Tinnitus

[Crow]

Tinnitus...

That combination of ringing and white noise...

Recently I have started to have an unwanted connection between that noise and memories.
A daily reminder of that horrible sound that came a split second after the first blow to the head that I experienced more times than I can remember each day. Every time without fail, whether I saw it coming or it was suddenly sprung on me. Just once or multiple times... that moment of impact... shock, pain, blackness, hearing gone for a moment, and then... ringing, whooshing, white noise.

Each day I wake to the sound of tinnitus.
Each day is a reminder of things I'd like to forget.

Crow

[Chessgirl]

Oh crow that’s awful. I don’t know much about tinnitus but it sounds miserable. I can see how that would bring you right back to those moments. Sitting with you.

[MerryRose]

I'm sorry that you were subjected to that, Crow.

[Crow]

Thank you Chessgirl and MerryRose.

I've had tinnitus to a degree as far back as my teens, and always wondered if it was brought on by constant stress and trauma in my childhood, or as a result of the physical abuse. It may be a combination of factors. It could be that it was passed on from my mum, as she also suffers with tinnitus. It certainly got worse following having meningitis aged 25.
It may even be in part due to high volume listening to music in headphones as a child to drown out the chaos and escape to another place mentally.
It's certainly louder and more bothersome when I am more stressed. It's also started to affect me more after exercise.

Loads of people have it. But I don't know why recently I've started to connect that noise in the present to past events.
I mean, you must remember as a kid having a football hit you in the head or face at school...? That sudden sound in your head following impact... that's what I'm talking about...

Crow