Sharing my abuse

[Chessgirl]

I had a rough day yesterday and saw on my fiancé’s FB, several family members and friends had “liked” and “loved” my parents FB post about my nephews first communion. It made me really upset.... these people are criminals and child abusers and yet they are still adored and respected by so many. Idk if any of you have seen the woody Allen vs. Mia Farrah doc about how their daughter Dylan shared her story of abuse at the hands of Woody Allen. She shared her story and yet America was still in love with Woody Allen expressing their praise of him openly. I can imagine sort of how Dylan night feel. It hurts when your abusers are praised openly and publicly.... so something in me snapped this morning and I forwarded a copy of my abuse story to my brothers wife’s mother. I’m scared and don’t know how she will respond. She hates my parents and has sent me private messages in the past expressing her frustration with them. This, might come as a shock to her but she seems like a person who will believe me. I hope I did not make a poor decision here. I asked her to please not share this story with my parents, as they are not safe and I’m afraid of what they might do. Is it ok to share your abuse story with family members or does this make me an attention seeker? I swear it feels like I hve different “parts” at time that just kind of snap. Something snapped in me this morning when I sent that and I do feel I was dissociated when I zombie-Ishly sent off the email. Sigh...

[Tryingtostayafloat]

You are not an attention seeker.
You were triggered and you feel invalidated and I'm sorry your experiencing that.
I'm here with you chess girl. It hurts so much to see how people just see what they want, even when they know the truth.
I really hope your sister inlaw gets back to and responds appropriately to your abuse and supports you as you should have been supported your whole life.
I get what you mean about feeling disacociated in sending the email, in a daze. That your alters snapp into place. I too notice after. Like that wasn't quite me but still me but an automatic response.

Tryingtostayafloat

[Chessgirl]

Thank you tryingtostayafloat,

I appreciate your support and validation. Unfortunately no one responded back. My fiancé warned me I might not get a response. I was hoping for some acknowledgment but I realize I may not get that. At least my side of the story is out there though...

[dancingfish]

Hey Chessgirl, I think you are brave and reacting to not wanting all the silence and secrecy about your story. It's a way of shedding the shame we might carry that belongs to them, the abusers. Understand feelings of seeing abusers not held accountable, generally liked and praised even. It can hurt a lot.

I'm not sure what response you may receive, but a pause can be many things. Consideration of you and how best to reply, for starters. :) Sitting with you if you'd simply like some company, and I hope the hyperemesis is being... well, less!

[Chessgirl]

Hey dancingfish,

Thank you for validating me and also for reminding me that a pause could mean different things. The hyperemesis is better. My doctor has me on a combo of vitamin B and unison which strangely, after building up in ones system after several day’s begins to work like a charm. I am surprisingly much better. Still nauseous but able to keep food and drinks down! I appreciate your input so much!

[penguin]

I know it is difficult when you make yourself vulnerable and share something so personal with someone and then don't get an answer. It leaves you questioning yourself and thinking of all the possibilities. I hope that you get a response that you are looking for soon and can take a breath of relief. On a side note, I'm reading a book right now and it had a line that really stuck with me. "Who decides what you think that people think about you? You do." It has reminded me that I can choose what I believe people think of me until they show me different. So I can tell myself that they think well of me/believe me/want to support me until they show me otherwise. Which doesn't happen nearly as much as it does in my head.

So glad to see you are feeling better! Hope it continues to help. B6 and unisom were very helpful to me with morning sickness. I still take unisom on occasion to help me sleep.

[Chessgirl]

Hey penguin,

That is a great line. Thank you for sharing with me. Still, no response and I can’t help but feel if she cared or believed me, I’d get something. I wish I could believe she believed me but it’s hard. Yeah the b and unison have helped but I still have some rough days but it’s getting so much better! I appreciate your input

[Chessgirl]

The more I think about it, the more angry I actually get. I mean even if you don’t believe my story of abuse, can’t you see I’m suffering and don’t have a family? Wasn’t my email brave? I mean you would think anyone would think I at least deserve a response ? I just don’t understand ...

[Chessgirl]

I guess I need help understanding the different reasons a person may have for not responding. Dancingfish pointed out that a pause could mean different things. What If the person just never responds? I figured maybe she showed the email to her daughter (my brothers wife) who could have vehemently denied all of it and insisted I was a liar and trouble maker. She may have told her not to respond or entertain my BS story.... that’s one possibility. It could also be that she did not want to respond and have her response be used against her. Like maybe she was afraid I may try to show my family that she’s “on my side” which could result in her not being allowed to see her grandchildren. My fiancé says some people simple don’t want to get involved. I still don’t really fully understand why someone would choose not to respond to an email sharing ones abuse. Any thoughts?

[Tryingtostayafloat]

Hi Chessgirl,

That's really hard, I'm sorry you haven't had a response. That's really sucks. I don't have any thoughts only that I am here with you.
I had different responses from different people and anyone who is worth being in my life, was there for me. They had no pause because there is a side when it comes to abuse. And everyone should be on your side, the same as they should have been on mine. But some people just don't want to see what they don't want to see.

I'm sorry that's happened to you.

I hope your proud you gave your inner child her voice. You are standing up for yourself and showing up for yourself.

Sending hugs

Tryingtostayafloat