Letting go

[coconuts]

Youve been hard at work. Yum on ripe strawberries. We had a bird problem this year that has eaten every single apricot in our tree. Thats 1000s of apricots. So glad you ate having better luck. Now to get the freeze dryer up and running in time.


Coconuts

[honeybera]

I seem not to be able to help myself sometimes! I just bought a BUNCH of plants ONLINE for my hummingbird garden outside of my WOW. Yes, it is August and the heat wave has just begun, but...OMG, they are SO CUTE and so geared towards what my hummers LOVE. I bought 11 plants in all:

4 salvias (Salvia adenophora [red trumpets], Salvia patens 'Guanajuato' [3" tubular blossoms of ♥deep periwinkle blue♥], Salvia microphylla 'Red Velvet' [very red], Salvia semiatrata [pink, lavender, and midnight purple]),

5 cuphea [KYOO-fee-uh] (Minnie Mouse Ears [hot orange with tiny purple-black "ears"], Cuphea x 'David Verity' and Cuphea ignea [aka firecrackers - bright red-orange and yellow!], Cuphea 'Strybing Sunset [yellow-orange with purple "ears"], and Cuphea x 'Kristen's Delight' [pink body, white tip, and soft lavender "ears" - CUTE!!],

and 2 agastaches (Ava [raspberry color] and 'Kudos Ambrosia' [deep pink, aka Dwarf Hummingbird Mint]).

All are tiny to medium trumpet flowers which hummers adore, and all are of different vibrant colors, but the best one, the CUTEST one, is the Minnie Mouse Ears cuphea. It's like a cigar plant - well, you can see it on Google images if you'd like. SO ADORABLE! My hummers should go WILD over these! There'll be so much nectar for them they may have to go on Jenny Craig! Or on keto with me! This should be a hoot to watch them.

What lies ahead is a TON of heavy work, filling and moving heavy pots all over my yard. But I'm figuring one or two plants per 30 gallon pot (short in the front, taller in the back), and I have a LOT of 30 gallon pots and LOTS of heavy bags of potting soil. And in my mild winter climate, they'll be perennial anyway. So once planted and established, all they'll need is water, sun, some shade, and rarely a bit of fertilizer. I may actually get a gardener (helper) in here for the major cleanup that I'm seeing is needed, like those cursed whippy weeds. It's really a LOT for me to do all by myself. So getting a temporary helper out there is definitely under consideration and WITHOUT guilt. (That's new for me.) A helper would be really worth it and a nice gift to myself!!

Youve been hard at work. Yum on ripe strawberries. We had a bird problem this year that has eaten every single apricot in our tree. Thats 1000s of apricots. So glad you ate having better luck. Now to get the freeze dryer up and running in time.

Yes on the strawberries. There are some nearly red ones and tons of green ones, even on the Albions. They've all contributed more to their thriving than I have, that's for sure. Hardy little buggers!!

And YES on the freeze dryer, too. ATM it's sitting on its permanent portable push cart IN MY FOYER, STILL IN THE BOX, right by the front door. We need to roll it in to the family room and set it up, but first...and here begins the harangue about the rolltop. Blah, blah, blah! BUT we are getting there...slowly.

Sorry about your apricots. I was able to get some of mine until I realized how much sugar they contain. I have both Blenheim and an Aprium (apricot-plum). I can't eat them now, nor the peaches, but maybe later, like next year. As for your naughty birds, I got this:

Apricot Problems and Control. Birds will eat buds in winter and ripening fruit in summer. Net trees to keep birds away. Small trees can be protected by a net cage ...

Try Googling "bird netting" and see what you come up with.

That's it. Off to bed at 4:30am! <groan!>

Honeybera

[honeybera]

I was awake at 6am and out to water at 8am after checking my iPhone videogames until then. It was already 86ºF! By the time I finished at 9am it was 90ºF and now at 10:18am it's a scorching 95ºF!! High temp today: 108ºF...and overcast = high fire danger (or earthquake weather)! The high temp on Wed. should be 111ºF and 109ºF on both Thursday and Friday!! That's even hot for HERE!! It's so hot that we even made the national news, and they never mention us out here on the Left Coast! And even Arizona is about to set new high records for the number of days over 100º. So yeah, it's HOT HERE!

