A twin to reduce the loneliness
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Re: A twin to reduce the loneliness
Chessgirl, Very well said
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
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Re: A twin to reduce the loneliness
Hi Kokoschka,
What you said here...
Crow
What you said here...
That is so true... I hadn't totally thought of it like that actually. I'm hopeful that a time will come for him.Kokoschka wrote: โMon Feb 08, 2021 1:17 pm Sorry you and your brother have grown apart and that he's not willing to acknowledge what happened to you two but l guess his present circumstances (as you told) must have a lot to do with that. There's a lot he would have to face that he obviously and contrary to you, can't deal with.
Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
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Re: A twin to reduce the loneliness
I agree with Kokoschka. You have a safe space to accept yoyr pain. Your wife is safe. Even if there is some trauma there it isnt like his situation. He is not emotionally safe in his marriage and life so he is unable to look at the pain. Its hard for sure. Im glad you are there for him.
Chessgirl and Kokoschka. Thanks. Yes my kids need protection i never had and that means keeping people out if mine and their lives. I dont want them influenced by that. I do talk to them about it. About how we avoid certain family because they are not emotionally or physically safe but we can still love and care and pray for them from afar. Im not perfect with it, but im trying. Chessgirl its really hard to have to block people like that. But to move past addiction and for the sake of your daughter its so important. Id rather suffer than do something to put my children in a bad situation.
Crow.
I so hope the snow was wonderful today.
Coconuts
Chessgirl and Kokoschka. Thanks. Yes my kids need protection i never had and that means keeping people out if mine and their lives. I dont want them influenced by that. I do talk to them about it. About how we avoid certain family because they are not emotionally or physically safe but we can still love and care and pray for them from afar. Im not perfect with it, but im trying. Chessgirl its really hard to have to block people like that. But to move past addiction and for the sake of your daughter its so important. Id rather suffer than do something to put my children in a bad situation.
Crow.
I so hope the snow was wonderful today.
Coconuts
Be the Light in someone's night.
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Re: A twin to reduce the loneliness
Hey Coconuts,
As we live in the bottom half of England we rarely see much in the way of snow, and we only had enough to cover the ground by several centimetres. But that was enough along with the heavy snow showers to provide some rare fun for the children. My son can't remember seeing snow before (he was so young when we last had some).
Lots and lots of fun had... and I'm not sure who had more fun - the children or me!
Crow
As we live in the bottom half of England we rarely see much in the way of snow, and we only had enough to cover the ground by several centimetres. But that was enough along with the heavy snow showers to provide some rare fun for the children. My son can't remember seeing snow before (he was so young when we last had some).
Lots and lots of fun had... and I'm not sure who had more fun - the children or me!
Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
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Re: A twin to reduce the loneliness
Happy for you and the kids that you had such great fun You sure know how to make them happy
I had never seen snow before l moved abroad. Then the first winter was one of the worst in decades, sinking up to my knees in snow and temps of minus 24 C on Christmas Eve. But l still loved it and hoped people and cars and dogs wouldn't spoil it. All that beautiful white.Kokoschka
I had never seen snow before l moved abroad. Then the first winter was one of the worst in decades, sinking up to my knees in snow and temps of minus 24 C on Christmas Eve. But l still loved it and hoped people and cars and dogs wouldn't spoil it. All that beautiful white.Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
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Re: A twin to reduce the loneliness
I'm still the same even with our little amount! I'd love knee deep snow
Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
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Re: A twin to reduce the loneliness
Crow Iโm so envious! Kokoschka knee deep snow on Christmas Eve sounds like a dream! I live in an area that NEVER snows! Only seen snow a few times. Iโm praying I will get to see a little on our next trip in March. Goin up north.
Chessgirlโ
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Re: A twin to reduce the loneliness
I really feel this. I was stripped of any impulse to defend myself at a young age.
I used to think I wanted a twin. I really really wanted a best friend forever, someone inseparable. But what I really wanted was to be connected to myself and to be able to connect with others. And I know even as a twin, you can still feel lonely and disconnected.
I don't know if this brings you any solace but I learned that often times in cases of abuse, the sibling watching the abuse often has greater difficulties coping than the sibling who is being abused, even if the sibling only hears what is happening in another room, but can't see it. It may apply to this example when the boys who were beating up your brother, how you felt paralyzed even though he was the one directly experiencing it. I just want to validate what happened. Yes your body was trying to protect you even but I can also imagine the frustration and other emotions this survival reaction may have also caused. I tend to freeze up too. It's something I am working through.
I know I used to have a fake sense of confidence back when I believed that image was everything and how I really felt didn't matter. I even had myself fooled. It's still a coping mechanism I lean on, people usually leave you alone when you pretend to know what you're doing even if you don't. As a kid people left me alone and thought I could always take care of everything myself and never needed anyone's help. No one ever really dug deeper or inquired how I was really doing. It was really lonely.
Edit: punctuation
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Re: A twin to reduce the loneliness
Hi greendreamdays,
I appreciate your input on this.
Thanks again greendreamdays.
Crow
I appreciate your input on this.
Yes, this makes sense completely, and I have read of this somewhere too. It was a feeling of helplessness unable to defend my brother in that moment, but also a general helplessness brought on by conditioning from home.greendreamdays wrote: โFri Apr 30, 2021 10:20 pm I don't know if this brings you any solace but I learned that often times in cases of abuse, the sibling watching the abuse often has greater difficulties coping than the sibling who is being abused, even if the sibling only hears what is happening in another room, but can't see it.
This is so true of my brother since leaving school. He has spent the last nearly twenty years with a fake sense of confidence. He has this tough guy facade going on and even his voice and the way he talks is different. It is as you say, a coping mechanism. It's sad that he hasn't been able to acknowledge and start dealing with his past... but then, there's a part of me that envies his outward appearance.greendreamdays wrote: โFri Apr 30, 2021 10:20 pm I know I used to have a fake sense of confidence back when I believed that image was everything and how I really felt didn't matter. I even had myself fooled. It's still a coping mechanism I lean on, people usually leave you alone when you pretend to know what you're doing even if you don't.
Thanks again greendreamdays.
Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.