Dreaming about your abusers

[Chessgirl]

Does anyone else dream about their abusers and family members of abusers? I am pregnant and I hve heard that pregnant women can have vivid and crazy dreams, but not sure if that’s a wives tale. It happened before pregnancy I think too. Lately I have so many dreams about my mother and father who I have not spoken to in almsot 3 years. Some of the dreams, are about my mom trying to take my daughter from me or ruin something for me and I have to get away from her or protect myself from her. Other dreams she’s a good mom which is so weird. In them, she is kind and unlike anything she ever was to me in real life. Buying me new things for my house or there with me playing with my kids or helping me. Same with my dad. I have these dreams where he is a good father, well intended. I also have frequent dreams about my grandparents who passed away several years ago. I honestly try to live my life focusing on the people I have in my life NOW. The family I have created. I try not to think about these old family members very much but they keep showing up in my dreams. Is this common? Do y’all have strange dreams about your parents or abusers ?

[greendreamdays]

Do y’all have strange dreams about your parents or abusers ?

Chessgirl,

Yes. When I learn to set new boundaries I will have dreams about my abusive ex-stepdad. I haven't seen him in years. In my dreams I will be standing up to him. Pushing him away when he tries to touch me. Yelling, telling him to back off until he does. These dreams usually come out of the blue even when I'm not consciously thinking about the abuse during the day, but by setting healthy boundaries with myself I'm rewriting those old programs installed by the abuse. I think those dreams dreams are just the brain's way of processing the new information we are incorporating. Maybe the dreams in which your parents are kind reflect your brain processing how you are re-parenting yourself, reflecting how things should have been rather than how they were?

[Chessgirl]

That’s very interesting! Thanks for your feedback. It makes a lot of sense!

[Eagle]

Hi Chessgirl

Interesting topic. I learned from therapy and reading up on it that dreams are from information still stored in our frontal cortex. Some experiences, like those that cause PTSD, are so dramatic that our brain has been unable to put them to bed in long term memory. That’s why we keep reliving them when they are triggered and/or see them in dreams. Dreams are part of the way the brain is trying to put other memories with those bad ones so they can be defused and moved to long term memory and not keep resurfacing. This is suppose to happen in RIM sleep. I too have recurring dreams that I would rather not see, but I know the brain is doing it’s best to put them away. And yes, some of them are mixtures of things I wish to forget mixed with things I wish had happened. If you have ever done EMDR, you work with the therapist to do what the brain is trying to do while you sleep. It’s trying to associate those bad memories with more “logical” thoughts to put them away. The EMDR did wonders for me. Now, when I have bad ones that wake me I will let them flow and while awake, give myself better thought about those events to counter them and go back to sleep. It seems to help some and reduce the ones that keep popping up all the time. Hope that helps.

Eagle

[Chessgirl]

Oh wow you explained that in such a helpful, easy to understand way. Thanks Eagle! I can’t wait to get back in therapy so I can work on EDMR. If you don’t mind me asking, are you taking in medication for anxiety/depression as well? Trying to figure out if I need therapy and medication or just one or other.

[Eagle]

Not taking any meds, unless you consider as I do that nicotine is sort of a med. Patches or vaping. From what I learned from the doctor and therapy, I don’t have a condition that requires meds. In other words, I don’t have an underage or overage of particular neurotransmitters. What I have is SPS (sensory processing sensitivity) which will cause me to get overstimulated and burn through all of them (neurotransmitters) too quickly. Remedy is try to slow down and let the mind rest a bit and get recharged. My condition also has a dietary component to it so I have to stay away from those things that will cause my system to launch into overdrive. Things like caffeine, sugar, alcohol etc. you know……all the fun things. That’s about it. Diet control and nicotine seem to keep me on an even keel.

Eagle

[Chessgirl]

That’s interesting Eagle! I do not know much about SPS but it sounds similar to what I struggle with. I can definitely relate to the diet component. If I drink coffee or too much sugar or caffeine, it can be a real problem for me. It can actually cause me to have a full on panic attack. Maybe I do not need the medication either. I think getting back in therapy might need to be the first step for me. Thanks for your feedback! Very helpful as always.

[Eagle]

You’re very welcome. For full disclosure, SPS is not considered a medical or psychological condition. SPS (Sensory Processing Sensitivity) is a genetic variation……approximately 20% of all living creatures have. That’s humans and all other creatures. That’s the scientific acronym for it. The Psychological acronym for us humans is HSP (Highly or Hyper Sensitive Person. If you want to read up on it there is a book by Ph.D. Elaine N. Aron who coined the term HSP. It should be in the reading section in the forum. Quite interesting book. Since it is a genetic variation and not a disorder, it’s basically an integral part of who we are. It presents some unique problems for us, but it also gives us some wonderful characteristic that can make life wonderful for us once we understand how we process the world around us and what we can do with it. For us, everything is amplified. An example would be we feel emotional pain more than others and we are sort of stuck with that, but we also feel love, hope, caring and many more wonderful feelings at a level others can only dream of. We just have to understand how it works and how to amplify the positive parts of it while trying to minimize the down side. It has given me a great sense of self and a better understanding of who I am. I’ll have to admit, life still isn’t perfect, but now I seem to be able to understand how and why my brain gets into an overwhelming death spiral sometimes and why it’s so hard for me to let things go that hurt me. I’m sure I’ll be working on it the rest of my life, but now I feel I have the tools and understanding to keep it from dragging me into an abyss of despair. Basically, I’ve got my happy face on most of the time now.

Eagle