My point? It's August...it's incredibly HOT...and I'm still watering!! Now that is real progress!!! My plants weren't even wilting yet. Not even close! But all plants and trees got a drink (except those who are irrigated, but that's tomorrow's chore and is super easy to do). I even refreshed the outside water for the dogs and the birdbath. The birds will come by this afternoon and drink and bathe, and as I watch them I'll smile in satisfaction knowing that I helped them. Did you know that birds pant like dogs in the heat? They do, but at least they have this small refuge with clear water in the shade to drink from and the other shaded dry "bird seed" birdbath to grab a bite.

OH! And as I watered this early morning, I realized WHERE I can put all those hummingbird plants until this heat passes and I can work out there again. (The absolute coolest low temp. @ 6am over the next few days will be 78º-82º-78º!! That's WAY too hot to work in except to water.) On my planters that now hold my ChaCha chives and parsley, there is a shelf underneath and thereby in the partial shade, PERFECT for my 11 new plants that are on their way! They should be safe under there until I can fill up more Smart Pots and until this heat passes. It should also be easy to water them since they'll be right there where I have many plants to water already. Easy-peasy!

Watering thoroughly on a DAILY basis and doing it SO DARNED EARLY before the heat hits is a real challenge to me, but so far, so good! I'm realizing that if I want to have my plants (and clean house, etc.), I have to self-discipline myself, not with harshness, but with self-praise and a sense of pride for doing it well and right. That sort of treatment is what works with me, and what I've always craved. Well, I sure didn't get it with MD, but I can now give it to myself.

===========================(1:34pm)

Just gave the dogs their meds and went to put them outside and WHEW!! 100ºF even! And muggy! Completely overcast! And now the real heat begins! Even with the overcast. There was even talk of late afternoon thunder and lightening and the fires they can cause. We don't often get this kind of extreme weather. My house remains at a very comfortable feeling 76ºF summer and winter. So I'm inside for the rest of today. OMG, it's horrible out there!

I think I'll break my fast and get my OMAD and watch Dr. Phil while I eat it. Cream of Asparagus soup (homemade) and a grilled cheese sandwich to start - oh! and a small side dish of some leftover cubed winter squash + butter and S&P. I'd also like some baked Cauliflower Mac N' Cheese with ham? And a scrambled egg with peppers and onions and salsa. Oh, and 2 tiny fresh strawberries from my garden that I spotted and picked this morning. Yep, that'll do it! And I won't be hungry again until tomorrow.

♥ I'm really enjoying this life I'm living right now! ♥

Honeybera

[honeybera]

<heavy sigh!> I'm considering giving up my Commercial Driver's License. It's time to renew and they want me to take the entire test again, including a complete physical. UGH. Why should I go through all that? I currently (and proudly) have an A-P endorsement on my license. That means I CAN drive anything from a big rig (the A endorsement) to a transit bus (the P or passenger endorsement and the A includes the B needed to drive a transit bus). It's like I'm finally REALLY retiring, but I have NO intentions of driving professionally again, so why go through all that again? But still it's sort of hard to give it up so finally. I will get my Class C (regular driver's license). No physical exams at all with that one.

On the other hand, that job truly has saved me! It gave me the exquisite feeling of POWER when I had my uniform on. Not bossy or anything, just not so low on life's totem pole. Everyone knew me, and most everyone liked me. I was an oddball, but was still accepted for just who I am. That was a very nice aspect of the job. I went from Welfare to a Union job, just like that! I was even able to buy this house while I worked there, and was able to move away from "the projects" where I had lived for over 2 decades on AFDC (Welfare). I didn't even leave a forwarding address when I moved here. But I kept the job and I kept my new home. And NOW they give me a nice pension check every month. Best thing I ever did was to go to work for the transit job and leave the old crumbling AFDC, the "projects", and the War on Poverty from the Johnson era behind in my dust!! To work is to raise one's self esteem!

