"I'll bang your heads together"

[Crow]

It's a phrase that I thought was exclusive to my brother and I... seems it's actually a figure of speech though.

This was something literal for us...

I can remember being maybe six years old. And I can remember being maybe 13 years old. (And every age in between and beyond.) Age wasn't a barrier for her.

My brother and I were talking the other day, and as only twins can do so accurately and so often, we start to say what the other was about to say, and often something not in context to the conversation either. He mentioned that very phrase to me.

He remembers that sickening sound... that sickening feeling... the pain was different.

We'd be playing loudly as little boys do together. Or we'd be arguing as brothers do also. (But when so often you must be seen and not heard it is no wonder she would be so horrible.)
She'd yell aggressively from the other room, or downstairs if we were upstairs, and say "I'll bang your bloody heads together!"

Then, all of a sudden... she would appear out of nowhere... we would be engrossed in our game with our toys, giggling, being boisterous, or arguing... whichever, it didn't matter. She would grab each of us by our hair (it felt like she was tearing our hair out... I can feel the pain now) and pull us close together so that we were both looking her in the face - heads side by side... she would have such an angry look on her face, yell at us, and then pull our heads apart, and then swiftly bang our heads together... release her grip and we'd either fall onto the floor crying, or as we were older we would stand clutching our heads, and she stand over us or in front of us, yell something that I could never make out because if the immense pain and ringing in my ears, and leave us in a mess on the floor, consoling each other.

Horrible, abusive, pathetic excuse of a person!

I'm sorry... I just needed to put this down in writing somewhere.

Crow

[Crow]

I'm sitting staring at a photo of my brother and I... we must be four years old, maybe three... we may be at a playgroup or reception class taster or something, I don't know. I remember our outfits that we are wearing in that photo so clearly too.
We are clearly observing something or someone/others because we are looking out of the frame away from and past the camera. What breaks my heart is that in the photo we are stood huddled closely against a wall with one of us part hiding behind the other, and we both have very anxious and uncomfortable expressions on our faces. It's as if we don't know how to interact with others or are petrified of something. It is sad.
What gets me when I look at that photo (or indeed any other photo of myself and my brother as children), is how people can be cruel and heartless to children. I see that picture of us both and cannot fathom how someone can do what I have described in my post...

Stop dwelling Crow... look forward not back.

[Chessgirl]

Hey crow,

I couldn’t finish reading everything in the post about your mom banging your heads together. It made me feel sick to imagine someone doing that to children. I’m just so sorry you went through all that!

[Chessgirl]

Want to clear up my last post on here. I didn’t mean you make me sick, I meant to say what your mother did to you makes me sick. Sick to imagine someone doing that to innocent children. You are right, it is hard for me to imagine someone being this heartless to children. So helpless and naive. It’s just unfair and hateful. I’m sorry you are having to process these memories crow. You are doing an amazing job with it all

[Crow]

Hi Chessgirl,

It's okay. I didn't read it in any way other than the way you intended it. Really feel like I wish I could just forget it all. It's in the past so why bother thinking about it?! My brother kind of has the right idea, just looking at it as facts, detached from any emotion.

Crow

[MerryRose]

I'm sorry, Crow. That's just cruelty for no reason.

It seems so unjust to me that adults who cannot cope well, or who are mentally or physically unwell can, by virtue of being adults, take jr out on children for being children. It's wildly unfair and damaging.

I'm sorry that you and your brother had to endure that.

[Crow]

Thanks MerryRose.

Crow