Let down by teachers

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Chessgirl
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Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Let down by teachers

Post by Chessgirl »

Ugh, that’s awful. I don’t think all teachers go into it for the right reasons. Some seem to not even really like kids, or they only like some of them. It really makes me mad. I’m actually afraid to send my daughter to school in case she has a teacher that doesn’t love and appreciate her. It can be super damaging to children if they get a bad teacher and there are so many. The fact you were able to learn all those languages while dealing with moving and abuse at home is super impressive kokoschka. What a brave, intelligent child you were.
Chessgirl
Kokoschka
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Re: Let down by teachers

Post by Kokoschka »

I used to dream of looking up this ugly monster teaching math in high school and knocking her teeth out. I remember once l got all my courage together, approached her after class and asked if she could explain something again. I will never forget that ugly, grinning face looking down at me dismissing me even as a human being. Like, you no- brain, you want something explained?

Kokoschka
Last edited by Jonesy on Fri Mar 05, 2021 1:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed NT to MT, as some triggering content
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
Chessgirl
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Re: Let down by teachers

Post by Chessgirl »

I can understand about dreaming to knock her teeth out lol. I remember an incident when I was in middle school, my brother was in high school but at our school both the middle and high school students were combined on the same campus. I was going through a particularly hard time with bullying and poor grades. My brother was a senior in high school and he was president of the student body. People both teachers and students alike commented about how different I was from my brother. He was outgoing, popular and made great grades. I was awkward, shy and struggled a lot with grades. What no one realized was that my brother was treated much differently at home than I was. I was abused and he was spoiled rotten... couldn’t make a mistake. My mother idolized him and he developed into an ego maniac but charming and manipulative.

Anyway, We had a strict dress code and once again I broke that dress code frequently for either my skirt being too short or my shirt not tucked in. I remember there was a teacher who adored my brother but hated me. She would yell at me about my dress code violation in the hall and really humiliate me. It was like this lady was out to get me. I would always say “oh I’m so sorry” and she would say “don’t say sorry. Just follow the dress code and don’t do it again!” One day one of my friends came to me and told me she was walking behind this particular teacher in the hall and overheard a convo she was having with another teacher. She said the teacher was going on and on how much she loved my brother and then said “but his sister! She’s such a mess. She makes me so mad! Always breaking the dress code and when I tel her she always says “sorry!” ... when my friend told me this, something came over me. A rage and a drive to confront this woman.

After school my adrenaline was pumping and I went to her class and said “I need to have a word with you.” She was surprised as she was a highschool teacher and I was only in 8th grade. I told her “one of my friends informed me of what she was saying about me and I said I don’t appreciate you comparing me to my brother. And also I was taught to apologize when I made a mistake so I don’t know what is wrong with me saying I’m sorry when I’ve broken a dress code violation. I really don’t appreciate you talking about how I’m so different from my brother when you don’t even know me!” She saw the rage and me shaky and furious and she looked stunned. Asked who told her and I said I could not say. She said “well I only said something about how you were different from your brother but that doesn’t Mean he is any better than you. I actually think it shows a lot of character that you came to me and told me this.” Then she gave me a hug. I was trembling but it was one of the first times I snapped and stood up for myself which felt so good!
Last edited by Jonesy on Fri Mar 05, 2021 1:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Changed NT to MT, as some triggering content
Chessgirl
there
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Re: Let down by teachers

Post by there »

Chessgirl,
Wondering if my thread with the memory of 3rd grade got you thinking more about the :?:

Anyhoo,
Ugh...I hate that comparison thing!
At Community College, (which I loved mostly), I was in a French class with my younger brother. Some woman in the class said to me, "I think your brother is smarter than you." That was a ridiculous statement. My brother and I were both good in French. We didn't have a rivalry, but a friendship.
And one time, Miss B, the French teacher, was going away for a few days . She had me teach her lower classes those days.
Not a contest, not less intelligent. So there, Jerk Lady!

I think it was really wrong and so unfair that your mother favored your brother so much and degraded and abused you. I feel sad and angry reading that, Chessgirl.

