Is anyone else dealing with extreme anxiety after an emotionally abusive relationship??

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justanotherperson
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2020 8:58 am

Is anyone else dealing with extreme anxiety after an emotionally abusive relationship??

Post by justanotherperson »

Me and my ex broke up about three months ago and I can't seem to get over it. I do not feel I love him anymore as I see the cycle he had put me though, and how much it has effected me emotionally and physically. From all of his actions to me I have no other way to view him than a covert narcissist, he love bombs me over and over and discards me as if I am nothing. Now that I am aware of his patterns I am scared of what will happen if I ever see him in public, twice he has discarded me and erased me from his life but when he sees me in public he can't help but to approach me as if we are best friends. After he has forgotten me and sees me again, he has a habit to make sure I know of his presence by waving at me in my face (when I am making it obvious that I am ignoring him) to be nice to me again and it just confuses me, as he'd block me on social media and try to be my friend in real life.

we live in a small town, he lives close to me, and we work in the same field, I want to stay in my home town but I have a deep fear of the next time he will love bomb me again and put me in a worse situation next time. Or possibly dealing with the fact that he may never reach out to me again and I'm forever stuck in this state of never ending anxiety/anticipation. Everyone I have talked to has told me to give it time or just ignore him in public, but the other times he has discarded me I did ignore him and it just felt as if he does it to get an reaction out of me. The first discard we had the same class and I would purposely ignore him but he was persistent in getting my attention and kept stopping by my desk over and over I eventually caved and I am scared I will again, because I want to believe he is a good person but I know he is selfish and only wants me on his terms.

This leads me to my last problem on why I can not let it go, he presents himself as a nice guy who volunteers and helps out in any way he can but behind closed doors he has berated, intimidated, guilt tripped me, held me as an emotional victim (as they tried to blame me for them wanting to commit suicide), and gaslit me to the point of breaking down and crying multiple times during any situation I did not act the way he wanted me too. I know I have slipped up twice and reacted when I should not have gave in, and I know with all my heart that he is playing the victim to his friends and family and ultimately smearing my name. As much as I know it should not bother me It does, his friends work at the stores I frequent and they are in the same field of work as us; the embarrassment/shame of the situation feels inescapable and one of our mutual friends has since distanced themselves from me which hurts as I knew them longer than my ex. This whole situation has made me feel unmotivated and reclusive, I just want to disappear/give up and not think of this person anymore, but it is deeply effecting my performance in school and I am just getting by is anyone else feeling the same? I feel like I can't be the only one.
Last edited by Harmony on Sun Mar 07, 2021 1:42 am, edited 4 times in total.
Reason: edited from ST to NT due to no triggering language nor content
Harmony
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Re: Is anyone else dealing with extreme anxiety after an emotionally abusive relationship??

Post by Harmony »

Hi Justanotherperson,
Welcome to isurvive. This is a place where there are lots of very nice people who grew up in abusive situations as child. Most of us are learning to be thrivers in our lives. I am sure some members have had similar situations to yours. Someone will likely be around soon.

nice to meet you,
Harmony
Last edited by Harmony on Thu Mar 04, 2021 8:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: opps misspelled my own name
there
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Re: Is anyone else dealing with extreme anxiety after an emotionally abusive relationship??

Post by there »

It seems tough if You live near him, and know other people in common.
Hard to avoid him or the situation in your outside life.
When I've been EA'd, VA'd, the things said and done to me have had an outsized presence. They have taken up lots of my attention and thinking..

In general, I have needed to find solutions for the anxiety. They include meditation, medication, qigong, energy work, exercise, talking with other people, challenging my thoughts, sharing here.

Hope it starts to feel less fearsome and you feel safer.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
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