Retaliatory mother
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Retaliatory mother
There’s something I kind of want to address. I feel absolutely nuts and as if I’m an attention seeker whenever I tell Anyone this. It sounds so over the top and unbelievable that I don’t think anyone would believe me. Without getting into everything, I’ll just say that when I became a teen is when I started noticing my mom would try to sabatage things for me. She would accidentally ruin something I bought with my hard earned money (I worked at a restaurant). Whenever my grandparents would buy me nice jewelry she would get so jealous and end up stealing my jewelry but she would make it look like I lost it myself. Like she would take one earring out of the pair that I laid in my jewelry box. When i would go to wear the earrings I would notice it and freak out. Sometimes I thought I was losing my mind because things would disappear that I knew I didn’t lose. These instances happened frequently and I always had a funny feeling about her trying to mess things up for me.
My parents would not let me drive at 16. They insisted to my grandparents that I simply could not be taught and that I was too defiant. My grandparents funded their lives basically so they would get the last say in certain things when it came to us grandkids. My grandparents offered to teach me to drive and when I picked it up quick, my grandfather bought me a car. I was a senior in highschool almost 18. The car was put in my dads name. Anyway, they refused to ever let me drive the car but one day they finally let me drive the car to school alone. The car drove really funny like the breaks barely worked but it was my first time driving alone to school so I thought maybe I was just nervous and needed to get used to the car. I made it to school ok but on the way home while I was driving down the highway, driving fairly fast to get off onto my exit. The car ahead of me stopped at a light and I pressed as hard as I could on the breaks and the car did not break or slow down at all. my breaks just gave out and I slammed into the back of a really nice car going very fast. I wasn’t hurt but I was scared and upset and the man whose car I slammed into was furious.
My dad showed up to the scene so angry and I told him “dad I was pushing the break and it didn’t work!” He said “yeah right! This is why we won’t let you drive!” My grandfather showed up and I told him the same thing I told my dad. He believed me and we took the car to the shop. Sure enough, the mechanic asked if I had any enemies. I said no. He said it looked like the break line had been cut! My dad kept saying “no no no that can’t be. You have it all wrong. No one cut her break line”. My dad never apologized of course for not believing me about the breaks. Basically no one ever spoke of it again. For the next several years after that, “my” car was really my dads car. They used it to control me. I finally saved up and got my own car. To this day, I can’t help but wonder if my mom was a jealous that she cut the breaks. Hoping I would get in an accident and either die or just look like an incapable driver so my grandparents would take the car away or something.
My mom has done so many bizarre things tht i really do wonder if she is capable of something like this. It could be that I just don’t trust her and my imagine has gotten carried away. Sometimes I really wonder if she may have really tried to murdwr me or hurt me. I remember anytime she would serve me lunch i would feel a hesitation. Unsure if she did something to the food. She’s just retaliatory and creepy like that.
My parents would not let me drive at 16. They insisted to my grandparents that I simply could not be taught and that I was too defiant. My grandparents funded their lives basically so they would get the last say in certain things when it came to us grandkids. My grandparents offered to teach me to drive and when I picked it up quick, my grandfather bought me a car. I was a senior in highschool almost 18. The car was put in my dads name. Anyway, they refused to ever let me drive the car but one day they finally let me drive the car to school alone. The car drove really funny like the breaks barely worked but it was my first time driving alone to school so I thought maybe I was just nervous and needed to get used to the car. I made it to school ok but on the way home while I was driving down the highway, driving fairly fast to get off onto my exit. The car ahead of me stopped at a light and I pressed as hard as I could on the breaks and the car did not break or slow down at all. my breaks just gave out and I slammed into the back of a really nice car going very fast. I wasn’t hurt but I was scared and upset and the man whose car I slammed into was furious.
My dad showed up to the scene so angry and I told him “dad I was pushing the break and it didn’t work!” He said “yeah right! This is why we won’t let you drive!” My grandfather showed up and I told him the same thing I told my dad. He believed me and we took the car to the shop. Sure enough, the mechanic asked if I had any enemies. I said no. He said it looked like the break line had been cut! My dad kept saying “no no no that can’t be. You have it all wrong. No one cut her break line”. My dad never apologized of course for not believing me about the breaks. Basically no one ever spoke of it again. For the next several years after that, “my” car was really my dads car. They used it to control me. I finally saved up and got my own car. To this day, I can’t help but wonder if my mom was a jealous that she cut the breaks. Hoping I would get in an accident and either die or just look like an incapable driver so my grandparents would take the car away or something.
My mom has done so many bizarre things tht i really do wonder if she is capable of something like this. It could be that I just don’t trust her and my imagine has gotten carried away. Sometimes I really wonder if she may have really tried to murdwr me or hurt me. I remember anytime she would serve me lunch i would feel a hesitation. Unsure if she did something to the food. She’s just retaliatory and creepy like that.
Chessgirl♟
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Re: Retaliatory mother
It sounds like you had a lot to be concerned about and a lot of evidence to not trust her. It certainly does sound suspicious. Maybe she was jealous and just wanted to ruin it since she couldnt out right steal it. Its hard living with people you just cant trust. And it sounds like she was sneaky about it too. Always having to watch your back. Thats hard to live with and eventually kind of colors everything. Its hard to not filter everything thru the lens of suspicion. It seems like she gave you plenty of reasons to be suspicious.
Coconuts
Coconuts
Be the Light in someone's night.
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Re: Retaliatory mother
Chessgirl
After what you told about her here l wouldn't put anything past her. Either your father acted on her orders or she did it herself.
