Letting go

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

Moderators: Harmony, quixote, ajei

Post Reply
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

coconuts wrote: Thu Mar 18, 2021 2:36 am Sounds like you have dreams and plans and much fun to look forward to.
Hey coconuts! :mrgreen: I try to anyway. I walked into the Computer Room tonight (soon to be the storage room; it's just our 3rd bedroom, but quite large) and just started looking into the boxes to see what's in them. The answer? PAPERS! Lots and lots of ancient papers from the looks of it. Ok. I know there's canned food buried down in there somewhere, but what I'm finding is OLD PAPERS. Ancient bills, junk mail, and so on mixed in with all sorts of other things that make me shout out, "Oh THERE that is!!" I'll be on the lookout for my birth certificate so I can get a "REAL" driver's license when I finally get to do that after the pandemic. I don't want to fly anywhere, but I have a hunch that it would be worth my while to get it with the "real" on it.

I no longer "save" all my old junk mail. In fact, I've gotten myself into the habit of tossing junk mail in the trash the day I get it, and that's a real accomplishment for me. :mrgreen: But BEFORE I started doing that, I have managed to "save" up a half a bedroom of boxed, "saved" junk mail, or at least I think that's what is in there. Box after box of it.

I'm also starting in on the "wall of junk" that separates my kitchen from the family room. Again: boxes stacked upon boxes. So I'm unearthing one of the boxes of old clothes and washing them so I can keep them or donate them or toss them out. I'm back to that scenario. :lol: But I have a HUGE washing machine (I had to have the biggest and the best; I wonder where I got that idea from? :roll: ) so there will be plenty of room to wash them, re-box them, and put them into my finally running car. Or I can just call the disabled vets for a pickup. It is all moving in the right direction ATM.

I will say one thing: I'm never bored! There is ALWAYS something to do. Plus my garden! 8-) And the garage! And there's no one to even help me. But what else can I do but put one foot in front of the other and do my level best? This isn't something that I can do quickly. It's slow, but it is doable.
coconuts wrote: Thu Mar 18, 2021 2:36 am Perhaps a better sleeping schedule too.
Yeah, maybe. It's 2:30am now, and I'm wide awake and about to make some "dinner". I'm fasting ATM and I need my keto style fasting dinner: sauteed spinach in bacon grease and butter (and spices), 3 scrambled eggs with crispy bacon, and a lovely, rich Bulletproof coffee. I'm on hour 60:36 right now (2.5 days but on a fat fast which is super easy to do for me). I found out that for someone like me, I need to kind of jolt my system once a month or so with a longer fat fast due to my stubborn insulin resistance. It's easy enough to do and I'm FINALLY losing some weight!! How much? I don't know. But I can instantly tell when I shower or see how my muumuus are fitting me. My "belly fat" is slowly going away! YAY!!! :mrgreen: My blood sugars are down in the 120s (fasting), so I'm pleased with that. My last "meal" (a cuppa buttery Pumpkin Spice BP decaf coffee) was at 10pm day before yesterday. Since then only water, but I'm just now getting hungry, and that buttered spinach with a side of eggs and bacon is sounding pretty darned good right now. :mrgreen:

But right after that I'm loading up my washing machine with the donation (?) laundry, and then grabbing a Mystery Box from the "Storage Room", turning on Netflix, and sort it out and wait for DS to come home from work in the morning. It's supposed to rain tomorrow, so no garden...not yet anyway. The pups are so darned cute; we pick them up in two weeks IF we can wait that long! They're 8 weeks old today. Spot is doing well. Her nipple (boil??) has completely drained (THANK GOD!!) and she's in here with me now. She has no inkling that two very energetic and adorable pups will be arriving soon. It's a welcome challenge for us all.

Love you all!!

Honeybera
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by Chessgirl »

