Retaliatory mother

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Kokoschka
Member
Posts: 735
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am

Re: Retaliatory mother

Post by Kokoschka »

I actually fought my mother and told her a lot of stuff she didn't want to hear let alone believe. No way we could have sat together and have a heart to heart talk, not ever!

And her retaliation was always AWFUL!!

Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Retaliatory mother

Post by Chessgirl »

Ugh I feel your pain kokoshka. It is awful to have a mother retaliatory like that. Good for your for standing up for yourself and telling her things she didn’t want to hear. I’m sure that was important and maybe that’s why she was able to open up about being jealous of you! You are a very courageous and strong person and that is very clear.
Chessgirl
there
Member
Posts: 9795
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Retaliatory mother

Post by there »

Hi, Chessgirl,
Sigh,
I stood up to my mother also in her later years. One time I confronted her with how she hurt me. She answered by saying how much easier boys are to raise. :lol:
She'd done a lot of controlling, and using me. She told me when I was teenager that she was jealous of me.
Sigh again.
I have some compassion for her as schizophrenia probably caused some of it. Doesn't excuse it. I was the parent.

Suspicion is often warranted in this world. I became really cynical after childhood and adulthood abuse.
Now I've gotten better at turning the cynicism into skepticism or maybe sometimes faith. To me, skepticism is a healthy medium between being a cynic and a dupe.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Retaliatory mother

Post by Chessgirl »

That makes a lot of sense. Skepticism seems more reasonable than cynicism. My mother has never out right admitted jealousy. She has said things like “I never got to have this or that” so it is obvious that is the problem. I’ve considered writing her a letter and telling her everything she needed to hear. I don’t think I will do it though because she’s just so sick and I feel there is no use. It’s hard to tell if I have compassion for her though. Your mother sounds like a very complex person. I’m so sorry you had to be the parent. There have been many times where I felt like I was dealing with a 2 year old when talking to my mother. It is upsetting to experience that with a parent.
Chessgirl
there
Member
Posts: 9795
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:41 am

Re: Retaliatory mother

Post by there »

Chessgirl,
There's still value in writing the letter even if you don't send it. Some of the inner child work I've done involves doing that. The adult me writes to the parents of the inner child at whatever age, telling them that I'm taking care of the child now.

Yes, my mother, complex, definitely. She could be really wonderful, too. I'm still trying to turn some (BIG) things around in my life from lack of good parenting, or of parenting at all.

You could write the letter here if you like. People have done that.
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Retaliatory mother

Post by Chessgirl »

That’s a good idea there! I can see how that could be a helpful thing to do! I am writing a “my story” type letter to my aunt after I get back from my trip next week. I’m petrified about it, but i think it will be a nice release. Maybe I’ll write one to my mom after that, only share it here. Thanks for the thought!
Chessgirl
AcceptanceAT
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Posts: 48
Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 7:55 am

Re: Retaliatory mother

Post by AcceptanceAT »

Chessgirl,

It´s a lot to handle growing up. I´m so glad you had the support of your grandparents and got some chances to prove yourself and have some people believe in you. You sound like a very strong, very fierce person.

I love the idea of writing, whether you send it or not, it´s your choice, but just writing it is great. I´ve been postponing writing my letters probably due to resistance and fear, but I think all the work you are doing is very impressive. Please keep going.

Love and strength,

AcceptanceAT
Last edited by Jonesy on Fri Mar 05, 2021 9:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed MT to NT, as no triggering content
Acceptance AT
Per Aspera Ad Astra [*][*]
Chessgirl
Member
Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Retaliatory mother

Post by Chessgirl »

Thank you AcceptanceAT,
Yes, I feel very grateful for my grandparents. My mom did interfere with that relationship as well, but at least I did have them around some of the time. I think writing the letter might even be crucial in my healing process. I appreciate your support and response :)
Chessgirl
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