On the Chessboard 2021

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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Chessgirl
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Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by Chessgirl »

Hey kokoschka,
I think you have it in you. You seem creative and artistic to me. I think it’s one of those things that takes a lot of practice and dedication. I do it once every several months or even years so I never really improve. It is so therapeutic though. I have a lot of artists in my family as well. Would like to give a go at photography sometime. That is neat about your dad being into art. Do you have some of his work still?
Chessgirl
dancingfish
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Posts: 1303
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by dancingfish »

Just wanted to wish you a whole bundle of care and support, Chessgirl! You're doing so much to recognise what you want for yourself and how to get there. :) Cheering you on!

Also, I love your artwork! The lady walking home one - I'd happily have that up on my wall, it's super. :)
Chessgirl
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Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by Chessgirl »

Hey dancingfish,

Thanks for cheering me on! That really does mean a lot. Also thanks for the compliments on the walking home painting. That one took me what seemed like forever to finish. I keep saying I’m gonna paint again but never do. In a lot of ways, painting was easier for me than drawing.
Chessgirl
Kokoschka
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Posts: 735
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by Kokoschka »

Thanks Chessgirl for believing in my hidden artistic talents 🌝. If l do have any l must have a huge "artistic block" because l don't even feel the need🙄. I used to love and admire graphic illustrations. Aubrey Beardsley to name one artist did beautiful stuff.

Any painters you are into?

We still do have a couple of my father's paintings that we brought with us when we moved here. But other than that nothing much remains. It was a really bad time back then.

Wishing you a peaceful day, Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
Chessgirl
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Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by Chessgirl »

Kokoschka,
No artists names I can think of that I’m into. I should really brush up on my art history. I remember loving that class in college although I’ve forgotten it all. I’ve had a couple local favorites in my city but I don’t think you would know of them. I will have to look up Beardsley. Hope you are having a pleasant day :)
Chessgirl
Chessgirl
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Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by Chessgirl »

I’m having a rough weekend... we went to Disney on ice last night. It was fine except I left my phone in the car, although I did not realize I did. I thought I left it in the bathroom or something. It put a damper on the night. Then we discovered I left it in the car. We got home and I lost my phone again somewhere in the house. Both times my fiancé got annoyed with me and said he doesn’t understand how I could lose my stuff so much. Then I’ve had a migraine for days. He told me last night he thinks I have the symptoms of celiac disease- forgetfulness, migraines, fatigue, foggy mind. This infuriated me because we have spent a fortune on my doctor who is working on a c-PTSD diagnosis for me. She told me she thinks I definitely have symptoms related to complex trauma, like forgetfulness and dissociating and migraines and sleeplessness. I’ve told my partner all about this but it’s like he doesn’t believe me? Celiac disease? I mean, maybe I just need to calm down but this really upset me and made me feel discouraged. It really derailed me. He’s been triggering too. Reminds me of my parents. Blaming me for things that are, to a certain extent, beyond my control. Needed to come here and vent.
Chessgirl
Chessgirl
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Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by Chessgirl »

These are the symptoms of c-PTSD

feelings of shame or guilt
difficulty controlling your emotions
periods of losing attention and concentration (dissociation)
physical symptoms, such as headaches, dizziness, chest pains and stomach aches
cutting yourself off from friends and family
relationship difficulties
destructive or risky behaviour, such as self-harm, alcohol misuse or drug abuse
suicidal thoughts

So why wouldn’t he just believe me and my doctor and my t, rather than assuming it’s something like celiac disease?
Chessgirl
Crow
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Posts: 1434
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 12:22 pm

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by Crow »

Chessgirl,

I've read your posts and I hear your frustration and how upset you are. I don't really have any words that will help you right now, but want you to know that I believe you.
I'm not sure why your partner can't understand and listen to you. But I also appreciate the it must be hard and confusing for him supporting you, but that doesn't mean he should invalidate you.
As I say, not got my head in the right place to find any meaningful words right now.
I'll just sit with you if that's okay?

Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by Chessgirl »

Thanks for sitting with me crow. He and I have kind of discussed it and I have calmed down. He admitted that he would like it to be something physical, like celiac disease, because that would make it easier to “fix”. Unfortunately what I have and what I believe you suffer from to, is complex trauma and it is a life sentence. For me, all of the issues I have, even the substance abuse, all go back to one thing- the damaging and traumatic childhood I had. Once I was able to see that, everything became easier. My sobriety became easier. I stopped taking adderal for concentrating because I realized the trouble concentrating was just dissociation. Literally all my issues became more understandable and easier to manage. I told him that I need him to either be 100% on board with my complex trauma or not in my life at all. I know that sound harsh but my sobriety and health requires it. He understood all this and understood how he might have been triggering this morning and last night. I guess we needed to have this conversation. Thanks for listening crow.
Chessgirl
dancingfish
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Posts: 1303
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:39 pm

Re: On the Chessboard 2021

Post by dancingfish »

Sounds like you've had a good and healthy conversation with your partner, Chessgirl. :) Well done, it's not always that easy to do I think, but you did - and you'll both continue to grow and support each other, I'm sure. :)

As a side note I had years of food intolerances/IBS I tried dealing with in different ways, but eventually the one thing that solved (most of) it was... *drum roll* counselling to deal with past trauma and ongoing abuse! (Not that this may necessarily be the case for anyone else, but it was for me.) So actually having the one main 'thing' to tackle that can change over time (I know, it's still a lot and takes work!) seems easier to me than dealing with the intricacies of a lifelong gluten allergy such as celiac. ;) I understand how something "physical" can seem easier to deal with and work with though, especially perhaps for someone who hasn't experienced or understood trauma before, particularly in(?) a loved one. (I'm sorry, I can't seem to make that sentence any better! ;D)

Hearing you that it's hard, and there are frustrating times. Cheering on your wonderful way of working through those too though! Take good care of yourself, that deserves some celebration and a pat on the back! :)
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