Intense and contradictory feelings

A discussion area specifically for survivors who suffered physical, emotional, and verbal child abuse. This forum can also be used for Members who suffered sexual abuse at the time of physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

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coconuts
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Posts: 5839
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by coconuts »

Pocket riding for support if you like. You dont have to do this alone and you dont have to answer to anyone about why you are leaving. Its none if their business really. Maybe just saying something like, hey, wish you the best, Im moving on. I dont know. I imagine it being very uncomfortable and awkward. But we can ride along to make it less awkward. Ill throw you some of Rosa's and Fs strength and fiestiness...lol

Coconuts
Be the Light 🌟 in someone's night.
Kokoschka
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Posts: 735
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Kokoschka »

Crow, so sorry you have to go back in there but it's just to return your stuff and you'll be done for good. I think meeting your boss in the parking lot is a good idea. And if you happen to see that colleague ( hey, l'm 69 too😉) pretend she's not there, don't see her, just turn your back. Maybe you could send regards to those other colleagues via your boss or send an email instead? I'll be thinking of you.

I was "lucky" that in my case l'd left that place long before l sued. They sent someone over with my stuff to my house and l returned the key at the door. Embarrassing but such a relief!! Keep your mind on the relief you'll feel once it's over. Keeping my fingers crossed, Kokoschka🤞🤞🤞
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
Kokoschka
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Posts: 735
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Kokoschka »

Crow,
Coconuts is right!! Pocket riding with you!! Just think of us all coming along and sitting with you in the car, holding your hand and having your back, Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
Crow
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Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 12:22 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Crow »

Thanks everyone. Six hours to go...
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
coconuts
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Posts: 5839
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by coconuts »

Hoping its going or has gone well. :D
Be the Light 🌟 in someone's night.
Kokoschka
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Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Kokoschka »

Crow, if you are up to it let us know how it went and how you're feeling. Kokoschka
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
Crow
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Posts: 1434
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 12:22 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Crow »

So, here goes...

I drove up the road past the large delivery yard towards the car park... I spot my member of staff's car... stomach turns and I immediately stopped the car and turned around. I drove off into the town and parked up... I sent my manager a text saying that I would be in as soon as I could and that I was running late. She advised that she would be there until 3.15 pm. I waited until 3.10 and then drove to work. Colleague's car was gone... phew! I text my manager and walked towards the office. I reached the door just as she opened it and she stood there with her face mask on (really?) and asked me how I was as I handed her the laptop and keys. I started to answer and she started to walk off. It was a frosty and uninterested greeting. Well the whole short two minutes with her was awkward and I felt like a naughty kid who had done something really bad. She was so off with me... I mean body language, abrupt, etc. She didn't even tell me she was leaving or say goodbye or wish me well... just left whilst I was talking to someone else!
Because I was also site manager I wanted to say bye to the library team and the ladies upstairs in adult social care. I went and spoke to three ladies who I got on with very well (all at or past retirement age) from libraries. They were pleasant, sad to see me leave, and wished me well... they understood. They will miss me - said that I brought a positivity to the place that they haven't seen in a long time.
I went and spoke to two of the records project team (I managed the regular permanent team, they are on a two year contract), and it was painful. They just ignored me. Wouldn't talk to me or look at me. I'm so baffled! What have I done?!
Then I said something silly... I said to them something like, "you know what?! I'm glad I'm leaving... I don't want to work for the authority that failed me as a child... Yeah, there's pages of records about my childhood abuse... failed as a child and failed by this place as an adult!" And I walked off.
I went upstairs and talked with the ladies from ASC. They are lovely... normal... down to earth. They missed me. They have been worried about me. They even got a card and wrote messages in ready for my return to work... but then they heard I was leaving. I'm going to miss them.
I'm glad I said goodbye to them and the libraries' ladies, but the coldness from the two people in records and my manager hurt me.
It's a new chapter as of 5.00 pm Monday... I'll be unemployed but free from that place.

Mixed feelings right now.

Crow
A little boy hides in an adult's disguise.
Quote taken from an original poem that I have written.
Kokoschka
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Posts: 735
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2020 8:01 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Kokoschka »

Crow, maybe this woman colleague infected these other two with her BS? And your boss, she's just not best equipped to handle situations requiring some affinity. Good riddance, really.

Some of the colleagues in that place l 'd worked for 20 years and my husband and l shared the same dentist. So it just so happened that the two of us met this ex-colleague in the dentist's waiting room and the guy was such an AH ignoring me and my greeting while trying to "catch up" with my husband.

Crow, I'll get back to you in the morning, l'm too tired. Hope you will have a good night's sleep. Kokoschka
Last edited by Harmony on Sun Jan 31, 2021 2:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited from NT to MT for language.
..but god bless the child that's got his own... (Billie Holiday)
coconuts
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Posts: 5839
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2016 2:34 am

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by coconuts »

Ah crow. Im glad you avoided the one coworker. Seems like the rest was a mixed bag. Sometimes i havr to remind myself it is okay to not have everyone like me. It really is. And usually if people dont like me its because they have tbeir own issues. Because on the whole Im an okay kinda person. I think the same for you. You are a kind, conpassionate, hardworking, ethical person. Some peolme saw that an valued your presence, others chose not to see that, or were so cuaght in their own i securities they couldnt see it.

On to brighter futures.

Coconuts
Be the Light 🌟 in someone's night.
Chessgirl
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Posts: 1377
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2020 7:45 pm

Re: Intense and contradictory feelings

Post by Chessgirl »

Oh crow,
You are such a sweet and special person. I’m glad the ladies were lovely to you, as you deserved. As for the boss and the records people, they just sound miserable and immature. I would have loved to see you tell them off haha. The good news is it’s over and you have a bright future! You and your family are in my thoughts and I know you will do great things!
Chessgirl
Chessgirl
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