Hey there...
I baked more Keto yeast bread today. It comes out better and better each time I do it. Same with the mayo (nice and thick and creamy and FULL FAT). Way better than the grocery store brands! Add a hamburger (or cheeseburger) between one or two homemade bread slices and topped with a nice pickle (dill or sweet since they do make them without regular sugar and use Splenda or erythritol instead), some lettuce, bacon, even avocado, onion, and tomatoes, and that's one tasty burger!!
I'm really getting the hang of this WOE.
I don't know if I'm losing weight or not, but it really doesn't matter anymore. I FEEL so much better! And there's so much room in my muumuus that the old muumuus sort of drape and bag on me anymore and are beginning to fall off my shoulders. I just ordered a new one last night because it was so darned cute with little dogs on it, but this time I got it in a 2x instead of the usual 3x. The ones I have now are just too big for me anymore. (NOT complaining!)
I'm still having a difficult time getting outside of my room or the kitchen and getting chores done. Sitting here at the computer is ok, but not even going into the garage is ok anymore, and I can SEE what I'd LIKE to do with the garden/backyard area, but I just look at it and THINK instead. I have it all planned out, but I can't get it done by just THINKING about it. I've paid my bills, done the dishes, made the bread, dreamed about how to prune up the yard, even been copying down recipes again, but I can't seem to get out of my own way and get BUSY. I putter, and I even get things done, like the small chores listed above, but there's SO MUCH to be done. I thought today that maybe I should just quit trying to manage the entire household finances PLUS do all the yard work outside, PLUS do
all the cooking and cleaning, PLUS reorganize the entire garage AND the computer room...and so on. Just like Mark Twain said, "The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks and then starting on the first one." (What a brilliant man!) It sounds like puttering to me, and it is all SLOWLY coming together. I guess eventually it will.
But from time to time it does get
quite overwhelming! I guess I have to just stop and forgive myself. I'd ask for help, but from whom and what could they really DO? No, this is organization, and either I do it or it doesn't get done. It's just going to take some time to do it and I have to remember to be very patient with myself.
====================================(writing again after a couple of weeks of being busy and also at peace in my life)
The front room has few to no extra boxes that need to be cut up, but DS has a TON of stuff in there from when he "cleaned his room". He did it so quickly by filling up the space in the front room with old clothes and his room's contents, and when I asked him if he wanted a second dresser, he said yes. So...I believe that I can
help him sort out what he needs and what can be donated and if he still feels he needs that second dresser, I'll get it for him. He's trying so hard to sort of "get it" when organizing; it's not a problem for me to help him achieve his goals, as long as it's not off putting to
him. He prefers being independent. He also has a BIG BUNCH of plastic individual drawers that just need to be cleaned off, filled up with all these clothes, etc. to be kept, and slipped under his new bed so he can access them. We'll get there eventually.
The kitchen is getting better, too. I was about to buy more airtight sealing canisters/containers for all the different flours and unusual ingredients I use nearly daily, but then I remembered the TWO FULL CABINETS FULL of the exact same thing I was going to buy on Amazon! I had already purchased it at 50% off many years ago when I was still working, and I stored my happy purchase away in the hobby room...and promptly forgot all about it!
So that gives me more room to store other stuff in those cabinets AND can save the expense of buying them AGAIN because these are just what I need. There's still a LOT to do, but I'm getting there.
I've gotten the bread making (and mayo making, etc.) down to a science! I make two loaves at a time, slice it up, and put it in the fridge - so now we can have sandwiches and toast, a real treat for us, AND it's extremely high in fiber and tastes great! We also are finding a real love of Keto pound cake which I make in many flavors (maple/walnut, spice, banana/nut, even chocolate), and there are many recipes available online that are really delicious. I have a piece of it as dessert with my OMAD. I'm making a nice Curry Chicken Salad today with celery slices (and a touch of
raisin extract for added flavor) and also a Mexican Chicken Enchilada soup. I'm finding the trick to be always having Keto items at the ready whenever I get actually hungry. It really helps. I'm about to make some Chocolate-Dipped Macaroons (my FAVORITE cookie ever!) since all the ingredients are Keto friendly. Again, only a couple as a dessert for dinner. Most Keto food is very filling and keeps me full for a LONG time!
