On the Chessboard 2021

[Chessgirl]

Crow,

It is perfectly understandable for you to have dumpEd it all on them, in my eyes. I mean they are your aunt and uncle, the next closest thing you have to parents. Even if they aren’t close with you, they are family. Having to carry something like this is hard and unfair. I’m sure your uncle was just uncomfortable as this kind of info does bring discomfort. Even if you did not get to tell them about your dads role in all of it, It doesn’t look good on him (as the other parent for not protecting you). I’m sure they have wondered how your dad could allow it.

My aunt emailed me back. She wants to meet or at least has agreed to it. I hope I don’t regret opening this can of worms. Sometimes I will start something in an impulsive emotional moment and then get frustrated with myself for having to carry out with it. I’m really hoping this is a positive thing.

[Crow]

Hey Chessgirl,

I'm glad your aunt has agreed to meet you, that does sound like a positive step. I know many of us have said this before, but please let her know your expectations when you decide to tell her... if you want to tell it all and then have her respond, or if you don't mind her interrupting and asking questions as you go. Just make sure you're prepared that's all

Crow

Edit: To correct grammar and correct use of 'your/you're'.

[Chessgirl]

Right! Good idea, thanks crow!

[coconuts]

You arent trapped in this decision. Really you could just meet for a nice cuppa. If you dont feel like actually telling her in that moment that's okay. If you do, that's okay too. YOU get to make this choice.
Umm for once in my life Im short on words. There are lots of other thoughts in the form of feelings tumbling around in my head but I cannot find the right words.
Coconuts

[Chessgirl]

Thank you for easing my nerves about this coconuts. Also it’s ok to not always have words! I totally understand that.

[Crow]

Hi Chessgirl,

I hope today with your Aunt went well, regardless of whether you told her the truth of what you went through, or just had refreshments and a catch up.
Thinking of you.

Crow

[Chessgirl]

Hey crow,

Yes it went well! I told her everything... starting with how I sought therapy after I had my daughter. I discovered in therapy that I was an alcoholic and I was very angry. I told her I wanted to find the root of my anger and also why I was an alcoholic. I then explained the root of my pain is the abuse I went through. She listened. I cried and shook trembling the whole time. She said she was never able to get close with my mom because my mom was obsessed with high society groups like junior league and the garden club where rich socialite housewives get together and gossip. She said she always knew there was something odd with my mom. She said she doesn’t understand women like that because she had a loving mother. She said she did believe me. She said my dad tells her all the time he hopes I “come around”. She said my dad won’t ever agree to meet with me alone without my mom because he has always worshipped my mother. We talked about how my dad is also abused by my mom. She didn’t know how to help but she invited us to go with them to church next weekend and I agreed. I told her about my spirituality. She said she would tell my dad I do love and miss him but I can’t have a relationship with my mom. I just can’t. I feel so glad I was able to explain everything. I had to clear up the rumors about me being a liar and drug addict. It feels so good! I’m so glad I did it. I’m not expecting anything out of this. Not expecting my aunt to reunite me with my dad.
Not expecting to have a huge support from any of them. I don’t care.I’m just glad I had the conversation. I couldn’t have done this without the suppprt of I survive. Thanks for checking in crow! This really felt like a break through for me.

[Crow]

Yay Chessgirl! So empowering! I am so pleased for you. And whatever happens going forward, you are not responsible for other people's feelings or reactions to this down the line. You took a huge and very brave step. You spoke your truth and it has made you feel good.

I feel so glad I was able to explain everything. I had to clear up the rumors about me being a liar and drug addict. It feels so good! I’m so glad I did it. I’m not expecting anything out of this.

A long time coming, and I can almost feel your excitement in your words through my screen. Really happy for you.

Make some time for you now... look after your needs and let your emotions settle. Have some relaxation time!

Crow

[Chessgirl]

Thanks crow! Yeah I’m in bed now watching a movie lol it took a lot out of me. I threw up before I went in the restaurant. It’s scary standing up for yourself! Hope you and your family are doing well. I have to admit, your post about speaking up for yourself and writing in to the council really helped inspire me to take this step for myself. Thanks for everything!

[coconuts]

Everything crow said. I'm so glad that you feel strengthened by this interaction. That you found your voice. Like crow said, what they do with your story is not up to you. But telling it was. You owned it, with strength and dignity. Not just the hurt you recieved but also the struggles you've had to overcome and that you still work to over come.
I do hope that the anxiety subsides and a peace settles in as well as an emboldened spirit knowing you deserve goodness.