Honestly, my self esteem was so low during the Welfare days that I literally DID live in the projects and was GRATEFUL that we weren't homeless anymore. They'd just refurbished these apts. from door-less wild crack houses to nice apts., but they were STILL the projects (3bdrm/1½ bath condo for $52/mo! Section 8). As I was moving in (and terrified), my new neighbors walked by and spat (yes, with real spit) on my things still packed in my U-Haul. "We don't want YOUR kind in OUR neighborhood!!" We were one of two white families in there out of 168 apartments. GHASTLY! But I survived. In fact, I GREW! My kids never missed a meal. I shopped at the local thrift store and squeezed every nickel til the buffalo screamed! And we slowly became part of the neighborhood. We lived there for the next 20+ yrs. until they told us that in two years my rent would go from $832/mo to $2319/mo!! I was working already, SAVED the money for a 20% down payment over the next 2 yrs. (so no PMI), found a nice big house that I could afford approx. 100 mi. away from my job (and that they were about to build in the next several months), and BOUGHT IT so DS would have a place to live. BEST INVESTMENT EVER!!! It's gone up by 250% in the last 20 yrs. Nice payoff for all that grit and street knowledge that was forced onto me during my stay in the projects!

But I couldn't have gotten this house without my Class A-P license. And it's hard to just let that go. Freakin' MD may have gone out of her way to not teach me and support me as I progressed in my life, but I succeeded anyway!! SHE NEVER BROKE ME OR MY SPIRIT!! She may have bent me some, and permanently, but she never broke me. She ALMOST did, but not quite. As Dr. Phil says, "I don't wonder WHY you did such and such, I wonder WHY NOT?"

So it is with a heavy heart that I change my status from Lady Trucker/Transit Driver to regular licensed driver. I once even taught people to drive, licensed by the state and employed by a driving school, but even that only required a Class C. I'm going to call the DMV tomorrow and ask how I can change my status. I do want my license to drive my car and pickup truck. The COVID-19 virus can only last so long after all. And once it's gone enough so if I get it, I can probably get rid of it, I'm planning to go see my doctor again and then go to the Senior Center or SOMEWHERE at least, meet some new people, maybe do my own shopping again, maybe volunteer, maybe take my trike up to the trike shop and get those new brakes on it! I just want to SEE people again. Being so locked away is starting to toy with my mind!

I've also decided to clean out the garage over the next few weeks so I have a place to put that damned rolltop desk and MOVE IT OUT OF MY HOUSE! I'm not too sure that DS and his friend will actually move it for me, and if he doesn't, I'll call some moving company from Yelp or something and get it OUT OF THAT ROOM and into the garage. I can pay for it to be moved out to the garage if DS isn't doing it quickly enough. It is in my way ATM!! And MY room has all kinds of stuff (boxes, etc.), and while stacked neatly, it's still IN MY WAY. And it looks ugly! And it's depressing, too! But there sits that darned desk, blocking everything!

Clutter is not a good thing at all. Dr. Phil is talking today to this couple whose house is a MESS. MD used to say, "My house is immaculate, but don't look in my closets!" I'm trying to get comfortable with all this "clutter" talk. I'm wondering WHERE to put the things that I want to keep. I just looked up the word "clutter" on Google. Did you know that they will STORE your "clutter" for you?? I kid you not! STORE IT?! NO NO NO!! I need to LET GO of the clutter that I have gathered over the years! I need to ORGANIZE! I'm actually getting there, but it's going very slowly. That garage is NEXT on my list!!! There is so much in the Hobby Room that is in boxes (always the boxes! ) that I could actually USE and KEEP (drills/tools/saws/etc), but that NEEDS TO BE MOVED TO THE GARAGE! Right now it's just cluttering up the sideboard in the Hobby Room. I have a lot of heavy duty sheet cardboard out in the garage right now that I want to put into the garden as a weed reduction (#1 task!), and then begin on the shelves or the Mystery Boxes (task #2). They're piled high and tilting and need to be addressed! It's hard to do with all the smoke in the air due to the fires everywhere (1,000,000 square miles up in smoke and the sky an "overcast" gray day after day from that smoke) and all the unsafe air quality warnings, but I saw some blue sky today. So it shouldn't be too long now until I can get out there, but until then I'm doing some work inside the house, like today. My room is still depressing (so cluttered AGAIN!), but not unclean, just cluttered!! Too much stuff. STACKS of stuff! UGH!

================================(couple of hours later)

I just looked over on YELP and found a nice moving company that I'm going to call sometime today for a quote; 5 stars, 43 reviews...sounds good to me. My DS has sold stuff for me before, so once it's in the garage, it shouldn't be around too long. AND I can begin working in the Storage Room. But for right now, I'm off to bed. It's 5:30am. I have to stop doing this! Up all night, sleep all day. When it's so smoky outside, it's ok, but now things are moving again.