Hey honeybera,
Hope it’s ok to kind of tune into the convo here. Wow, you certainly keep yourself busy! All of that paperwork and organizing sounds extremely daunting but you have an amazing attitude about. Yeah I would think that would keep you so busy. I have a lot to do around here as far as organizing and sorting out clothing, old papers, old nick nacks to do something with that we don’t have room for. I keep thinking I’m gonna eventually have the motivation and energy to do it. I took adderal for over a decade which made me go go go nonstop. After years of that I finally stopped but now I hve trouble doing anything. I also used to be on that keto diet you talked about. I called it the paleo diet or cave man diet. Organic meat and veggies. I was on the diet not for weight loss but to treat a fungal disease I have called candida. I keep saying I’m going to get baxk to tht diet again one day. It was so clean and healthy and yummy. Took work though. I literally had to cook everything, no frozen crap to throw in the microwave. I felt so much better when I was on this diet and increased my water intake too. Man there are so many things I want to do and change about my current lifestyle. Reading about yours is motivating. I hope you do give yourself plenty of down time to relax and do nothing. You really sound like a go getter and a positive person!
Chessgirl
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Chessgirl wrote: Fri Mar 19, 2021 12:46 pm Hope it’s ok to kind of tune into the convo here.
Greetings and salutations, dear Chessgirl! :mrgreen: Nice to hear from you! I loved your post! What a breath of fresh air for me! Thanks for adding your comments. :mrgreen:
Chessgirl wrote: Fri Mar 19, 2021 12:46 pm I also used to be on that keto diet you talked about. I called it the paleo diet or cave man diet. Organic meat and veggies.
Another keto/paleo/caveman aficionado, albeit not quite as strict as I am, but few are. I'm fighting for my life, though, and that keeps me honest. I don't do paleo due to no dairy (I ♥ my dairy!!) and the paleo choices of high carb alternatives to sugar (honey, agave, and so on). I also don't do caveman/carnivore due to the fact that any protein eaten is metabolized internally into 45% glucose (sugar) and the carnivore folks eat mostly proteins while I eat it "moderately". Mostly meat/protein is not my deal at all. My "diet" is eaten to keep my insulin levels as low as possible by eating extremely high fat (and only enough to make me "full", NOT stuffed!), not how many calories I ingest.

Over the years I have had to learn what my hunger means and how to recognize it. MD started my decline into weight gain and eventually morbid obesity when I was born "the wrong" gender. :roll: I was shamed and beaten all my life over NOTHING. Bottles of formula were withheld even if I cried for them if it wasn't done at the scheduled time. I believe that that would have/could have been somewhat CONFUSING to an infant. Then my bottle was PROPPED up and I was never held while being fed so I wouldn't become "spoiled", whatever THAT means. Then she constantly told me how UGLY I was (SO not true!!) and beat me and isolated me and played cruel mind trips on me from then until I married to escape her brutality.

It took a book, Overcoming Overeating: How to Break the Diet/Binge Cycle and Live a Healthier, More Satisfying Life by Jane Hirschmann, et al (on Amazon), recommended by a visiting social worker in 1977, plus years of work on it to achieve an understanding of what "Are you hungry?" really meant. In the back of the book was a questionnaire that asked me that specific question...and I had no clue. Then I read another book, "Love Hunger" (not nearly as racy as it sounds :lol: ) by Frank Minirth, Paul Meier, et al. (Amazon), that described Mouth Hunger vs Stomach Hunger. And one of these two books set out a way of judging the intensity of hunger on a scale of 1 (INTENSE hunger!!!) to 10 (STUFFED, couldn't even think of eating another bite!!!), with 5 being perfectly full and satisfied and comfortable. I strive for a level of 5 nowadays, even after a long fast. And I try to never allow myself to get down to a 1 either. I quit fasting if I get down to a 3-4 and I'm experiencing real hunger, which I now recognize, but with the high fat in my diet isn't until hour 20-24 of my fast, so it works out for me.
Chessgirl wrote: Fri Mar 19, 2021 12:46 pm I was on the diet not for weight loss but to treat a fungal disease I have called candida.
Yes, it really does work for so many things! I no longer have Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease, no more Athlete's Foot, my gout has decreased to close to being gone, and my arthritis is gone. Eating no sugar helps anyone with cancer by not "feeding" it since cancer flourishes in a high sugar environment. Sugar is the true enemy. It causes cataracts and worse! But without sugar in my diet even my eyesight is holding steady and not worsening. I watch TV with no glasses anymore since my cataract surgery on my one eye. This WOE is amazing to be sure!
Chessgirl wrote: Fri Mar 19, 2021 12:46 pm I keep saying I’m going to get baxk to tht diet again one day. It was so clean and healthy and yummy.
It is yummy, that's for sure!! I just feel better when I'm on it...with fasting. My DS went to a fast food place and got some food to take to work with him, and just for the heck of it, got a regular soft drink, not even a giant one. He said he'd no sooner drunk it when he got severe stomach pains which lasted about a day. He is "fat adapted" and not used to that much HFCS (sugar!), and he told me, "I'll never do that again!" I'll bet!
Chessgirl wrote: Fri Mar 19, 2021 12:46 pm Took work though. I literally had to cook everything, no frozen crap to throw in the microwave.
It really is a lifestyle change. I've had to learn how to cook that way, but there is little to nothing that I can't adapt to keto now. I make my own mayonnaise (TOTALLY YUMMY!! and without SOYBEAN oil! :x ) and with some spices/herbs/you name it added to it, I can make any salad dressing, hamburger topping, etc. I bake my own Keto bread (with a bread machine) for sandwiches and toast, especially Grilled Cheese sandwiches, one of our favorites. That's a pretty quick one, and I have it with Sugar Free Bread and Butter pickles: SO GOOD!! I completely gutted my old kitchen with the cake mixes and Rice-A-Roni, etc. But I have found that baking a cake from scratch is EASY. And I use either almond or coconut flours, sometimes hazelnut flour in my baking. Spiced/"sugared" nuts are a real treat, and I can make muffins, waffles, Chaffles (waffles made with cheese, WAY better than it sounds!!), biscuits, cookies, pies (especially cream pies), CHEESECAKE! Even savory things like fabulous soups, coleslaw, "breaded" chicken wings, "crack slaw" (sauteed cabbage with hamburger - so good it's addictive!), heroin wings (same "addictive" thing with chicken wings), and there's even some REALLY GOOD Sugar Free BBQ sauce and Teriyaki sauce to top meats with. Netrition dot com And lots of these things can be FROZEN for use later. And all of this is online. How to make it. How to do it. I think up something that I'd like to eat, Google it (like "keto biscuits" or whatever [or even Chaffles!] :mrgreen: ), and make it - putting one in my mouth and 11 in my freezer for soup or stews made later. Heck, I even have those soups in the freezer in individual frozen 1 cup blocks of soup (Broccoli-Cheese, Cream of Asparagus, Southwestern Chicken, etc.) that I throw into the microwave in a bowl to melt and reconstitute with some butter and extra heavy whipping cream, but it's not "crap". It's wonderful! And it's nearly instant!

