies chased with 2 liters of Mt. Dew that he used to eat!! So I don't mind.

I'm also trying to clean out my pantry, too. And I'm making headway there. Old expired crap (some from 2012-2017) got tossed out until our garbage can was FULL. I need to make room for my flavorings and spices that now take up my sideboard space. I'm getting there, albeit slowly. One HUGE can of beans (which are NOT keto!) from 2012 was so heavy that I asked DS if he wanted it in the kitchen garbage, and he said no, he'd take it directly out to the outside garbage can. He NEVER does that!

I'd better get going now. I don't want to blow this day off and not get done what I need to today. ♥♥♥ LOVE YOU ALL!!! ♥♥♥

Honeybera

Fleur
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Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Fri Jun 28, 2019 5:07 am

Dear honeybera


You've done well with getting kitchen sorted, one step at a time

Great to read that your son is helpful. I smiled about misreading shopping list, resulting in freezer full of fish. I don't know title/author - I remember reading a book to my son a tale of penguins having so much fish from teaching youngsters to find them that everyone who passed by was given generous parcels of fresh fish. All the penguins ate their fill. Isn't memory strange - a simple error on your son's behalf prompted something I'd forgotten from almost twenty years back?

Wishing you and your son a great weekend


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

honeybera
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Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Sun Jun 30, 2019 7:31 pm

G'day, Fleur! :mrgreen:
Fleur wrote:
Fri Jun 28, 2019 5:07 am
You've done well with getting kitchen sorted, one step at a time
Oh, you have no idea how true that is!!!! :lol: Right now, I stand at the abyss of adding in the YEAST! I believe that the underlying cause of my EXTREME hesitance is a fear of FAILURE, so I simply avoid doing anything!! (read: learned helplessness!!!) But I'm also a big girl now and can see things with a 72 yr. old's understanding. I need to gently guide myself with doing one step at a time, as you have so wisely said. {{{{Fleur!!}}}}

As it stands today, I have all initial dry ingredients in the pan, whisked well, and now it's time to add the YEAST. I now know exactly how hot/warm 105-110ºF is, the ideal temp needed for proofing yeast without killing it. I used my freshly "batteried" instant read thermometer, got the temp right to that reading and then, noting where that was on my faucet, plunged my hand into it. "Ah! So this is what that temp feels like!" And then I balked again! :roll:

So my kindly solution for this minute is to come and "talk it out" with all of you who can truly understand and even empathize how this old C-PTSD can obstruct even the simplest task we wish to do for ourselves.

BUT I will challenge it in a minute. AND WIN!! :P I'll be damned if I'm going to allow the mere THOUGHT of MD and her hostility dissuade me from happily making a loaf of keto bread!! And after all, that's all she is to me right now: a memory!! The reality is that she is a severely UNHAPPY and miserable 90 yr. old wasting away in a nursing home put there by her son, her adored one, the GOLDEN CHILD, who has run off with the entirety of her estate. She constantly complains verbally about how she just wants to die. DB even confiscated her guns (and kept them for himself naturally) after my father's passing in 2011.

On the other hand, I still own my own home (that I bought and am paying for with money that I earned by working a job for over 25 yrs!) with my biggest problem being making decisions about YEAST for a new bread recipe and watering my plants!! Not bad problems at all, and certainly ones that have an easy solution. Odd how things work themselves out given time. :mrgreen:

I keep telling myself that if this bread recipe is a complete FAILURE, I've only wasted a couple of cups of almond flour and 7 eggs! I even have plenty of fully active yeast, both in packets and in a nice fresh jar I picked up at the store! I could attempt making this recipe for freakin' EVER!! No harm done at all!! I don't even have to order my almond flour online anymore. Costco carries it!! So...why am I so afraid it will fail?? Abysmally!! I just made another batch of my own recipe for mayonnaise and it turned out GREAT, as usual. I approached that in much the same way...with dread of failure. And fail I did! A couple of times. I almost quit!! BUT BUT BUT~~ this hurricane in my head is of my own creation! Yes, due to the fact that I was physically and mentally and emotionally abused as a child, BUT I'm also the one with the ultimate and final answer to my own problem, thank God!! I alone hold the key! There's real power in that. Far different from the abused child (and even young adult) that I was, forced to tolerate MD's rages without help to avoid them or escape!!