Honeybera

[honeybera]

I just thought this: I used to BE a furniture mover. We mostly moved O&I (office and industrial). (I have done SO many driving jobs!) So if I bought just two furniture moving dollies at like Home Depot ($38.00/2 padded dollies - super cheap!), broke that desk into its two pieces, laid it on these dollies (with DS's help, of course), move it out to the garage, and then it's up to DS to sell it...et voila! IT'S GONE! Easy peasy!

I stayed up all night again. So today (or tonight when I wake up) isn't the day to start on the garage since I wake up just as the sun is setting and so do the Black Widow spiders out there, so I'm not going to work out there tonight. (WAY too creepy!) I'll try to get back in a better sleep routine and hit it in the morning/afternoon time when the sun is up. The smoky skies are nearly back to normal. And I have a workable plan. So by Sunday or Monday, I'll begin this OVERWHELMING project, one manageable task at a time. And then that desk! AND offload all that manure on a pallet in the bed of my pickup. Plenty to do!

And my new salvia/cupheas/and the other plant whose name I can't remember are arriving here by Sept. 14th, so the garden needs some SERIOUS work as well. Tomatoes: lots of blossoms, but no tomatoes yet. Peppers: something came along and ATE them! I still have 3 medium peppers on the plants, but the plants themselves are gone. From gorgeous bushy plants to ANNIHILATED OVERNIGHT! It looks like someone came along with a knife and just cut off all the leaves. I have no idea what caused it either. So sad! My strawberries are doing fine, though. And my HUGE Fuji apple tree is LOADED with apples! I have to really prune that thing once the apples are ready (maybe Oct.). We should have the freeze dryer up and running by then, so I'll prep them all and freeze dry them. I can't have apples quite yet (keto no-nos), but they are the sweetest apples I've ever eaten.

So one step at a time.

Honeybera (healing up despite MD! )

[dancingfish]

Aw honeybera, you're doing so great! And even reaching out for help or extra equipment where it suits you, too - that's such a good idea. We don't have to tackle all these things on our own with our bare hands! Especially heavy bits of furniture and entire yards full of invading plants.

I understand that parting with your licence, which was such a big part of your life for so long, might be tricky. But hey, there's nothing saying you can't go take those tests and pick it back up again in the future if you want to. For any ol' reason. It's just not what you're doing for now, perhaps.

Sorry to hear about your pepper plants, how frustrating! I'm not sure what would chomp all the leaves off, either. Hope that enough of your other plants and trees are doing nicely to make up for it, though.

I'm reading along even if I've not been too chatty of late - do keep on keepin' on, it's so wonderful to read how you're doing! And even if there seems to be a little step back (ah sleep, it's so tricky to have a "good" routine for it!), you're right on it with kindness and forgiveness once again.

Take good care now, and keep well despite those smoky skies!

[honeybera]

Hey there, dancingfish! From all your comments, I can tell that you are indeed reading along as I spell out my life on here. Both the knowledge that I am NOT alone and the actual telling of it tends to heal me from the inside out. ♥ dancingfish! ♥

Right now I'm watching Won't You Be My Neighbor? on PBS, the documentary story of Fred Rogers. Funny, I cried uncontrollably when I first saw the movie of Mommie Dearest, from the pool competition to the ending of the reading of the will. MD and her low rent similarities to Joan Crawford's one-sided competition and cruelty shocked me! But this movie showing the kindness and sincere love and understanding of children that Fred Rogers had got me as well, but not tears from the same source at all. These were tears of longing and suppressed pain from my childhood. They never seem to go away, and they are DEEPLY embedded in my innocent Inner Child's heart.

When I was little, TV was brand new and my father was in the business of repairing them when they broke, so we were beneficiaries of that then cutting edge technology. We had a little 7" round screen Philco TV set that the neighbors would come to our cottage windows and peer in to see that "amazing" test pattern of an Indian on our screen. That was enough. Just the test pattern...and of course it provided the boost to MD's ego! That was HER house and HER husband that was providing that!