But the best, although horribly expensive, is our Rebel ice cream...to die for!!!! My guilty pleasure. 8-) It's still keto, and WAY low in carbs. It's the best we've ever found. It's really good. rebelcreamery dot com They ship it to us in big packages filled with a dry ice slab. It's always rock solid in little pints and then into our freezer it goes. Most of the flavors (and there are a lot of them) have these chocolate chunks in them. OMG, so good!!!

Granted, it is a lifestyle change, but it really can be done. Once I got more organized in my kitchen, it became much easier to do. If a recipe says some "normally odd" ingredient, it's probably in my kitchen! :lol: Erythritol or stevia or monk fruit instead of sugar is my new normal.

===================(2pm-ish)

Let's see if this works. It has a good rating:
Low Carb Baked Chicken Tenders
4.1 stars from 186 votes
These baked chicken tenders are coated in a deliciously savory crust, yet have zero breading, which makes for an awesomely low carb meal!
• 2 lbs. chicken tenders
• 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 2 tablespoons parsley minced
• 1 tablespoon dried oregano
• 1 tablespoon paprika
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• Pinch of cayenne pepper
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon pepper
• 1/2 cup butter

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Combine all dry ingredients in a mixing bowl and set aside.
3. Line rimmed baking sheet with foil.
4. Melt butter in a shallow dish.
5. Dip each chicken tender in butter then roll in seasoning mixture and place on prepared baking sheet.
6. Bake for 20-30 minutes or until chicken is cooked through.
If you're having trouble getting your chicken tenders to crisp up, try placing a cooling rack over the top of the prepared baking sheet and placing the chicken tenders on top of the rack. You can also broil the chicken tenders for a few minutes after they're done baking.

Variations:
• Add ¼-½ c. Keto “Panko” crumbs and/or Hidden Valley seasoning to seasoning mixture.
• Deep fry or air fry.

Servings: 4 NET CARBS: 2 per serving (½ lb.)

[external link removed per site guidelines]
Wow! It does!! This is one of my actual cookbook pages! I added the variations and there is a picture at the top of my page, but other than that, this is it. I was looking around at "heroin wings" and such on google, saw this, and made one of my pages (for my Meat Cookbook) out of it. Credit is given to the author and website. There are no tricky ingredients. If you want it, it's yours. If you want the Panko crumbs recipe, I've got that, too. It's really just pork rinds and seasonings ground up in my food processor, but it's great as a breading or a binder in meat loaf. I make a big batch of it and store it in a ½ gallon Mason jar in my fridge. Most seasonings are ZERO carbs, but do check first.

I just got back in from the yard. SO NICE out there! Feels like Spring. :mrgreen: I walked out my peppers into the sunlight, and then I walked over to check on my often-neglected pear trees (planted together in a plastic ½ barrel :oops: for shame!). One is blooming and the other is still alive with leaves emerging from tiny buds. I'm just glad they are still alive! Then I walked over to my FOUR tall strawberry planters that were COVERED in weeds with little strawberry leaves and blossoms peeking out here and there. What a mess! I tugged (HARD!) on one weed...!! And finally out it came, roots and all! So I pulled on the next one...and the next...and the next until it was all done but one last weed that I'm going to need my actual weed puller/digger on. But otherwise it's all done. I am most pleased with myself. :mrgreen:

Now I need to clean out ONE box of papers and do one load of "donation" laundry. I could also sort out a box or two of kitchen "donation" stuff. Funny, as I tidy up the house, DS is following suit in his own room. Amazing! And when I told him that I needed him out there in the yard with the new chain saw (currently in the front room in its box), he didn't sort of complain about it; he just said, "Sure!" :ugeek: I really liked that! Neither of us has ever used a chain saw, but I really need it to prune certain trees. So we'll both go to some YouTube videos to find out how to use one. Tonight I also need to find the video on planting peppers and how to transplant them into larger containers. I'll bet I'll sleep well tonight!