I mentioned here that my mother admitted to being jealous of me and regarding me as her rival for my father's attention. I was in my late 30's when she told me that. Since coming here it is clear to me that her aggression, dislike and hatred of me during my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood were guided by those deep "maternal" sentiments of hers. Apparently my father didn't perform sexually as expected and the matter must have been throughly discussed with her two sisters. One of my aunts tried to excuse my mother's behavior with the lack of sexual satisfaction.
I have long since understood the reason for my father's alleged poor performance. I mean, the way she treated him, spoke to him, yelled at him and looked down on him, it's amazing he performed at all.
Kokoshcka
After what you told about her here l wouldn't put anything past her. Either your father acted on her orders or she did it herself.
I mentioned here that my mother admitted to being jealous of me and regarding me as her rival for my father's attention. I was in my late 30's when she told me that. Since coming here it is clear to me that her aggression, dislike and hatred of me during my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood were guided by those deep "maternal" sentiments of hers. Apparently my father didn't perform sexually as expected and the matter must have been throughly discussed with her two sisters. One of my aunts tried to excuse my mother's behavior with the lack of sexual satisfaction.
I have long since understood the reason for my father's alleged poor performance. I mean, the way she treated him, spoke to him, yelled at him and looked down on him, it's amazing he performed at all.
Kokoshcka
Last edited by Harmony on Thu Mar 04, 2021 4:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited from MT to NT due to specific triggering language nor content
Reason: edited from MT to NT due to specific triggering language nor content
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
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Re: Retaliatory mother
Coconuts,
Thank you for validating me. Yes, sneaky is the accurate word to describe her! You are probably right that it could have been her trying to ruin the car. That is something she would do. It was difficult living with a mother I couldn’t trust and now I’m seeing I have a hard time trusting everyone because of her. I have to remind myself that not everyone is sick like her.
Thank you for validating me. Yes, sneaky is the accurate word to describe her! You are probably right that it could have been her trying to ruin the car. That is something she would do. It was difficult living with a mother I couldn’t trust and now I’m seeing I have a hard time trusting everyone because of her. I have to remind myself that not everyone is sick like her.
Chessgirl♟
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Re: Retaliatory mother
Kokoschka,
I’m so sorry you experienced this jealousy issue with your mom. From reading your other experiences with her I would definitely say that was the issue. I am pleasantly surprised that she did admit this to you. How did you handle it when she told you? I did not know that she had that issue with your father, of not being sexually satisfied by him. That is the sorriest excuse to hurt your child I’ve ever heard. I mean grow up and take care of your own sexual needs. Don’t ruin everyone’s lives around you due to something like that! No wonder your dad had trouble pleasing her!
I’m so sorry you experienced this jealousy issue with your mom. From reading your other experiences with her I would definitely say that was the issue. I am pleasantly surprised that she did admit this to you. How did you handle it when she told you? I did not know that she had that issue with your father, of not being sexually satisfied by him. That is the sorriest excuse to hurt your child I’ve ever heard. I mean grow up and take care of your own sexual needs. Don’t ruin everyone’s lives around you due to something like that! No wonder your dad had trouble pleasing her!
Chessgirl♟
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Re: Retaliatory mother
Also wanted to add coconuts, that I do feel as though I look at everything through a lens of suspicion. I don’t know how to reverse that. I am skeptical of everything. I am skeptical of vaccines (I went through with it for my daughter after my partner pushed it). I am skeptical of politics. I basically think everything is a scripted show for entertainment and the politicans are puppets. I am skeptical of food, where it is from and what was put in it. Skeptical of religion. Skeptical of authority figures. I don’t want to be like this and I am better about it now, but it is still so hard. I do think my childhood and my lack of trust for my mother has something to do with this.
Chessgirl♟
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Re: Retaliatory mother
Chessgirl,
Your mother / parents were the first "authority" figures you encountered. The way they abused your feelings and trust alone is
reason enough to make you doubt anybody.
And you have a child, so yes, like an animal guarding hers you follow your instincts.
Where l come from we say respect and suspect.
AND in this world we live in today some mistrust is a very healthy and self-preserving attitude. Politicians, the food they sell us, you bet l don't trust them either.
Kokoschka
Your mother / parents were the first "authority" figures you encountered. The way they abused your feelings and trust alone is
reason enough to make you doubt anybody.
And you have a child, so yes, like an animal guarding hers you follow your instincts.
Where l come from we say respect and suspect.
AND in this world we live in today some mistrust is a very healthy and self-preserving attitude. Politicians, the food they sell us, you bet l don't trust them either.
Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
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Re: Retaliatory mother
Kokoschka im glad to know I’m not alone in the mistrust for food and politicians and such. I do feel a little suspicion is warranted these days. I don’t know what is healthy, called for suspicion and what is over the top and unwarranted. It is hard to tell this day and age!
Chessgirl♟
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Re: Retaliatory mother
As for your question how l reacted to my mother's "confession" l was speechless, l just didn't know what to say to her. Besides, whatever l would have said, l would have to be extremely careful. Bullies are easily offended and she would have taken it out on my father, again.
Kokoschka
Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
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Re: Retaliatory mother
Oh I understand that. I had to learn to tell my mom everything she wanted to hear. My t told me I had to learn manipulation to survive. I understand you probably couldn’t have sat down and had a real convo with her about your feelings. I’m glad she eventually acknowledged something, but I know that didn’t miraculously take back all the years of hurt and pain she caused.
Chessgirl♟