I'm using my KitchenAid stand mixer more, too (like for my macaroons), and am about to address my monster of a Breville food processor! So many Keto recipes use them. I am allowing myself to buy the best, so why not familiarize myself with them...as friends. On America's Test Kitchen they recommend Breville, and I can see why, but these are some mighty machines!
(I also have a Breville toaster oven that actually fades my electric lights when it's turned on, so we don't turn it on...sadly.) I can make an exception for the food processor. It doesn't pull so much electricity (blessedly!) even though it is wicked powerful!!! I need it to "rice" my cauliflower, make dough, and so on. So that's next, just as soon as I label all my "new" canisters and finish clearing off the table completely and bringing in a chair from the garage. That all should be accomplished today!
I use some pretty unusual ingredients in my cooking (vital wheat gluten, oat FIBER [
not oat FLOUR], psyllium husks [ground and whole], coconut (flour, "chips", and shredded), almond flour, xanthan gum, inulin [
not insulin!], erythritol, and the list goes on). BUT not ONE BIT of sugar or grains or starch! Those items are like poison to me! So it's banana
flavored bread with real toasted walnuts. That sort of thing. I wish I had someone to share this with that was also on Keto.
===================================(watching Dr. Phil)
OMG, digging up MD AGAIN!
Dr. Phil put up a list called CHILDREN EXPOSED TO VIOLENCE IN THE HOME
MAY:
1. Exhibit violent, risky, or delinquent behavior
2. Run away
3. Engage in teenage prostitution
4. Commit sexual assault
5. Have depression, severe anxiety
6. Attempt suicide
7. Abuse drugs and alcohol
8. Have limited social skills, difficulty learning
DANG!
I've been affected SERIOUSLY by #s 1, 5, 6, and 8. I also abused food and cigarettes, so #7 as well? Daddy didn't "assault Mommy in front of me", but
MD assaulted
ME on a nearly daily basis, verbally, emotionally, MENTALLY, and absolutely PHYSICALLY. Boy oh boy, do I ever need to LET IT GO, beginning with MYSELF
first, absolving myself of any wrongdoing or blame considering what that woman (unfortunately my own mother) was doing to me. Things were
so different back then in the mid-1940s and the 1950s and 1960s when I was growing up. One had to be acting out violently and psychotically to get the attention of the courts for commitment. There were no T's to be visited on an outpatient basis. If a person had issues of some sort, it was to be taken up with a family member or clergy of some sort. I just muddled through somehow, riddled with guilt and shame until the 1970s and after my
2nd divorce. (Haven't been married since!
) MD made SURE to BLAME
ME alone for
both marriage failures! In 20/20 hindsight, it was so much more complicated than that! I was SO DESPERATELY UNPREPARED for LIFE, but once married, MD slammed the doors into
their lives behind me and LOCKED IT UP! Then they moved away to over here, 100 miles away, severing the ties to my family even further. I stayed behind in my home town, finally buying my home over here in 2001 (so I'd have a place for my DS to live) and permanently moving here myself when I retired several years later.
In the early years though, there wasn't much "mental health" available for people like me. I remember feeling like I was a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that wasn't there. Horrible feeling! Now I can maintain, but back then I had no idea of what was going on with me. Now I call it Complex PTSD, but back then it was just an intense internal confusion and MD loved to keep it going inside me to "make her feel better/superior" to me. She did this to ALL females in her life, but I was the most convenient and defenseless. Handy, I guess you'd say. When I was around 30, I heard of something called "anxiety" and "panic attacks" from my oldest son's court-appointed T, but there were no computers then, no internet, no Xerox (copy) machines, and not even many self help books in the library. This T showed me an article in a book and let me look at it...
briefly! That article began my own curiosity re: MD, and from that came the first glimmer of self forgiveness and self awareness and the climb out of the dark hole I was in. Slowly, slowly, over
many years I
understood what had happened to me and as it unraveled I became more determined to not allow MD to rule me and my life: "How much power are you going to give her?". My job as a bus driver when I was about 40 helped to give me much needed self respect and money. I am so much happier now! And grateful, too.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it's been. - Grateful Dead
Honeybera
(an imaginary gift box of whatever his heart desires)