I also opened up the FOUR Chewy boxes FULL of happy puppy toys/training treats/crate + accessories/bones and other teething treats - OMG! What fun! I'm hoping that if DS can SEE all of that set out in the front room then he'll set up the crate for me. I have but 2 weeks to get this place together for the pups arrival. I have much to prepare for them. I wish you could see them! They're black and tan with white paws, and they're full of prunes! If those two don't lighten my spirit, I don't know what will. Little rascals, the two of them! The breeder has sent me videos of them. All I can say is,"Awwwww!!" I fully plan to spoil them rotten!!! :lol:

==========================(next day)

On for today: Clearing and weedeating an area out there in the garden, spreading a bale or so of straw on the ground (for weed control), and moving pots and refurbishing/refreshing the soil in them for planting. Right now I'm on hold with gardeners dot com because I'm having trouble making my order for those cloches so I can cover my precious seedlings that I've been carefully raising inside since Dec. from seed. To lose them at this late date and after all the hard work I've put in would break my heart. Something out there is destroying all my pepper seedlings...

===============================(ANOTHER day or two has gone by)

WOWEE! I need to get my butt in gear!!! I haven't mentioned this, but my Social Security has been in limbo for the past several months. I didn't do anything wrong, but my former company did. They "forgot" to file paperwork with SSA when the company was set up WAY back in the 1970s. They took money out of all of our checks over the years even though no one voted for that to happen. It was SO DUMB, but they were asking all of us to vote on it now. They seemed to take pleasure in frightening us half to death by sending REPEATED letters to all of us by saying that our SS checks may or may not continue if the vote to hook up with SSA was unsuccessful!! :o :shock: But today I got a letter saying that "the (Union) groups overwhelmingly approved the...Agreement referendum. Your Social Security benefits will continue; there is NO interruption!" They also said that it'll take up to a year to "validate and certify" that which our Union has now voted on. Figures. :roll: But as long as they haven't screwed up my income, so be it.

Add up all this PLUS poor little Dot dying PLUS living through a pandemic PLUS watching all the "cheery" TV news...and so on and so on, I've made a decision. I need to watch MUCH less news/movies/etc. and get into what's going on RIGHT NOW in my home!!! Everything here is so cheerful and loaded with promise! SPRING IS HERE! How can I be down and depressed? I wish I could show you Boots and Mittens, my matched set of tiny, playful Rat Terrier pups. Breeder CD sends me little clips of videos with them bounding around and being almost painfully cute. Boots is the more aggressive, but I like that a LOT! As DS puts it, "THERE'S our hunter!" :mrgreen: But they are a matched set, like a little train of tuxedoed Ratties, and Mittens is the caboose, so I hope that she'll follow me around the yard as I work on my veggies and the garden. I miss Dot so much!!

You should see all the toys I've bought them already! I'm trying a few out on poor ol' Spot, like the "slow-eat" bowl where they'll have to sort of dig around a bunch of protruding plastic pieces to get at the kibble. Spot loves it! It gives her something to do!! I got the pups the same kibble as they're used to, too, and it's already here. I'm trying Spot out on that food next. She's been staying in my room with me. I swear that dog is in mourning...still! But with her advanced age and her periodically unsteady gait, she gets excited, even giddy, and oftentimes just runs like she used to, play stance and all! She's eating again (she LOVES that crazy new bowl that makes her work for her kibble/treats). So Spot may be here for a while longer! I hope that those pups aren't too much for her. In people years, she'd be 110 yrs. old! We'll see how that goes. This is so much healthier to dwell on than mass shootings and border and political crises. :roll: :!:

I'm also selecting a number of plants online. Some are really weird, but I like weird a LOT. Check out the Desert Rose (Adenium obesum). Very weird, tubular flowers, loved by the hummers, gnarly root system - right up my alley. It IS poisonous, but LOVES the 100ºF heat we get here in the summertime, the hotter the better, so I'll keep it UP UP UP and away from my curious pups, but right up near that back fence for the hummers. The killer hot heat even makes it bloom more. I'll have to baby it a bit in the wintertime, but no worries. I'll initially plant it in a very small pot (which is necessary for this plant) and when winter comes, I'll put it on the top shelf of my grow lights where I can "ignore" it. It can't take too much intensive care-taking, so it should do great there. I'm also getting some Blue Tomatoes! Two different kinds, just to play around with. And tomorrow I'm planting my bush beans because it's supposed to be in the 70s for the foreseeable future. YAY!! And I got a new apple tree to pollinate my Fuji.