I was put to bed each night at 5pm, right after I watched Howdy Doody on TV and was fed, so she could get the evening "alone" with my father while I slept in the other room at the foot of their marital bed. (Something sick there!!) Fred Rogers just touched on how children take relationships with those on TV as REAL. I can attest to that! MD would undress me for bed (yes, I remember eating my dinner night after night in my PJ's - she could not WAIT until I was out of the way!!) and she did it RIGHT IN FRONT of Howdy Doody and the Peanut Gallery and Buffalo Bob Smith!!! I was horrified!! I would grab for my clothing, trying to save some dignity, but got a vicious beating instead...night after night. Fists, a wire coat hanger, the hair brush, all usually followed. My father was on his way home, "SO STOP IT!!" So nightly I was beaten, he knew nothing about it (or so he said), I had been already conveniently put to bed, bruised up and in my child's mind violated in the most degrading sense, and then they sat down to a quiet dinner and later TV, happy and content. Real Ozzie and Harriet kind of stuff!

The Howdy Doody Show came on TV in Dec. 1947, when I was only a yr. old (I'm a true Boomer) and MD was 18. Her brand new home (the cottage in the back yard on my grandparent's property - built for her by my father in 1947-8 and paid for by my grandparents) had all new furniture and a TV set! He was making around $75-100/day, and they were stuffing it into a dresser drawer! Making that kind of money was heard of in those days, but my now WWII veteran father had a really good business going with a buddy from his childhood and the money was pouring in!

MD (and my Aunt M) had been adopted by my doting grandparents a mere 11 years before. She got married at 16 and had me 13 months later. I was her anchor baby...but not a very welcome one since I wasn't a B-O-Y! (When did I miss that office memo on what my sex was supposed to be??! ) She made it VERY clear to me that I WAS UNWELCOME and a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT to her!! My dad was crazy about me, but what I didn't "get" at the time (being an innocent little kid and all) was that ANY attention that I got was LESS attention to HER. Oh no! That would never do! That was HER house, HER husband!! And I was an unwelcome interloper! And then 10 yrs. later, my brother showed up, and I was discarded. Not thrown into the street at 10 or anything, but openly SHUNNED! She became my resentful caretaker, loathing any care that she had to administer to me. And now she felt that she could abuse me in the open without any fear of reprisal or taunts of being a "bad mother". AND SHE DID!! AT EVERY CHANCE SHE GOT! "What a horrible child/teenager/PERSON [Honey] IS!! But I have to put up with her." And of course, there's the, "Why can't she be pretty like ME?!!" I was (in her mean girl eyes) "The Competition"!

And it still irks me! Hence, the anger. But seeing the kindness and universal love of Fred Rogers hit me elsewhere, right in my hungry heart and the longing to be accepted, and that started those ancient, soul-deep tears again. To admit that to myself is actually difficult because it shows to me my vulnerability, but it explains a LOT of my neediness over the years, although I've tried and tried to overcome that. Tonight I saw him gently reassure a child that just because his toy dog's ear came off in the washer, the child's ears would not do that. Nor would any other body part. Little children think like that. But MD would "pull off my nose"...and I believed her! And it wasn't just a gentle teasing, she got GLEEFUL PLEASURE terrifying me! What a narcissistic MONSTER!

But that is such ancient old crap. Every time I get triggered like this, I dump it on here and walk away. Tonight kind of amazed me, though. I've always asked, "Why do I cry when I feel love/loved?" Or when someone shows me kindness or any other positive expressions of belonging or worth. And I am beginning to see that it's because I have wanted them for myself for so long, but felt it necessary (for even survival) to quash or deny them! I have more of the movie to watch. It's sort of like the antithesis of Mommie Dearest. I would really be happy to be healed up a bit more by the late Fred Rogers, ♥bless him♥!

May I conquer "learned helplessness" once and for all...and ASAP!!!

Honeybera

[honeybera]

Hey dancingfish! Sorry I didn't properly answer your excellent post last night. I really needed to write and address that Mr. Roger's special movie over on PBS and the emotions it brought up in me first. My reaction to hearing that I was special as a human being and deserved love struck a nerve. You also are special as a human being and you deserve love, too, as we all are and do, no matter what age we are, so here goes...

Aw honeybera, you're doing so great! And even reaching out for help or extra equipment where it suits you, too - that's such a good idea. We don't have to tackle all these things on our own with our bare hands! Especially heavy bits of furniture and entire yards full of invading plants.