You had some real hutzpah to speak to that teacher as you did! I'm glad she was so receptive and supportive to you when you did!
All women are beautiful. Period.
I deserve better than survival.
Chessgirl
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Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Let down by teachers

Post by Chessgirl »

Hey there,
Yeah I do remember your post about third grade. I had a teacher who really loved me in third grade, but that wasn’t the case every year unfortunately. Some teachers erroneously think bad grades bad kid. Ugh sounds like you have experience with the comparison thing. I absolutely hate when people did that to us growing up. Thank you for validating me about how my mother treated me. It helps to hear others see that too!
Chessgirl
Kokoschka
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Re: Let down by teachers

Post by Kokoschka »

Chessgirl,
Great way to react and put that woman in her place!! It showed already then the courage and power that you have in you. Proud of you👏👏👏💐, Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
Chessgirl
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Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Let down by teachers

Post by Chessgirl »

I alwaYs thought of it as RAGE that I had within me, but thank you for pointing out that it actually took courage and strength. You are so helpful with your words kokoschka, thank you !
Chessgirl
Squiggy
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Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 8:07 pm

Re: Let down by teachers

Post by Squiggy »

You know what, recalling fifth grade for my last post made me think of something else. In my long rant thread, I noted that the first of many frustrating and utterly unproductive visits to school counselors was during the fifth grade, in fact it happened on Wednesday, February 14, 1990. Since it happened so soon after the DCFS investigation that followed the December 1989 incident, I have long believed that these events were connected. But, maybe they weren't. Correlation doesn't necessarily imply causation, and given how odd my speech and behavior were and how much conflict I had with teachers and classmates during the fifth grade, it's entirely possible that the precipitating event was something else and the timing was just a coincidence!

The school counselor and I got off on the wrong foot from the get-go. February 14 was, of course, St. Valentine's Day, one of three holidays (the others being Halloween and Christmas) for which there would be a class party of sorts in the afternoon, where they would pass out snacks and we'd have about an hour to eat them and have some unstructured free time, with no work and no lessons. (Does anyone else here remember anything like this? Is this common at grade schools?) I looked forward to these events every year, so imagine my displeasure to be unexpectedly yanked out of class that afternoon just as the snacks were being passed out. And while it is obvious to me today why they referred me to her, I didn't understand why at all in 1990, and so I was already inclined toward being uncooperative walking in. Not that it would have made much of a difference. Week after week, after her perfunctory questions and my one-word answers ("How are you today?" "Ok." "What did you learn in class today?" "Nothing.") she would mention things that almost every boy of that age should have experienced, seen, known, etc. but I had never been exposed to, and asked me how I felt about them. I was completely at a loss for how to reply. At least three-fourths of the time, I either knew nothing of the topic in question, or too little about it to have an opinion. The rest of the time, I didn't dare answer for fear that my words might get back to the wrong person and invite more punishments. I spent most of the allotted time ducking and dodging and/or trying desperately to think of words to speak that filled time while saying nothing, and then returning to class dejected, discouraged, mentally exhausted, and feeling no perceived benefit from the visit.

When I changed schools, I thought I might have escaped this weekly drudgery, but it was not to be. For the next three years, I attended three different schools in two different cities, and each time, I was referred to another school counselor within the first month, and was stuck with more weekly visits, each time accomplishing nothing.
Crow
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Re: Let down by teachers

Post by Crow »

Hi Chessgirl,

I remember when I was at secondary school at about age 12 or 13, we were learning in English about satire. One of the pieces of homework we had was to write out and story board a satire sketch. I used it as a cry for help and drew and explained in a satirical way (or my understanding at least from the lessons) my home life, with explicit images and text about the violence at home. It didn't prompt a thing.
At least when I went to my daughter's school six months or so ago and talked to the safeguarding lead there, she said that they have a policy that anything that may be suggesting a safeguarding issue presented within the students' work (poetry or art or anything of minor or major concern), it is identified and talked subtly about with the student to find out more, then documented and followed up ad necessary.
I think safeguarding has come a long way since I was at school.

Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Chessgirl
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Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Let down by teachers

Post by Chessgirl »

Oh squiggy,
Fifth grade was a rough year for me too! Those experiences with different counselors sounds super discouraging and exhausting. I related to what you said about ducking and dodging the whole conversation with the counselor. That is how I felt when I was questioned by my teacher. I was say taken off guard and nervous. I was not expecting it and I did not think of it as an opportunity to get help. I felt like I was in big trouble and it was all on me. I’m so sorry no one really helped you. Hearing your experiences with school counselors really makes me mad and gives me little faith in school guidance counselors. How infuriating.
Chessgirl
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