Oh! And I ordered my cloches, too. They should be here soon, so I can FINALLY plant my peppers without fear of losing them. They emailed me that they've been shipped already. I've also got my eye on some raised beds from Australia. They're made by a company called Birdie's and are made of stainless steel with a zinc coating. GORGEOUS! But although they're just now being offered here in the US, they are very expensive and I will have to wait...for a while. I want the TALL ones so I don't have to stoop and bend over to reach my raised beds. The cheap cedar ones I have now are falling apart. I just finished paying off my freeze dryer, so I need to wait for a bit, but these beauties are on my list! I want the 8-in-1 TALL. I can make it into any shape and size that I want. AND THEY WILL LAST! It's time for bed now. SO tired, and it's only 6pm. Lots to do tomorrow!!

Honeybera
Last edited by Harmony on Thu Mar 25, 2021 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: external link removed per site guidelines.
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by Chessgirl »

Hey honeybera,
Coming back later to give a more thorough reply, but wanted to touch base now too. I’m really excited about that recipe, especially with the homemade Panko crumbs. I used to have a food processor and it was so helpful for making things from scratch. I may look into getting a new one. Thank you for all those book titles. It sounds truly fascinating. I’ve always been a binge eater myself and wondered what that was all about. Your garden and home sound lovely! I can just picture you. I’m sorry about all the death and the loss you have experienced. My dog is unfortunately fading. Gonna get her scanned this week and see what it could be sigh... and yes this is just a crazy time we are living in. Wishing you happiness and some peace today! I think I’m gonna have to look up some keto recipes after our chat 😆 sounds so yummy
Chessgirl
Jonesy
Director
Director
Posts: 16128
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2011 1:44 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by Jonesy »

Hi honeybera

Your recipe sounds delicious, going to give it a try this weekend.
Not sure if you know, but we have a thread here viewtopic.php?f=72&t=9481 for posting recipes.
Would you like to copy it there so others can find it?
You are important

Email: jonesy@isurvive.org
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

Oh thank God for you today, Chessgirl!! "Mary Sunshine" here has got the BLUES. I went to bed last night and woke up this morning thinking of the many chores to complete today: bake keto bread, "do my pills", clean out the dogs pen (AND my bathroom/bedroom due to obliging Spot and being used as a dog toilet throughout for the last several days so Spot would "feel better" by being loved through her grieving), get out into the garden (many satisfying chores to do out there), and so on. Cheerful me! :x Always in service to others. :roll:

So into the kitchen I went for the bread making, but I wanted some company. My DS's often closed door was open, so I asked him if he'd be ok with visiting with me in the kitchen while I assembled the bread. He came in, sat in a chair out of my view, AND WAS DEAD SILENT. We normally enjoy talking politics, so I asked him, "What's going on since I've been asleep? I haven't checked yet." His comment was a terse: "Not much." And that was that. Mr. Chatterbox had nothing to say to me. Then I realized that I hadn't set the eggs out yet to come to room temperature, so I did that and told him that that was ok. He could go back to his room. He did.

Either he has a bone to pick with me that he's not saying or he is having his own problems and won't speak about it. But I could feel my old depression growing, like lurking in the background.

==========================(3 hours later...)

Well, I decided to instead of allowing myself to slip into further depression that I'd call my cousin R and then my dear brother. That did the trick!! I heard all about some stories of my cousin R when he was single. We were estranged for several DECADES not due to anything we did, but just living about 100 miles apart and living our busy lives. After speaking with him for some time, I called my brother and we shared a LOT about our very common ancestry. We are completely brother and sister, me being 10 yrs. older than him. Same mother, same father. He told me that living with MD wasn't perfect for him, either. MD used to dispose of his toys if he didn't put them away IMMEDIATELY! "They were just GONE!", he said. "She'd just say 'look in your toy box', but they were GONE FOREVER." It seems that he had to put up with her nuttiness/"cleanliness", too, but many times less than I did.

But then he began sharing/emailing pictures to me that he'd gotten off the internet and elsewhere, asking me who was who in 1954 in these pictures. BIG group pictures taken in my grandparent's home. All are dead and gone now except for me and the other kids in them, at least as far as I know. Then he showed me pics of my bio-grandfather whom I'd never seen before, my adopted Grandma when she was young (1920s?), and even a Voter Registration log dating back to 1894 introducing me to my great grandfather, a Confederate :o soldier who fought in Atlanta, GA, during the Civil War and survived to come west and become a candy maker in the town I'm now living in!! :shock: Amazing!!

Let me do my thing, dear Chessgirl. I promise to answer your kind and interesting post as soon as the sun goes down. Bread first, yard later, clean the dog pen, and then sit down here to answer you.