Well, I used to be able to do this all by myself, but I now have some considerable limits to my own strength and have had to learn to let go of certain tasks that I just can't do anymore. Trouble is, oftentimes there is no help available. I suppose I could join a church or something, but that would be for all the wrong reasons. I'd feel like I was simply joining for helpers and like treating God as Yelp dot com. I do miss having more family help, but oh well. I'm very used to that! So I have to rely solely on my DS, and that is a bit more than he can take from time to time. Besides, all this physical work that is left to me is actually beneficial to me...in the long run and as long as I can do it. Once I can't, who knows what will happen? But that is a bleak thought and something that I just can't and shouldn't dwell upon.

understand that parting with your licence, which was such a big part of your life for so long, might be tricky. But hey, there's nothing saying you can't go take those tests and pick it back up again in the future if you want to. For any ol' reason. It's just not what you're doing for now, perhaps.

Nah, once that Commercial License is gone, it's GONE GONE! You have no idea what I went through to get it. I doubt if I could even pass their rigors again, nor would I want to. I just tried to contact the DMV to find out how to switch to a regular license, but to no avail. I could do it online, but I'm over 70 and they are determined to complicate matters for me...and then it was precisely 4pm and they (in an automated phone call) hung up on me while I was on hold "for an agent". "There are no agents available to take your call." <click!!> Oh, that crazy DMV!! But tomorrow is another day. I need an answer as to how a 70+ yr. old (read: Methuselah's mother!) can end her Commercial License and change it to a regular driver's license. Simple question, isn't it? I just watched Zootopia the other day and was reminded of the DMV scene run by sloths: I had to laugh because it's so true! But I will persevere!

Sorry to hear about your pepper plants, how frustrating! I'm not sure what would chomp all the leaves off, either. Hope that enough of your other plants and trees are doing nicely to make up for it, though.

I am studying to see what might have done that and I believe that it may be the elusive CUTWORMS! I've never had them before, so this is new to me. BIG BUSHY PEPPER PLANTS complete with nice bell peppers on them, cut down in one night! Literally CUT! Like someone had sliced off all the leaves just like that with a knife or scissors! Just sticks were surviving and the fruit intact, just hanging there oddly on stems. So sad!! THAT scene took the wind out of me! But I can't let that get me down. I've stopped watering again, but I have determined to get out there tonight and water the entire yard, my way of giving the naughty finger to all the vermin living out there!!!!!

BTW, I've also ordered some new rat traps for my yard. Yes, we have Norway rats living under our back fence, nice big FAT ones who have been eating our bird's seed. That is actually a GOOD thing! They are desensitizing themselves by eating so closely to our house and thereby ignoring our scent as a thing to avoid. I can SEE them eating at night up in our "food bird bath" right outside my door, mothers and babies, maybe 7-8 of them at one time in the actual bird bath while a dozen or more leap about, all skittish and nervous while stuffing their mouths full of bird seed and then running off like lightening! Mind you, they can't see me watching them, so they are cautiously emboldened! I put the Garden Glide on top of the bird bath for now so they can eat no more, but once those new rat traps come in, LOOK OUT, NELLIE!! They can have all they want! Just come close again and go for the bait. These traps are recommended by other gardeners on YouTube. I can close off the dog's accessibility into the garden area so they can't be hurt by these new traps, carefully bait the traps, and see how they work. I have high hopes. I'll keep you posted in case someone else is having this problem.

I'm reading along even if I've not been too chatty of late - do keep on keepin' on, it's so wonderful to read how you're doing! And even if there seems to be a little step back (ah sleep, it's so tricky to have a "good" routine for it!), you're right on it with kindness and forgiveness once again.

Thanks so much, ♥dancingfish♥! I actually believe that SELF forgiveness is important, too - in fact, the MOST important! MD never has and never will deserve my forgiveness, even though she already has it! BUT I first needed to slowly forgive myself and to understand that when I was brutally beaten and accused of everything that I had had no control over, THAT WAS NOT NOT NOT MY FAULT!!! It was ok to be a little kid, to make some errors, both in tact and in judgement. What little kid doesn't? It's how we learn.

Take good care now, and keep well despite those smoky skies!