I can see it more clearly for what it was now. My dad's best friend told me once that MD was insanely jealous of me, which I did NOT understand! How could she be jealous of ME? I was no threat to her, not in any way! But she was jealous of me. Horribly! She DID INDEED feel threatened by me! It made no sense, but it was there and always had been. No wonder I was confused by that. Who takes a hairbrush or hanger to the backside of a toddler who'd done nothing? But in true childlike manner, I somehow had to take the blame (and eventual shame). I didn't deserve it, but I got it anyway, heaped on me by both myself and MD. And that happened due to her upbringing (or lack thereof).

But more and more it's becoming crystal clear to me just how bent and destructive MD's rages and control freak attitudes, unjustly passed on to me to use on my oldest son, were. However, "were" is past tense and is no longer applicable. I stopped the brutality to my oldest son and got help. MD had the same options and yet did nothing and questioned nothing. I am now finding my way out of the cage which gives shocks: no more learned helplessness for me! IT'S OVER!! (Or at least I'm currently heading in the right direction!!) :P :mrgreen: That yeast is calling to me. I sure hope it turns out nicely! I'm dying for some nice toast or grilled cheese! I even found my Walden's Farms jams (0 everything! No calories, no carbs, but tastes great!) and can use them with butter...YUM!! Maybe just one more YouTube video on bread making and then into the kitchen I go to face my fears for yeast one last time!

TTFN

Honeybera, the Conqueror!! :roll: :lol:

honeybera
Member
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Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera » Tue Jul 02, 2019 3:50 am

OK...WOW!!! Every time I think I have this keto thing down pat, I learn something new! I now know that I've purchased the "wrong" yeast! I don't need the regular kind of yeast. The "traditional" kind of yeast you do need to "proof" to make sure that it's alive and active. No, I need the "rapid rise" that you don't even need to proof at all! Just toss it into the recipe and it does the rest. NICE! And I'm learning about delicious and cheesy tasting Nutritional Yeast, too (not the same kind of yeast at all), and hallelujah, it's KETO FRIENDLY! YAY! I'm so glad that I took a small pause to rethink this and watch another video or two. I guess one is never too old to learn. ;)

I also got my watering done. Two of my squashes were beginning to wilt a bit, but now they look wonderful again! I now have squashes on every bush out there, even my little Jaune et Vertes. This week I have twice had a Fordhook zucchini for dinner and YUM!! From my garden to my table. Life is sweet! And those squashes are so wonderful and tasty! My Rampicante has 3 or 4 starting on it and I'm about to pick the biggest one next. It's skinny, but it's almost a foot long already. I understand that they're really good to eat and have a "nutty flavor". I can hardly wait! My Costata Romanesco is about ready, too. So many little tiny squashes on ALL the plants. I should be cooking up a storm soon. Squash is keto friendly, too. :mrgreen:

I may just proof that yeast for the bread and see how it goes. It's becoming more and more transparent to me just how it works, that formerly overwhelming bread baking conundrum. :roll: MD no longer could even cross the room without help and is currently so unarmed in so many ways. :P So I am safe to try, to attempt, and even to do. I'm off to the kitchen now. :mrgreen: Wish me luck.

====================================(a few minutes later)

OK, I mixed the inulin + yeast and put in some 109ºF water and mixed that in, too. Now I wait 10 min. But it SMELLS like my long forgotten B-R-E-A-D!! Just the yeast + inulin in water. Don't know if it will work. Maybe I'll make one of those "keto bricks" instead of a nice fresh loaf of warm bread, but who cares? I will have at least TRIED!! Six more minutes. I should go get my eggs ready to add in. I sure could use a hug right now. :roll:

====================================(several more minutes)

I just mixed up the dry ingredients, yeast mixture, a cube of melted butter, and 7 eggs in my stand mixer. It sure smells good! Yeasty. ;) Now I have to wait another 20 min. for it to "proof" and rise a little bit "in a warm place", so I set it on the stove. It looks like a loaf of uncooked bread. This is my first time doing this, even with or without wheat flour (which is ever so much easier to do since almonds, hence almond flour, have no gluten in them). That's why the keto bread is so difficult to do, but if I can't master it, no one can. :P