============================
Almond Flour Waffles

Almond Flour Waffles Recipe – Easy 4 Ingredient Low Carb & Keto Diet Waffle Recipe with almond flour or almond meal.
• 4 Eggs
• 1/4 Cup Cream
• Pinch of Salt
• 1 Cup Almond Flour or Almond Meal

1. In a bowl, whisk together the eggs until smooth.
2. Whisk in the cream.
3. Add the salt and almond flour or meal and whisk until you have a smooth, bubbling waffle batter.
4. Heat your waffle maker and cook the waffles according to the directions on your waffle maker.
5. Remove from the waffle maker and serve.

Yield: 2
VARIATIONS: Can use flavorings or dried fruit; can top with whipping cream and/or SF syrup
(Double or triple this recipe)
FREEZES WELL
Amount per Serving: Calories: 262
https://yummyinspirations.net/2018/06/a ... es-recipe/
Keto doesn't get easier than this! Use sugar free maple syrup and LOTS of butter! Side of bacon and eggs and you're set!

And don't forget to try Chaffles (cheese-based waffles, but you can't taste the mozzarella cheese). Really, really good! The internet is a Keto recipe playground!! Savory or sweet, there's almost nothing that you can't have on keto.

But the intermittent fasting is what really what does the weight loss, although the lack of sugar and high carb starches are the culprit some of the time. And the real trick is that keto is HIGH FAT, leaving me satisfied and NOT hungry and making fasting a really easy. If I was slipping high carbs and/or sugar in from time to time, I'd be right back to weight gain again. My dear cousin BJ drinks many of her calories by drinking CASES of Pepsi (full sugar/high fructose corn syrup). She's a full blown diabetic with blood sugars in the 400+ range. She claims she's addicted to them. It's hard for me to talk to her b/c I want to somehow convince her of what is truly causing her health problems, but who wants to hear me go on and on about how her beloved Pepsi is harmful to her? She hasn't lost her eyesight or had an amputation yet, but it's a matter of time. It's not easy to have her answer and have to keep mum about it.

I really wish I had a keto "group" to go to and talk to about all of this keto stuff. I finally understand it enough, guaranteed more than my "CICO" (calories in/calories out) doctor does!! Not just the WOE, but the deep down metabolism of it. I don't "count calories". I count insulin production. For someone like me, insulin resistant and with now pre-diabetes, I need to watch my intake of high GI index foods (high carb, high sugar). What isn't high carb? FAT, lovely, tasty FAT. It has ZERO carbs, yet keeps me happily full while I fast. And that works. It's worked for diabetics for the last 100 yrs. And here goes the HISTORY of how we weren't eating enough grains for wheat, corn, etc. farmers, so Kellogg's and other companies got ahold of researcher Ansel Keys who skewed his findings to show that fat was bad and grains were good. And so it began.

Oh my!! It's 8:00pm and I haven't eaten yet all day. I am hungry now, so I'm off to go make dinner: pork steak, fried in lard, and stir fried mixed veggies done in the pan drippings, a handful of cashews, a cuppa BP Pumpkin Spice decaf coffee with HWC, and some Rebel ice cream for dessert. It'll be SO GOOD!

===========================(midnight)

Dinner was delicious. I got full too soon and skipped the cuppa BP and the ice cream and just had a couple of pieces of Russell Stover's sugar free candies instead for dessert. Now I'm falling asleep in my computer chair. Do look up some keto recipes. Keto isn't hard once you have your kitchen set up. In fact, it's the easiest and most satisfying "diet" ever: lots of fat (70%-90%), moderate protein, and very restrictive carbs with NO sugar of any kind. But do look up "fat bombs" and see what you think. ;) And get ready to do some serious belief adjustments: lettuce and salads are to be controlled carefully, but the dressing is just fine...and so on. I can give you a fabulous "success every time" EASY & QUICK Keto mayonnaise recipe. 5 ingredients + olive oil, a stick blender, 3-4 minute blending, and it's DONE. Better than Best Foods, I swear! Makes three cups of mayo. For convenience, make it right in a 1 quart wide mouth Mason/Ball/Kerr glass canning jar with a lid for easy fridge storage. I've gotten this down to a science! And weight loss is just one of the benefits of this. Would you be interested in hearing more? I'd be thrilled to have someone to share this with.

Off to bed now...

Honeybera

PS- The best book ever? The Obesity Code by Jason Fung, MD (Nephrologist: Kidney Specialist/Diabetes) Explains it all. Changed my life.
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

I've done nothing in the past several days. Depression? I don't know. Maybe. I haven't baked any bread, haven't done my pills, haven't done anything in several days. No, wait. I watered the yard yesterday and moved some plants around. Emptied the clothes dryer and took a MUCH needed shower. And I eat a good meal once a day. But that is it.