Today when I checked the weather report on my phone it said that there is an "extreme heat warning" through next TUES. AND those nasty wavy lines indicting SMOKE so bad that I should not go out in it! Good grief! So I looked ahead, especially at the weather forecast for Sept. 14th, the day my new salvia will arrive. 88ºF!!!! EIGHTY EIGHT FLIPPIN' DEGREES!!! THERE IS A GOD!!!

So once the smoke clears away (and the yearly fires we have go out), I will be out there filling those 30 gallon pots and positioning them around the view from my WOW. Just today I had two (warring/chasing) hummers out there zipping around and not one nectar-filled blossom for them right here. But just wait until next Spring! OMG! I even got some hummer plants that bloom ALL YEAR ROUND, which should delight my hummers immensely! What amazing, yet tough, and colorful birds those hummers are!! Ah! There's one last big black bumblebee out there, too, just now. They should be gone soon to hibernate until next Spring and Summer. YAY! (I don't like those big black bees!!) But there will be big pots of salvia and cuphea (etc) for my beloved hummers, assuming that I do my work this wintertime. Always lots to do IF I wish to do it. OUT with the rats and IN with the new hummingbird plants! Yeah, my kind of "work"!

I loved what you wrote to me, {{{{dancingfish}}}}! Thanks again!

Honeybera

[honeybera]

Hopefully just one last nightmarish heat wave (currently predicted at 110ºF over the weekend ) until next Wed., then right around 100ºF for a week or so and after that, lowering steadily to 90ºF towards mid-month. This I can live with! I'm going to check with our donation center to see if they're open again from the COVID crisis. We're currently sort of in lock down mode in this state, but I just stay in my bedroom and know that it's the best I can do anyway...for now. Out here on the left coast I never know what to think about what's open or not, but I have a bunch of stuff (donations) in my way that I need to donate. They're currently in my car and the cab of my pickup waiting for the donation places/recycle facilities to reopen. I am grateful that I enjoy cooking (no reliance on restaurants or fast food!) and there's never a kid in this house. Ever. So no school worries, either. I've had my groceries all delivered to my front porch, so no worries there. In fact, we are extremely lucky here. We were set up for this a long time ago! I used to complain about how "isolated" I felt, but it actually had a silver lining: we are very self-contained already! I may start to venture out of my shell soon after this pandemic subsides.

DS is working this weekend. Days this time. I plan to begin on the garage while he's working. He assembled the garden tool cart for me, and I plan to use it right away to haul whatever I'm using that day around the yard. It should make life MUCH easier, especially putting my tools away after working out there. I used to just leave them in the yard, but not anymore. The smoke from all the wildfires is still keeping the gray skies around and the heat will be insane for the next several days and will also keep me inside, but next Wed. I HOPE the skies will turn blue once again and like I said before, the cooling will begin. I get my salvia on the 14th of this month. I need to weedeat out there, throw down some straw (weed control), start filling those 30 gallon SmartPots with potting soil so I will have them ready to go once my new stuff is delivered.

In the meantime, I can replant my Black and Blue salvias and my Wendy's Wish (pink), Purple Lighthouse, and Hot Lips salvias and even my long suffering and root bound fuchsias to those MUCH larger 30 gallon pots. I've got a TON of those pots! I've been watching videos on keto/fasting/weight loss and am beginning to realize that I need to MOVE more if I wish to lose weight. Not even all that much (3 hrs./wk), but I cannot remain as sedentary as I am. It's not good for me, and in the long run it's not even "easier". Things (illnesses) can sneak up on me. No, not good at all. Gardening just happens to be ideal "exercise" for me. But I need to do it, not shelter in place and watch it out the window. Besides, just think how nice it'll be for my precious hummers! I have purchased "hummingbird attractive" plants with a focus of having year-round blooms being available to the hummingbirds, even in the wintertime! Some of those plants actually do that! So I bought them. And they'll be here Sept. 14th! I just hope that over by the back fence isn't too hot for them in July and August. We'll see. I have shady areas, too...especially once I get the SmartPots all filled, the potting soil moved off the old rusted, sagging futon out there, and then throw out the futon. It's all in the shady area over in the dog's yard. Right now wasted space, but not for long!

I need to sleep for right now...

Honeybera

[dancingfish]

Thank you so much for your wonderful reply, Honeybera. It brightened up my day!

I don't have many words right now, but so glad to see you and all the things you realise are good for your self-care and healing journey. Cheering you on from over here!