I have a pretty bad UTI right now. Went to the doctor's on Saturday; got some antibiotics. But that's not what threw me: I'd GAINED 7 lbs. again! Why?? I had to be honest with myself: I just picked all those sugary sweet donut peaches off my tree, had refrigerated them, and was eating them at about 6 per day. I was packing away 12 little freestone peach halves as a dessert after dinner. SO GOOD! But also SO BAD for me!! NOT KETO AT ALL!!!!!!! So now I'm watching a TON of YouTube videos on keto, sort of re-educating, re-evaluating, and motivating myself. And I can see that I'm going to have to NOT eat them, as tempting as that is!! They are my favorites, those tiny donut peaches. But in the video today Dr. Sten Ekberg (a new keto "wellness" doctor to me, but one who apparently knows his physiology cold!! I'm liking him a lot!) explained how only the liver is used to metabolize fructose, and those peaches with their sweetness and wonderful tastes have a LOT of fructose.
Fruit contains two types of sugar: fructose and glucose. The proportions of each vary, but most fruits are about half glucose and half fructose. Glucose raises blood sugar, so the body must use insulin to metabolize it. Fructose does not raise blood sugar. - Medical News Today
BUT all that fructose puts a substantial burden on my liver and the glucose does raise my blood sugar and insulin. So what do I want to sacrifice? My health? Nah. I've decided to just try to sell them to the health food store (they're still perfect in my fridge), and if they don't want them, I've got neighbors. ;) Not a bad idea to soften them up for the onslaught of ZUCCHINI that is about to happen! :lol: And there's always Zucchini Keto Quick Bread.

==================================(It's in the oven!!!)

Ten more minutes!! In the meantime, I shook some garlic powder and curry powder and dried onion into a soup bowl, added about a cup of raw baby spinach, topped that with a can of Swanson's Chicken broth and then some of the chicken breast cubes (already cooked), cauliflower, and country gravy (very rich and thick: reduced heavy whipping cream + creamed cheese + spices + broth mixed with pan drippings - SO good!!) from last night's dinner, covered with Press'N'Seal and nuked for about 7 min. to cook the spinach. It's cooking now and I'm having it with the "bread". FINGERS CROSSED!!

Depending on the outcome, I may or may not make this bread again. I will probably never "proof" yeast again due to the quickness and availability of Rapid Rise...but I didn't know that a couple of days ago, did I? :mrgreen:

===================================(First check!!)

OMG!!!!!!!!! It looks SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!! All nicely golden brown when I just checked it, and the aroma had already just hit my bedroom! :P YUM!! I'm drooling!!! I'm leaving it in the oven for another 10 min. since it doesn't have a "hollow sound" when thumped yet, but OMG! So another 10 min. I love my peaches, I really do, but if this bread turns out as good as it LOOKS, I'M IN KETO HEAVEN!! One small step out of the cage of learned helplessness!! THREE NEENERS!!!!!!

=================================(DINNERTIME!)

It came out GREAT! (Amazingly!!) Nice look, nice taste, NOT "eggy" at all...loaf cut nicely, too, with my regular kitchen knife (once bread was cooled for a couple of hours). I put butter and peanut butter on it, one slice toasted and one slice untoasted. Gave some to DS and he liked it, too. I will definitely make this AGAIN...AND AGAIN! I used to pay Netrition dot com (in New York state!) a whopping $7.99/loaf to ship this sort of thing to me, but my feeble and hesitant first time effort turned out a MUCH bigger and MUCH better (and FRESHER!) loaf!! It cost me 2 cups of almond flour, a cube of butter, and 7 eggs. What a saving!! The rest of my loaf is in the kitchen fridge now where it will keep for about 2 weeks, but I doubt that it will make it without being eaten for that long. YUM!! No more opening up a box shipped across the USA for over a week only to find a moldy loaf of nasty week old bread that I'd paid a fortune for, ruined! I am happy that I overcame my fears and just went for it!!

Time for dinner! I wish you could all be here and share! Hugs to you!

Honeybera, Baker Extraordinaire! :lol:

Fleur
Member
Posts: 13378
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:23 am

Re: Letting go

Post by Fleur » Wed Jul 03, 2019 11:57 am

Hugs to you also honeybera! Way to go

Really something to celebrate for sure

Understand about the peaches. I've had to forego all drupe/stone fruit for a few years. Just think of them as poison - which is how my gut feeling becomes when I eat "toxic" foods

Wishing you many happy hours of baking keto friendly bread


Much caring
Onward to a safe community for all people in which to thrive ~ gentle hugs [if okay] ~ Fleur

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