Oh, and I'm playing a lot of games on my iPhone. For me, that is a major "tell". I sort of escape through playing electronic games. It's sort of saved my sanity from time to time in the past. Before iPhones (etc.), like I said, I played Yahtzee by myself all night long...or I'd read books. That was when I was 19, married, and was having my first severe Clinical Depression. (Yes, I'm so old that I can remember life BEFORE all the current technology. :P) Back in the old days, the TV stations simply turned off during the wee hours and there were no DVDs or anything else to do. Normal people were all asleep. But I was up sitting by myself in the deafening silence, trying to cope up and not be bored to tears. Even I knew that there was something wrong; I just didn't know what it was. I used to say that it was like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that wasn't there. I didn't know (nor did anyone else at the time) what C-PTSD was. There weren't any YouTube videos to watch and distract myself with, no all night cable news, no old movies on TV, at least not that late. No Dr. Les Carter to describe MD's problem with narcissism and to tell me that it wasn't ME with the problem, that it was HER, and that he wished me peace.

But I do know me well enough to see my "tells" of when Old Man Depression is pounding on my mental door. I'm not dissolving in tears at the drop of a hat ATM, but all I do want to do is just too great an effort to do. So I just sit. That even comes to eating. I just keep putting it off until I am REALLY, REALLY hungry!! Cooking anything is just too great an effort. I'm settling tonight on bacon and eggs and a BP cuppa coffee because it's quick and simple and filling. I'd love some toast with that, but I didn't make any bread yet or biscuits either.

I remember thinking during the first Great Clinical Depression at 19, "I have just GOT TO get up and DO something!!", but as I'd get up from the couch, I'd only make it as far as the edge of the coffee table before I'd become so exhausted that I'd have to sit back down again. Nowadays, I just never get up. I sit at my computer chair for entire days on end, even until my butt's tired, or I'm in the bed. I look out my WOW and see all that needs to be done outside before next Friday when we go to pick up the pups (a really happy thought for me), but I just sit there, staring. "I'll do this first (watch the movie, play the game, etc.) and then I'll go do that.", and then I never do. :roll: :( I don't feel as despondent as I used to because I'm not feeling hopeless, but the escape into mindless, pointless games is a real tell for me.

I'm on fasting hour of 23 and I'm HUNGRY, so I think I'll go get some bacon and eggs now as my dinner. If I'm still hungry, I might add some steamed broccoli + mayo. And a pint of Rebel ice cream for dessert. DS is working tonight (8pm-6am) so I am all alone again tonight. He says he is going to be stern with his boss working him nearly every day. He's told the boss that he's only part time (or supposed to be anyway), but they just keep scheduling him anyway! They promised to work him only 2 days a week + to fill in IF there's an EMERGENCY, but every day seems to have "an EMERGENCY". My DS is going to have to stand up for himself and learn to say no. It's a life's lesson that he needs to do. He's only working for pocket money anyways. I believe that after months of him either working or sleeping 24/7 has something to do with my lurking depression. We'd both like a nice balance in home/work for him.

Off to the kitchen...

Honeybera
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by Chessgirl »

Hey honeybera,
I’m sorry you are going through a funk. I am getting out of one now. Today was the first day in several days that I was able to get some things done. Cooked a decent meal after nearly a week of eating out. I took my daughter out to my play in the yard for awhile today. I also cleaned the kitchen and took out the trash. This was big progress, as every day last week I was in bed avoiding triggers and trying to distract myself with books and movies. I’m sorry you know what it’s like to feel this way. Sounds like you have been coping with it for a long time. Hope you have a nice week and feel better tomorrow. Thinking of you.
Chessgirl
dancingfish
Member
Posts: 1303
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: Letting go

Post by dancingfish »

Hey honeybera. :) It sounds as if you've just had a lot going on, too, though sorry to hear how hard it's sounding. I get into "why aren't I doing anything?!" funks too (to borrow Chessgirl's lovely word for it :D), and I'm still kind of figuring them out, years on. Playing games on my phone a lot is an indicator, too! I particularly do it while "watching" tv or a show in the evening, I think as a way to maximise distraction and take my mind off everything. (Sound, visuals, puzzle-solving, and resting on the sofa = no thinking.)

Sometimes though I think maybe we need a break, or some healing, or just caring of ourselves. That's what the resistance to doing-all-the-things is. And although we'd like to get all the "things" done - I have gardening, chores, clearing up old boxes of stuff, and other admin awaiting me! - and they can even be enjoyable, they're not things which are necessarily what you need most right now - so they become way harder to do. Your internal resources are being all used up on other more important stuff. :) That's my theory for when I'm resisting doing all the things by just sitting.

It's hard to acknowledge, notice and prioritise your needs if you've gone through trauma too I think, and also had to put them aside so much and prioritise those of others (our dear MDs, etc.). I'm certainly often out of touch with my needs, anyhow. I just get frustrated if I'm not doing all the "normal" things I think I "should" be, instead of being able to notice what's actually going on with me.

So far I've just about learnt to recognise my stuckness for what it is, and I'm trying to work out things which are "better" than escaping in a world of phone games, etc. I know that's useful as distraction, but it's not really nourishing either.

