Unwanted Cards

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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Squiggy
Member
Posts: 197
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 8:07 pm

Unwanted Cards

Post by Squiggy »

It has now been 13 years since I told my father that I never wanted to see him, speak to him, or hear from him again, and cut off all contact with him, but the worthless sack of shit continues to send me stuff in the mail once in awhile. By the time of year and the size and rigidity of the envelopes, I can deduce that they are probably Christmas cards and birthday cards. At first, I marked them "refused/return to sender" but he adapted by sending them without a return address. I could still recognize them by the handwriting, local postmark, or lack of a return address, though. "Refusing" them would only send them to the dead letter office and would be a waste of my time and the post office's, so I simply destroyed them unopened.

When I moved a few years back, I received nothing the first year, but it started again the following year. He apparently tipped to the fact that I had moved some time during the second year, and I'm told he even called my union hall and asked for my address. (They refused, privacy issue and all.) It's safe to assume he got it from some other source, maybe he asked someone who was willing to tell him, or maybe he just opened the phone book. I'm still curious about why he tipped then, though, and not earlier or later. I doubt he was watching specifically for something to happen or he would have noticed earlier, but he must have somehow got the idea that I had moved (or might have moved), because if he had just continued to send cards with no return address after the forwarding order had expired, they would go to the dead letter office and he might be none the wiser for years.

This past Christmas, another card arrived. This time his return address was on it. Had he simply forgotten to leave it off? Did he put it there hoping that I would pass up the opportunity to return it to him, which he might interpret as allowing for the possibility of being forgiven? Did he put it there because he was finally ready to face the fact that if I hadn't forgiven him in 13 years, I never would, and he would know for sure if it came back to him? Alternatively, did he underhandedly put it there as bait, hoping that I would return it and thereby confirm that the address he had was in fact correct? I didn't know, but I marked it "refused/return to sender" and sent it back.

Yesterday, I got another card - presumably a birthday card - with no return address. I destroyed it unopened once more. Receiving it made me very angry though, even more so than '09 when I started getting them again after the silence of '08, when I thought I might have ditched him. Will the stupid, hateful bastard never learn that I do not want to get his fucking cards??!! I will never forgive you, you useless, despicable old man, why don't you go and get cancer and die in agony??!

(sigh)

For the first time, I am considering trying to file some kind of official complaint - somewhere - to get the cards to stop, permanently. But where would I file such a complaint? Surely not the post office; I doubt they have any mechanism to recognize mail to block, especially without a return address. I'm also doubtful that this kind of thing would qualify for a no-contact order, since I would presumably have to convince a judge that he posed a threat, which he probably doesn't, not to mention it might not be worth the time and effort if it's a complicated process.

Does anyone know a simple and reliable way of getting the cards to stop, other than waiting for him to croak?
recover
Member
Posts: 16283
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 12:50 pm

Re: Unwanted Cards

Post by recover »

hi squiggy,
sorry i don't have answers for this...but i just wanted you to know i am reading and sending support to you.
take good care,
recover
quixote
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 1775
Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:14 am

Re: Unwanted Cards

Post by quixote »

Squiggy,
I don't have an answer for you either. Your wish to be left alone should be respected, however.
quixote
Squiggy
Member
Posts: 197
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 8:07 pm

Re: Unwanted Cards

Post by Squiggy »

I had to wait a long time - seven more years - since posting this thread, but I'm pleased to note that he didn't send me anything this year.

I'm unsure whether he's actually given up (as opposed to forgot), or why if so he picked this year to give up, but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Last edited by Squiggy on Sat Feb 06, 2021 11:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Unwanted Cards

Post by Chessgirl »

Squiggy,
I’m glad he is no longer bothering you with the cards. I can’t imagine how triggering that must have been for you! I went no contact with my family too, I’m better off for sure. If they were sending me crap in the mail, I’d lose it. I hope you can find some peace now.
Chessgirl
Genesis
Member
Posts: 634
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2018 7:31 am

Re: Unwanted Cards

Post by Genesis »

I’m so glad the cards stopped. I cannot imagine how triggering that must have been. If they start up again, I would contact authorities to help make it stop. You should not have to endure that.
Last edited by Harmony on Sat Feb 06, 2021 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited from MT to NT due to no triggering language nor content
~ Genesis 💔
Kokoschka
Member
Posts: 735
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am

Re: Unwanted Cards

Post by Kokoschka »

Squiggy,
I'm sorry but l loved the "worthless sack of shit" part. The more l love the fact that he finally stopped🙏

Kokoschka
Last edited by Jonesy on Tue Feb 09, 2021 8:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT, for profanity
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
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