Something I tried yesterday, as I surveyed a garden of neglect (it's been winter, but everything is starting to sprout and needs pruning, or new soil, or moving from a bad spot, etc.!), was to go out and not do stuff that "needed" doing, but just something I wanted to do, for me, because I like it. So the tree is not yet pruned, but my herbs I can see from my kitchen window are now tidied up and even re-potted. (I don't care much for repotting, it takes so long and it's so muddy! And then the birds dig up all the new soil! >.<) It was nice to just go out and do things for the sake of enjoyment though, instead of "having" to.

Anyway, I'm not sure how relevant all this is to how you're feeling, but I can sympathise perhaps with what I think of as the stuckness. Kudos to you for seeing it and treating yourself gently though. :) I think you've been through an awful lot recently, what with grief and the ongoing silliness (if I may call it that) of your son's work situation - I know you've both spoken with them before, and it seems they just keep pushing back, quite unfairly on him.

I guess I also wanted to say I see that you haven't been doing nothing recently, you've been looking after you! You've been eating, and yesterday took a shower. You've also been grieving, dealing with sadness, dealing with the pandemic(!!), and adjusting maybe to the idea of new puppies, too. :) You're planning what needs doing in your garden, and taking care of your health and diet too. That's a whole lot, honeybera! So I'm going to cheer you on if that's okay. :D

Hope you can find your way back to more of what you wish to be doing too, though. It's frustrating when it's not all happening as we'd like it to be. Take good care now, you deserve it! Best wishes to you dear honeybera. :)
honeybera
Member
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:32 am

Re: Letting go

Post by honeybera »

If anyone cares, I'm doing better today. (Thank goodness!!!) Bread is baking in the kitchen, dishes are in the dishwasher, I'm readying a wash load of keepsakes and donatables. But first, about an hour of yard work. Be back later...

==========================(...and...)

I mopped my bathroom floor (finally!!) and now can put down my laundered rugs. I need to do this more often. Losing sun outside, but I had to talk to DS's boss and clear that situation up. I'm feeling better already!

========================(next day)

DS excitedly came into my room and told me that my old (since at least 2002!) videogame that I sunk a ton of money into, lost myself in when depressed, but had quit playing some time ago, was going to erase all my characters if I didn't log on. I'd forgotten my passwords, what email I'd been using, everything! He had to sit here for well over a couple of hours to figure it all out and it's downloading the patch now so I can play again. I guess it'll be like getting reacquainted with old friends. I have pages of old characters on there! Many are at level 140 and above, some over 200. I just hope that this isn't like an old drinking buddy coming over with a bottle of booze to "cheer me up" if I was an alcoholic. :? I dare not get re-hooked on that game, especially right now when I'm fighting depression.

My cloches came in, too. So now I can plant my precious seed-grown peppers without worrying that they'll get eaten to the ground by some unknown force. These are made of very small ½" chicken wire over a metal frame. Sun and water can get in, but larger pests (like rats) can't! I need to get out in my garden!!!! But every day, something stops me. I commit today to breaking up the dried weeds over in the dog's yard and doing a quick weed eat over there, too, before the foxtails rear their ugly heads and reseed the entire place! It's 3:30pm, so I need to do that now. It'll give that videogame patch time to load up, too.

=============================(next day)

I'm so busy today! Garden (cloches/weedeating), kitchen (cut up bread), clean/mop dog pen (family room), floors (new Swiffer wet jet :mrgreen: where have you been all my life??!♥♥♥), assembling all sorts of things (with MUCH help from DS!!), arriving packages...just TONS of stuff to do! I'm determined to sort of work/putter my way out of this creeping depression. Got no time for it! I need to cut up an evolving WALL of empty cardboard boxes in the front room right now so DS can have some room in there to assemble the new dog crate. Oh, and the new cloches with the extension attached (makes them taller and wider) fits perfectly in the 30 gallon SmartPots. PERFECTLY! I covered up the surviving plants in one pot, either Brussels Sprouts or Broccoli; I can't tell the difference yet by just looking and I don't know what survived the onslaught of whatever is attacking the seedlings that I've set out. I'm putting out ONE pepper plant today under a regular cloche (no extension attached) and we'll see what happens tonight. <fingers crossed!>

I'd better get scootin'. Lots to do! I'll check in later...

Honeybera

BTW, the TV is OFF...and will stay that way until tonight! :P

PS - I just saw your lovely posts, dear dancingfish and Chessgirl. I laughed my..."something" off! :lol: (No need to get the moderators down on my neck due to course language!) If I answer you now, I may just slow down...and down...and stop. And that will never do. But when I need to take a break later on, I'll answer you then. I laughed because you really, REALLY understand!! Bless you both!! It's reassuring to know that I'm not alone in this!!
Post Reply